APT ILLUSTRATIONS.

Otago Witness, Issue 1952, 18 April 1889, Page 32

APT ILLUSTRATIONS.

Goethe says of Shakespeare : " His characters are like watches- with dial-plates of transparent crystal; they show you the hours like others, and the inward mechanism also is all visible."— John Stuart Mill aptly illustrates the difference between Science and Art : " Science is a collection of truths ; Art; a body of rules. The language of Science is : This is or this is not ; This does or does not happen. The language of Art is : Do this ; avoid that. Science takes cognisance of a phenomenon, and endeavours to discover its law ; Art proposes to itself an end, and looks out for means to effect it."

Voltaire describes a physician as an unfortunate gentleman expected every day to perform a miracle, namely — to reconcile health with intemperance. — A female doctor has been punningly defined as a woman with a patient turn of mind.— An Irishman's idea of a rich man, is one who bites off more than - he can chew, and a poor man, as one • who! i chews more than he can bite off. Allusion to' a son of Erin brings to mind the remark of an experienced,' landlady,- who observed^: ' "I

always notice" that the Irishmen tJegin io live on the fir3t-fioor, and end in the garret"; the Scotchman begin in the garret, and end on the first-floor."

Some odd but apt illustrations are the following :— " It is no great credit for the worm to turn when stepped upon, remarks a philosopher ; a barrel hoop will do the same thing."—" Faith is sometimes personified as a drenched female clinging to a sea^washed rock," says an ©bserver. "But a better personification would be a bald-headed man buying a bottle of patent hair restorer." Such a simpleton should be classed amongst the " natural fools " described by Fuller as persons whose heads are sometimes so little that there is. no room for wit, and sometimes so long that there is no wit for so much room:

An old judge tdld a ypimg lawyer that he wtiuld do well topicksonie of the feathers from the wings of his imagination and stick them into the tail of his judgment. — A servant who plumed himself upon being employed in a genteel family was asked the definition of the term. " Where they have two kinds of wine, and the gentleman swears," was the reply —A curious description of his experience was given by a sailor, who on being asked to explain the difference between a hurricane and a typhoon, said : "In a hurricane, the wind blows as'hard as it can — right, straight along; but in a, typhoon, just as it is blowing its hardest, it gives an awful jerk." American advertisements are often very amusing in their attempts to illustrate aptly the arc of puffing. For example, a vendor of a new tobacco thus describes it: "It is like your first love— fresh, genial, and rapturous. Like that, it fills up all the cravings of your soul." The author of that advertisement Would no doubt agree with the statement that the tradesman who does not advertise liberally has been very appropriately compared to a man who has a lantern but who is too stingy to buy a candle. A man who is neither a Freetrader nor a' Protectionist thus illustrates his charitable feelings towards his neighbour: " I should like to have a hole in my fence big enough to let my hens get into my neighbour Jones' garden, but too small to allow neighbour Jones' hens to get into my garden." — A hotelkeeper's idea of a pessimist is a man who would find fault with heaven, if he ever got there. — A humourist explained the meaning of a " stony glare " to his little son as the expressian which comes over a man's face in church when the contribution box is held before him and he has neglected to provide himself with a three-penny piece." — " Dinah, why doan' you never wear white clo'es ?" inquired one coloured lady of another. " White clo'es 1" was the reply. " D'you think I want to look like a fly in a cream- jug ?"