ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

Otago Witness, Issue 1918, 24 August 1888, Page 32

ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

I have received'a long and most intoresling letter from a lady residing at Fiji. She is a constant and interested reader of the Witness, aad takes an interest in most of our doings. I cannot refrain from giving one or

two extracts : —

You know a* well as I do that so long as the uaaio sex continue to openly show a preference for sleuder waiats, small feet» white hands, &c, 40 long will our girls try to acquire them at whatever cost to health and comfort. How often do we see at an evening party, for instance, the " the light-headed " frivolous girls surrounded by the male sex to the entiro neglect of the quiet, retiring, aud sensible girl, "simply because the former may be pretty and the latter homely looking. There is no young gul but has somethiog to recommend her. Pretty girls are, as a rule, full of self conceit, and the men have themselves to blame for this, as ifc is nothing but their flattery bbat makes girls so frivulous.

I am particulary pleased to receive this from a mother of grown up daughters, written in" June, before my almost similar remarks could have reached her, bearing them out as it does. My correspondent goes on to give me most touching incidences which have come under her ov\n observation. In concluding the letter, she observes :

It is a lovely Sibbath morning iv this most; perfect climate; tuesun shines as it never shines in Duaedinj the birds are singing joyously on the cacoauub tr«3s, aati though we havo no "church bells" fco, remind U3 it is a day of r«i»t, yet all Nature seems to tay : " Peace on earth and good will to man." Dear Alics, I wish you could hive seen the moon as she rose last night in all her soft beauty, casting her shadows through the cocoanut grove. I stood t nbranced : the scene looked so fairy-like that I thought \\ only wanted some young peoplfl dressed in wbita to make the scene a reality."

A gentleman writing says

Some Indies wo are acquainted with when about to shakn hands extend their hands 3tiff and straight. The appearance chills bat the actual contact cardies the.blood. Others again are of the gnf-hiug kind, the smiles tbat wreathe their face* and the hearty shake would lead one to believe that to meet you was the happiest moment of their lives. Insincerity : do the same to the next fellow ! There should, I think, be a sort of mutual feeling a certain amount of

pleasure at meeting and shaking handsiwifch a friend or a stranger to whom you may be introduced for the first' time ; but how is it to Be regulated, that is the question ?.

f Well-bred people always divest th : esc little courtesies of any peculiarality of manner, and to those who move much in society they are as easy as the wearing of a well fitting glove, but to those who have not the advantages of cultured society this very handshaking, for instance, becomes a terrible thing. It is painful, as you say, to witness an awkward departing visitor go all round the room and shake hand 3 with one after another. But this need not be done. Shake hands with the hostess and host and bow goodnight to the remaining guests. Neither is it necessary to shake hands on introduction. It can be done or left undone: a bow will answer all that society expects — the handshaking can be offered as a token of good will. The chill and feeling of dislike you speak of is a matter of magnetism. Some people are so highly charged with, magnetism that if they are possessors of an amiable disposition they draw almost all towards them wherever they go. A glance into their eyes, and hands meet as if obeying some uncontrolable impulse. You feel, you know not why, " drawn, towards them ; ' you feel inclined to espouse their cause and views. Others you meet again and again always seem to you as strangers. It is the magnetic forces that draw you. People admit that they are attracted by certain persons without knowing why. These' people are very magnetic, that i? why, and no matter what class of the community they happen to fall among they can always win friends. Have you not noticed that one person will come into a room where others are sitting apathetic and dull, and in a few minutes everybody will be brightened up 1 Every eye is fixed upon that person, and each one has something to say to "the object of general attraction, and is anxious to render any little service. You really can't explain why ; but the reason is that the individual is very highly charged with electricitj r . Some women possess this power of influencing in a very marked degree. Men of different and opposing temperaments will feel it. Men who would never consult one another go to their mutual friend and unfold their plans, and the dogged willed and the genial are. led alike. The children are soon coaxed into good humour by the magnetic enchantress, and from a sullen or quarrelsome mood become docile aud interested, and everyone round feels either encouraged and hopeful or depressed, as the one is who is, without intent, and perhaps unconsciously, exercising the influence. ' So that while some must rigorously follow the gentle, well-bred courtesies of society to ensure giving pleasure, others . do it without effort and spontaneously. Some people can say and clo a great deal more than others without giving offence, and when they do offend they are very readily pardoned. The unmagnetic people may be perfectly well bred and of amiable disposition, yetj they are long in making friends. It is said " that whoever makes the fewest persons feel at ease is the best bred." This being so a set code of mannerisms will not meet the case. Tact and a sympathetic disposition are required to see and feel with a vast variety of tempeiaments, tact to do and say the right thing at^tKe right moment. - The height of good manners is to set others perfectly at their ease ; and how can this be done without a heart full of graciousness to fell with others? Someone has said, "Manners are not a veil to conceal, but an aperture to show our true selves." So that after all the first cultivation should begin with the heart, for real manners are the shadows of virtues — mannerisms are often worn as a cloak. There are some original characters so grand and lofty that little mannerisms would seem as much out of place upon them a3 to deck a mountain with ribbon bows. The clouds sweep over them, or the sunshine gleams, and native blossoms grow in many a cleft. But these are not ordinary mortals; the ordinary man cannot do just as he likes, unless that "like" be an amiable one, and many a man and woman has" lost a great deal of lites good through an imperious, unbending, ungracious disposition.

