MRS BROWN ON THE EXHIBITION.

Otago Witness, Issue 1989, 10 April 1890, Page 11

MRS BROWN ON THE EXHIBITION.

Chapter 111. MAETHA. VISITS THE BABLY HISTORY COUBT. Well, as I was a-aayin', I sot there in that weatipool that tired an' 'ot witch i never did think as I could move a foot farder, a-settin' opposite a big mirror an' ashamed for to look in it as my face was like nothink in this mortial world but a biled lobster, anda-fannin'of myself with my 'andkerohief, wheu who should come up, all a-bloomin' an' a-blowin, as the say in', is, but the President, an' do deserve to be made a barrownight, for if ever a gentleman showed ; us he possesses apublick sperrit he's that gentleman as devotes his wallyable time to makin' the exhibition the success it '&s been, as, of coarse, 'ed wear erming robes an' knee-breeches with buckles in 'is pumps wenever he dines with tjie Governor. Well, he comes up that cheery an' affable like, an' says he, in passin'T"Mrs Brown," sez he, "it do give,, me great pleasure to see you an' your friends a-comin' to injy yecselves at the exhibition, witch I do 'ope as you will 'aye a very 'appy evenin' an' you mustn't go away without goin' to the Anthropological Burow an' gettin' of yerself ineasurfed an wat not." "Well, sez I, "Mr Roberts, I thank you 'artily for your kindness, 'an 'opes as yoiir good lady is well, not forgettin' the young Jadiea and gentlemen, witch it can't be deniged as your quiver is that full of olive brauches an' cunnin' over so to speak, God bless 'em ! an' as to the burow, as you calls it, I don't know wot good it can do anybody to know 'ow much a old woman like me measures round the chest witbh the doctor he did say once as my lungs is not strong and gives me codliver oil an' sech stuff as I prefers a decline myself any day. But first I means to see wot the Mowrie court is like, an' then we'll see." So the president he passes on with a smile an' a nod that friendly like, and Mima Pilcock she sez — "Mrs Brown," sez she, "wotever is the use of goin' through the Mowri court as is that uninterestin', not to speak of wulgar, witch I could never abide those dirtj ole sawidges myself." "Mima," sez I, ''you may do wotever you choose, but I means to see that ere Mowrie court as 'ow could I look poor dear Doctor 'Ockiug in the face an' say as I 'adn't been to see 'is Maori curious, 'im as 'as attended me ever sence my third as was twins of different sects, a boy an' a gel, an' the one red 'air au' the other black, witch is true, though strange, as sleeps now under the sod of the Southern Seminary, not to speak of the way as he nussed little Alf through the chickenpox an' the whoopin' cough an' wot not, an' that kind as 'is own mother couldn't be more so. So don't say nothink to me, Jemima Pilcock, about not gain' for to see Dr 'Ocking's collection 'as tigers an' polar bears would not 'inder me." So I ups that 'uffy like an off I goes to see the Maori curious, an' Mima she folIerB : but I must say as I felt queer a-passin' through beween a old sawidges legs with 'is 'ands on 'is stummack, an' makes a doorway with 'is legs like the Molasses of Roads, witch they do say as ships in full sail -passed under. . An' of, all the ugly wretches I ever seen 'them' Mowrie 'images was out an' out the most idgeous, a twisfcin' a^d a squirmin' an' grinnin' and lollin- out their tongues, an' one standin' on the other's 'cad— enuf to turn yer stummack. An' as to their hem' works of art, sure I am as my boy Alf as goes to the Boys' 'Igh School could carve better' 'cads with his knife out of an old tree stump. Not but wot some of the oarvins is pretty, a-screwin' an' a-curlin' into all sorts of geological figgers, but 'ow they can bring theirselves to 'aye their faces all tatooed I can't think, as must be painful nqt, to mention jdgeous, an. all done with gunpowder an' a pippi-shell— witch well I can remember Brown's uncle Sam as served before the mast before he went intpthe' ginger-ale business, 'ad 'is armall tabooed with ankers an' true-love-nots an' seoh things aa must 'aye identified 'im if 'ed been took up fdr murder. As I was a bepdin' over