Pies are Pies.

Otago Witness, Issue 1912, 13 July 1888, Page 37

Pies are Pies.

"Abram Sawyer," said the old judge, replying to an old negro who had jusb addressed him, " is ifc possible that you want a divorce when ib lias only been three days since you were married 1 " " You doan know dab lady, jedge ; you doan know her, ur you wouldn't meek sich er gre't 'miration 'bout de fack." " Wliy, the other day you told me that if Silvy refused to marry you, you were a dead man 1 " " Yas, sah, I tole you dat." " And have you gotten over your love so soon ? "

"Wall, w scratching his head, "I has had ernnffi ter dribe lnb an 'fectios oaten de human breas'. I wuz er happy man at- fust, an' I 'mits dat life looked very promisin'; but all dat wuz changed dis mawninV

"How so?"

" Wall, sab, you knows dat 1 keeps er pie stan' down on de cornder. Wall, atter we had dun got ober the 'tivities o' dat maniage, I went on down ter de cornder ter sell mer pies, an' I hadn' been dar laung till SilTy she come along, she did. 'Law, bless me, Abram!' she-she, 'w'uter little cuddy- hole

some"' astonishment): "Me and my [little brother, of course." i — They don't seem to pay much, respect to the remains of great men. Here is -what we saw written outside a 3econd-hand bookseller's shop : " Lord Bacon's Remains, original and in good condition, 12s 6d; slightly worm-eaten, 75." — Young Mr Diplomat (at Washington party): "I am sorry, Miss Naive, that you have been down to supper. I had anticipated the pleasure of acting as your escort." Miss Naive : " Oh, thank you, Mr Diplomat ; but — er — l have only been down once." — The Giddy Girl: "But remember, my dear niece, that to get married is a very solemn thing." "Ye-es, auntie,. but not to get married is a more solemn thing."

o' er place yer's got yere; My star I look [at . clem 'pies. War you get all dem pies, honey 1 ' 'Buys 'em at er mighty big cost,' says I. • Ah, hah,' she-she, an' reachin' ober she took up er pie an' her face opened an' it wuz gone. Fo' de Lawd, jedge, I neber seed sich er mouf on er human bein'. I look in 'stonishment, I did, and couldn' hardly blebe it, but bless yer life de pie wuz done gone. • Ab'ram,' she-she, ' you is sich er good man an' I lubs yer so awful much. Ef I hadn't maird you I neber woulder maird ergin.' ' Look out, cut yo' nan' on dat glass,' sez I, but she smiled an' den filled de smile up wid erniider pie. I tell you, jedge, I wiiz gittin' anxious 'bout dis time, fur I seed ruin creepin' erlaung. ' Honey,' s' I, ' you better go on back ter de house fur l'se mightily fcerd you'll tpke col' out yere on dis damp ground.' ' Oh, I ain't erfeerd, fur l'se got on mer thick shoes,' she-she. ' Lawd bless you, no, I ain't erfeerd, fur w'en I wucked at de still 'ouse I stood on de damp groun' all dc time.' Ernuder pie wuz gone. 'Lawd bless yer,' she-she, 'w'y yo', darlin', ain't neber foun' nuthin' yit dat took de wire age offen her appetite.' She retched out her han' atter ernuder pie. Den I say ' hoi' on, lady ; hoi' on; Drap dat pie. Drap it right now.' She sorter laughed, she did, an' stopped up de laugh wid er pie. Dat las' pie settled it wid me, sah. I lubed her, but I couldn't bar ter see all dem pies go dat way, so I jes made up mer mine ter git er 'vorce. Jedge, dar's lots o' ladies in dis yere 'munity, but lemrae tell yer dat durin' deze hard times pies is pies." — Arkansaw Traveller.

Let Us Hope She Didn't. — They were looking out to sea.

" How flerce and turbulent the ocean is to-night, George, dear," she said, drawing closer to him, " and how augrilj it drshes the waves against the shore I " "Ah, yes, love," he gently responded, as he stole a protecting arm around the shrinking form of the timid girl ; " somebody must be crossing it." And a look came into her fair young face, as who should say, Dare I entrust my future happiness to such a man ?

A Showee-bath on Sentiment.— Mr Bothwell Kain (in an ecstacy of retrospection) ; " Do you remember, Marguerite, the morning, just 10 years ago, on which we stood at the altar and plighted the sweet troth that has carried us so peacefully and happily down the gentle slope of seasons, and—and — what on earth are you staring at ? "

Mrs Kain : " I was just comparing yon with this album portrait, dear, and wondering if you ever will get over the habit of winking your right eye as you talk."

He Forgave Them.— A little boy had been extremely naughty at dinner, and had been sent away from the table just as his favourite dessert — cabinet pudding, with butter sauce — was being served.

About 9 o'clock that evening, when the other children had gone to bed and his parents were alone in the sitting room, a tearful little face and a white-robed figure appeared at the door. " Mamma," he said bravely, between sobs, • ' you told me never to go to sleep when anything wrong had been dorfe until it was all put right, so I came down to tell you that — that— I — forgive you and papa for what you did to me at the dinner table,"