What a long digression ! Luckily there are no gaieties to report, and no pretty gowns to tell about or my column would become three at this rate. We have bad a remarkably quiet week. Operas and plays, concerts and balls may come ai.d go, but the links go on for ever. Is the rinking, in itself really so fascinating, or is it the fact that friend meets frieivl and without the conventionalities of polite life enjoys, the freedom from restraint ? I think this has a great deal to do with it. Of course I may be wrong, but I fancy so. There is something about human Dature that resents bondage. From its childhood it clambers over the wall and enjoys itself most on the forbidden side, and rinking seems to me to open the gate from stiff ceremonions restrictions. Of course, as I said before, all the fascination may be in the rinking itself.

Now for my next letter. " Can you tell me how I am to know when a rraa really loves me ?" is the question put in it. First of all he tslls you. You arc not supposed to have, the dimmest idea of it before then. It doesn't do to t.ike glances and sighs and nil that soil of thing as any guarantee. Some men have a knack of that sort of thing, and are really very entertaining to a woman who can see through them, but a young girl is often impressed by it, and wishes afterwards she hadn't been. If a man falls down on his knees and brings the sud, moon, and stars to witness, in language a3 picturesque as Lylton's, that he would die for you, don't believe him. He wouldn't do a far mora sensible and harder thing-— live for you. When it i? real love a man's heart beats too fast to find breath for all that sort of thing. Ho generally blurts out his confession very awkardly, and at the most unlikely moment. After that, for a time, he is satisfied with anything you do or say, s° happy is he that he has won you ; then he gradually asserts himself, and becomes the most exacting and imperious creature on the earth. So jealously selfish does he become that he calmly * demands the complete surrender of yourself. You must ignore the fact that you owe lasting debts of gratitude and love to old friends. He doesn't want you to receive any pleasure or be charmea and glad at anything or from anybody but himself. He will torment and worry you to death at times, and at others be the most

delightful creature alive. He will expect ! and think it nothing for you to make him the j most solemn vows, and expect you to break j any heart bat his in the attempt to keep ; them. If circumstances will allow he will desire no greater bappiness than to be near ypu. No pleasure will be so great to him as ' this, ani all the while he will be growing daily stronger and braver to resist and overcome temptation to evil. Stronger to do and dare the right. Things holy and gentle that he scoffed at once little by little he will believe in. and revere, because they will somehow seem a pare of you. As time goes on his lover's talk will give place to. a hundred self-denying acts. He will do things for you that he wouldn't like other men to know of ; he will share with you what he has to share, seeing that you get the most, and encompass you round about with safety and blessing — not that you deserve it more than another, but because he loves you. That is how you will know, and you cannot know it all at once, for it is a life's knowledge. To your second question, the gentleman should write first. Another correspondent writes :— . Dbar Alich, — I have used kerosene for washing now about 12 months, and I like ifc etter the longer I use it. I tried using a washing powder instead of kerosene for a few weeks, but ifc did not answer aa well. Some of my neighbours say it makes the clothes yellow, but mine are a better colour now than when I began to use ifc. On Thursday evening at* St. Mathew's Schoolroom a very enjoyable evening's entertainment was given, consisting of a conceit and the comic opera " Trial by Jury." The hall was crowded by a large and fashionable audience, but evening dress not being worn, I have no pretty gowns to tell you of. Among the audience I noticed most of our doctors' wives — Mesdames Batchelor, Ogston, Oolquhoun, Hocken, and Davies. Among others present I saw Mrs Henry Mackenzie, Mrs and Miss Stanford, Mrs Chamberlain, Mrs and Miss M'Neill, Miss Bathgate, Mrs Woodhouse, Mrs Melland, Mrs and the Misses Rattray, Mrs J. E. Denniston, Mrs Schnltz, Miss Sise, Miss Ifraser, Mrs Spence, Mrs Dymock, Mrs Bridges, Miss Morris, and Miss Ijiicy Haggitt. The whole performance was highly creditable, Mrs Rose and Mr Denseni giving, as usual, great pleasure. Mrs Rose looked very well in a black evening dress, a combination of net, satin, and jet, relieved with white flowers. The other ladies also wore black, relieved with flowers or coloured ribbons, except these who took part in *' Trial by Jury," and they wore bright and effective oolours, the plaintiff being dressed as a bride, in white with white tulle veil. Tho bridesmaids—who were as follows: Misses A. and M. King, Goudie, Pulton, M'Nair, Cross, Hanson, and Sparrow — wore pink, pale green, and white. Mr C. W. Rattray was the judge, *' and a good judge too," looking and acting his part extremely well, especially when ho was making love to the young ladies.