a glass case filled with all sorts of greenstone thingß, P feels eomebody a-tonchin' me quite soft like on th'e.elberas made me jump, when who should I find beside me but tha docter hisself as sez to me, " Mrs Brown," sez he, " I sees as you're a woman, of taste an' knows 'ow to appregiate them precious curious witch all the gold as they dredges in Nenthorn wouldn't go far to buy 'em." "Of coarse," sez I, "docter, well I knows as all them relicts of Captain Cargill an' Dr Burns an' sech privateers of oivilisagion is far above rubies, as the sayin' is, but -I'm no cpnnoshure myself, though Brown he do set great store by stone axes an' fish 'ooks, as he keeps under a glass case, not to speak of a real cannibal skull as wants the lower , jaw, but the teeth of the upper that perfect as artificials ain't a patch on 'em." " I'm sure," sez he, " considderin' as Mr Brown an' yourself is old identities witch you must have old dokiments an' sech things as must be of interest for anshient 'istory, and if you should ever wish to dispoge of them I do 'ope, Mrs Brown, as you'll give yer ole doctor the preference, an' would be most 'appy for to give 'em a place in my collection." ' "Well," sez I, "doctor, if ever my 'usban' does part with 'is ourious, well I knows as you can reckin on Brown, not but what he do say as them collectors of curious are that greedy and shameless as would cadge tho nose off yer face if they thought as they could get it for nothin', an' if they couldn't get it by fair means 'ud steal it ; not as sech remarks applies to you, doctor,— quite contrariwise, as collects in the interests of ancient 'istory and entomology." "Quite right, Mrs Brown," sez he, "quite right ; you know if them things wasn't taken care of, nobody wouldn't know anythink by an' by about Captiau Cook an' the Mowries. Now do, Mrs Brown, look at this 'ere weppin ; ain't it a beauty ? "—and he pints to a brown wooden thing like the end of a oar, as was carved all over with cirklea an' whirligigs an' things. "Well," sez I, "Doctor 'Oekmg, I can't go for to pretend as I see anythink particler in that 'ere piece of timber, as wot it's good for I can't see " "Oh but, Mrs Brown," sez he, "it's the associwations as makes them things wallyable. That ere merry was give me by 'Ongi wen I was at the Bay of Islands, as was the weppon he killed Raupara with, comin' behind 'im that suddint an' knockin' of 'im on the 'cad, witch they calls ' hootoo,' an' means • tit for tat,' as the sayin' iB, cos Raupara he'd killed 'Ongi's old aunt, an' treated 'is whole tribe to sausages one Sunday mornin', 'avin' chose that day out of respeck for the misshoners. It's Msfcorical associwations like that, Mrs Brown, as gives a wally to objecks of vertu of this kind." " Oh, doctor," sez I, " you do give me a turn a-talkin' of them 'orrid sawidges an' their gory ways, an' 'ow you can rest quiet in your bed an' that orful objeck in your 'ouae I can't think, as I should be seem' the sceptres of poor Raupara an' 'ia bereaved widder and fatherless orphins Btalkin' by my bedside a-draggin' of 'Ongi's aunt by the 'air of the 'ead." .-.,.. t« « But the doctor brf he goesa-larfin to himself, witch is that devoted to Mowrie 'istry as they

do say 'as his drorin-room furnished, like a Mowrie' pah, an' wen he gives a evehin' party, persists on' his guests a-squattin* round the wall in feather mats smokin' the calomel of peas, an' eatin' fern-root an' pippi-shells. I sees all this time as Mima Pilcock was on needles to get-away from the Mowrie court, an' pretended as she considered the curios vulgar,, an' by an' by complained as she is that tired an' must 'aye a cup of tea or somethink to keep 'er pecker up ; an' presently she sez : II Mrs Brown," sez she, "if you are tired of lookin' at them idgeous objecks, let's go .round to the Ceylon kiosk and 'aye some tea, as they gives you a teapot for threepence, and biakits thrown in. Do come, Mrs Brown, and I'll shout."

" All right, Mima," sez I. " I'm ready, an' was just ft-wishin' for a quiet corner, where I could 'aye a nice cap of tea ana mouthful of somethink out of my radical,''