FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1950, 4 April 1889, Page 38

FUN AND FANCY.

— The boy who gets more than he expected is hard to find. —A Touching Sight.— A small boy investigating a newly-painted door. —According to a little Baltimore girl the interior of Africa "is principally used for purposes of exploration." —II is said that Napoleon did not read his letters until they were six weeks old, by which time events had answered most of them. — It requires long practice before a lawyer can smile kindly on the jury with one eye, and glare at the witness with the other. —A gentleman was speaking of the kindness of his friends in visiting him. One old aunt, in particular, visited him twice a year, and stayed six months each time. —Minister (dining with family) : " This is a very nice dinner, isn't it; Bobby ?" Bobby (enjoying it) : "It ought to be. Pa figured it out that it would cost him over five-and-twenty shillings." —Clerk (to busy employer): "There is a gentleman outside, sir, who says he' is a very old friend of your father's." Busy Employer : " Tell him I'm sorry, but my father is dead.' Ere the wearied and worried colonel Goes to seek his rest noctolonel, He takes a weed, so he may read In peace the columns of his journolonfll. —Army and Navy Journal. —An old woman who was crossing the street had a narrow escape from being run over by a hearse. "I am not at all superstitious," she said to her rescuer, " but it seems to me that it would be unlucky to be killed by a hearse." " Never would I call a boy of mine ' Alias,' " said Mrs Jones, " if I had a hundred to name. Men by that name is alhis cutting up capers. Here's Alias Thompson, Alias Williams, Alias the Night Hawk— all been took up for stealin'." -^-If your friend meets with adversity, do not offend him by asking the particulars, His neighbour will be glad to tejl you all. Thus you not only avoid offending your friend, but you glvu pleasure jto his neighbour. —A good old dame having complained of being unable to tell her mince pies from her apple ditto, without testing, was advised to mark them. She did so, and complacently announced: "This I've marked T. M.— 'tis mince, and that I've marked T. M.— 'taint mince." —His Occupation in Life.— "You are Mr Quezeen, the husband of the celebrated lecturess on cookery, are you not ?" " Yes, sir," replied the dejected, hollow-oyed man. " I'm the man she tries her new dishes on I " —A Little Misunderstanding. - Assistant (calling boy): "Cash!" Countryman: "Great turnips I can't you give me time to get -ray pocket book out? I don't want no credit, I don't 1 I'm going, to pay you cash soon as I can get at it 1"