READ THIS IF YOU CAN.

Otago Witness, Issue 1905, 25 May 1888, Page 31

READ THIS IF YOU CAN.

[Let some member of the family read this story aloud, while with the dictionary, a late edition of either Worcester or Webster, and any other good helper to the study of language, the others criticise and correct or confirm the reader's pronunciation. There are 225 words here which are frequently mispronounced. 1 Geoffrey, surnamed Winthrop, sat in the depot at Chicago, waiting for ,his train and reading the Tribune, when a squadron of street Arabs (incomparable for squalor) thronged from a neighbouring alley, uttering hideous cries, accompanied by inimitable gestures of heinous exultation, as they tortured an humble black-and-tan, dog. " You little blackguards 1 " cried Winthrop, stepping outside and confronting them, adding the inquiry, "Whose dog is' that ?" " That audacious Caucasian had the bravado to interfere with our clique," tauntinglyshrieked the indisputable little ruffian, exhibiting combativeness. " What will you take for him ?" asked the lenient Geoffrey, ignoring the venial tirade. " Twenty-seven cents," piquantly answered the ribald urchin, grabbing the crouching dog by the nape. " You can buy licorice, and share with the indecorous coadjutors of your condemnable cruelty," said Winthrop, paying the price and taking the dog from the child. Then catching np his valise and umbrella he* hastened to his train. Winthrop satisfied himself that his sleek protege was not wounded, and then cleaned the cement from the pretty collar and read these words : " Leicester, Licensed. No.4880." Hearing the pronunciation of bis name the docile canine expressed gratitude and pleasure, and then sank exhausted at his new patron's feet and slept. Among the other passengers was a magazine contributor, writing vagaries of Indian literature, also two physicians, a sombre

i revocable* -irrefragable allopathist, and a genial homeopathtst, who ma-ie a specialty of bronchitis. 'Two peremptory attorneys' from the Legislature of lowa were d'scussing the politics of the epoch and the details of national ttnance, while a wan, dolorous person, wearing concave glasses alternately, ate troches and almonds for a sedative, and sought condolence in a high, lamentable treble from a lethargic and somewhat deaf and enervate comrade not yet acclimated. Near ihx.ee exemplary brethren (probably einecutfsts) sat a group of humorous youths, and sailor (lately from Asia), in a blQ r ,vse waist and tarpaulin hat, was amusing hj.s patriotic juvenile listeners by relating a Iseries of the most extraordinary legends extant, suggested by the contents of his knapsack, which he was calmly and leisurely arranging in a pyramidal form on a threelegged stool. Above swung figured placards; with museum and lyceum advertisements, too verbose to be misconstrued. A mature matron of medium height and her comely daughter soon entered the car, and took seats in front of Winthrop (who recalled having seen them one Tuesday in February in the parquet of a theatre). The young lady had recently made her debut into society at a musical soiree at her ' aunt's. She had an exquisite bouquet of ' flowers that exhaled sweet perfume.' She said to her parent, " Mamma, shall we ever find my lost Leicester ?" Geoffrey immediately addressed her, saying, as he presented his card : "Pardon my apparent intrusiveness ; but prithee, have you lost a pet dog 1" The explanation that he had been stolen was soarcely necessary, for Leicester, justawkening, vehemently expressed his inexplicable joy by buoyantly vibrating between the two like the sounding lever used in telegraphy (for to neither 'of them would he show, partiality), till, succumbing to ennui, he purported to take a recess, and sat on his haunches, complaisantly contemplating his friends. It was truly an interesting picture. I They reached their destination ere the sun was beneath the horizon. Often, during the summer, Winthrop gallantly rowed from the quay with the naive and blithe Beatrice in her jaunty yachting suit ; but no coquetry shone from the depths of her azure eyes. Little Less, the jocund confidante and courier (and who was as sagacious as a spaniel), always attended them on these occasions, and whene'er they rambled through the woodland paths. While the band played strains from Beethoven, Mendelssohn, Bach, and others, they promenaded the long corridors of the hotel. And one evening, as Beatrice lighted the gas by the etagere in her charming boudoir in their suite of rooms, their glistened brilliantly a valuable solitaire diamond on her finger. Let us look into the future for the sequel to perfect this romance, and round a cheerful hearth we see again Geoffrey and Beatrice, who are paying due homage to their tiny friend Leicester.