EQUAL TO THE OCCASION.

Otago Witness, Issue 1973, 12 September 1889, Page 31

EQUAL TO THE OCCASION.

During the Civil war in Spain, in 1874, a Spanish official stopped an English newspaper correspondent, who was attempting to cross the Republican lines, with a demand for his passport.

He had not one, and he knew that his card — an "open sesame" at horne — would not avail him, so, in default of anything better, he produced a fashionable ' tailor's bill, bearing the arms of sundry royal and imperial patrons on its face, and duly stamped and receipted.

A pretty pantomimic performance ensued, the journalist trying to impress upon the official's mind that the figures in the account represented his personal measurements, set down for the purpose of identification, and having ingeniously succeeded in that, he pointed triumphantly to the stamp and the signature across it as irrefragable proof of the official nature of the document, and the half satisfied, wholly mystified Spaniard let him go on his way, showering silent blessings on his tailor's head.

John Rives, a Washington journalist, once obtained the promise of Major Hobbie, the Assistant Postmaster-general that a friend of his should be taken on the post office establishment the first time a vacancy occurred. Rives reminded the major of his promise every time he saw him, but always received for answer, "No vacancy."

One day the candidate for office rushed breathless to Rives, and begged him to come to the major. The pair were soon in the big man's presence, when he, guessing their errand, hastened to pronounce the familiar words, " No vacancy."

" Oh, yes, there is," said the candidate. "Paine is dead — drowned in the canal; I have just seen his body on the bank."

Here was an emergency. Was the major equal to it 1 Of course he was.

"No; there is no vacancy," he said. " Certainly, poor Paine is dead, but his place was filled an hour ago by the appointment of a man who saw him fall in ! "

Rives never after that reminded the major of his promise.

" Good morning, Mr Jones," he exclaimed, cordially, adding, with a smiling sarcasm, " hard at work, I see. I suppose you finish your gravestones as far as * In Memory of,' and then wait for some one to die ? "

"Why, yes, doctor," said Old Mortality, "I do ; unless somebody's ill, and you're doctoring- 'em ; then I keep right on ; " which was rough on the good practitioner.

As a rule, braggarts are easily scared ; but a French bootmaker once proved an exception to the rule. He was fond of boasting that nothing could frighten him, and two young fellows resolved to put him to the test. One of them shammed dead, and the other prevailed upon the bootmaker to watch the body through the night. Being busy, he took his tools with him, and worked beside the " corpse."

Towards midnight he began to sing, having been exhilarated by a cup of strong coffee which had been brought to him. Suddenly the corpse arose in his winding sheet, and said, in the most sepulchral tones :

"When a man is in the presence of death he should not sing ! "

The shoemaker was startled, bui, recovering his self-possession in a moment, he dealt the corpse a blow on the head with his hammer, as he said ;

"When a man is dead he should not speak I " A room in a Paris boarding house was said to be haunted by the ghost of a former occupant, and for a long time it remained tenantless. A 4 last a student took it who laughed at the idea of the place being haunted. Annoyed by his incredulity, two of the lodgers arrayed themselves in sheets, and glided into the room one night at that witching hour when graveyards are said to yawn. With solemn step and slow they stalked around the bed, until, happening to glance behind, they beheld a sheeted figure watching their movements. This was more than they had bargained for, and they were out of the room and in their own apartments almost before they knew it.

Next morning they departed from the place after settling with the landlord, never dreaming that their intended victim had divined their intentions and paid them in their own coin. They weie not equal to the occasion.