FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1910, 29 June 1888, Page 38

FUN AND FANCY.

— An Irishman having quarrelled with ' another, left him with the" f ollow&g "vicious;, remark : " Well, 1 hope yell nivir be where I wish you I" ... , • —Proud Father: "I believe, my f dear, that that baby knows as muoh as I do;" Mother (gazing at the., infant) : ',' Yes, poor little fellow I--' - ... '• ;•. • ; ■ .•■ — "What made the tower of Pisa lean?"-' | "Because of the famine in the land," said a I boy who got the tower confused with Joseph's " I brethren. • •;.- • ■> ■ ■ , — There is one thing to be said for the street' German band — it never hangs back and blushes and protests thai it is incompe- ■ tent when asked to play. . - ' , • * — Mulligan : " And phwat might . thim ■ things be with figgers on 'em ? " Murphy : " Shure, they do be milestones." Mulligan : " An' how fur are they apart l'\' ■ ,— Closed Right There.— Art' Dealer (descanting on the virtues of the picture) : "You will observe, sir, that the drawing is free ; that—" Agriculturist : " Well, if the drawin' is free, an' you don't ax me too much fer the frame b'gosh, I'll take it." —An infant was crying fretfully in its mother's arms in a street car the other day,when, she turned to a man at her side with the request of, H !Wud you plaze* to look cross at him, sor ;' he'lL think it's his father and kape shtill."— N. Y. Tribune: , ■ ■ „ — A millionaire, who was looking at a level fcract of land which he had just bought at an, extravagant price, said to the 'agent who had sold it to him, " I do admire a rich, green flat." " So. do I," significantly replied the agent. — Griggs : " See here, Slimley, a word with you before you go. . You've been calling on . my sister for three months, and I think it's about time, to ask yourintentibns." 1 Slimley: " Perfectly honourable, Tom. She proposed' to me to-night, and^we'll.be.married soon.'' .: —^At the French play (in Germany). — Irascible Gent (to his neighbour).: -"Sir, why do you keep staring at me like that? " • ♦-• I beg a thousand .pardons, but ,1 don't understand' French, and I was only watching' to see when, you laughed, so that I could laugh at the same time." - — " Poor fellow 1 he died in- poverty," said a man of a person lately deceased. .'."That isn't anything," exclaimed a seedy bystander. " Dying in poverty is no hardship ; it's living in poverty that puts the thumbscrews on a fellow!" —A man with three cur dogs following him along Water street was asked by a gentleman "what those dogs were gopd for?'.' The man replied, Yankee like, asking, "What two-thirds of the human race were good for." The gentleman went his way pondering on the problem.-. . • v • • —"And ithis,". exclaimed Miss Culture of Boston, when she reached the Catskill hotel, " this is' the domain of the deceased Mr Tcai?

Van 1 Winkle f .">/ « Tear?-"" SaiciMr; friena.^ " Yes.'^said she of Boston, <• yes> Tear; Nevr YorkpMf, refer, to Wnaras Rip.but' IthbikTear t is n3ore"reB f ne4^-Son't'ydu, niy dearT" —There was a very littlebby M wadinig ; up to his Snees, .almost, in slush, one ,afJ 6 ffi9°A in spring, when a passing gentleman said, /•Why aren't you at school, young man?" " ICos I've ''got '» 'the - } whbppinl 'opaghTf he' explained; •; " ' ' ;'>, --- • •'•(*< ;»' •> *\> •? ■;", r<l ' -^-A judge* ot niuch' J experience r says : •''•l have never had'a Breabh of promise case before me in which the % mbthdr. J bf;the^irl,dM~ not know more about it than^her; daughter/ She always'suspects that the, fellow is a rascalj and accordingly gets ready for"hinv."r"K ; ; \ -^-A Manchester lady has embfoideredttitf words and' m^sicof "Home,, Sweet Home;^ 'on a linen which is on th'e '' spare' ropm^ bed. rHer I ,gujesi;B'haye not d6piqed ! whether* the hostess, means to indicate' that^tHey must fe'el'^ home or had better go home.' ''- -