FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1904, 18 May 1888, Page 38

FUN AND FANCY.

. _ _ . — Bagley ::. " I can't see why you wouldn't give, the lady your name .after.saying her life." ! Gagley': "Afraid to, my boy.' It's leap year, you know." — Texas Sittings. ■ • —Magistrate : " .So you admit having been engaged- in!' making .counterfeit,, money ?" Prisoner: ,"Yes, your Honor ; you see ' the supply of ftie genuine article is so very, very short. ; , ' . "P; •' My darling George" it used to bej When wedded life was new ; " His title iiow is " him " and " ho," \ And sometimes '• Say, there you." ' — A woman waved a red flag, stopped a train, and asked the guard for, a chew of tobacco ,f or her. old man, who was confined to the house by rheumatism, ■— " Can anything , settle the servant girl question ? " asks a weary housekeeper. To which we respectfully reply, " Yes,' the kerosene can." — "There is nothing impossible to the determined spirit," says a philosopher. Evidently that philosopher never tried to reach up behind his shoulder to get hold of the end of a broken brace. -vs.. t'» • — Host (something of a musician, who is entertaining a country friend at dinner) : "Would you like a sonata before dinner, Squire ? " The Squire : " Well, I don't mind. I had two on my way here, but I can stand another." ; , — Young Husband : " Isn't there something peculiar about the taste of these ' onions 1 " ' Young Wife (anxiously) : " Oh, I hope not. I took such pains with them ; I even sprinkled them with. Jockey Club before I put them on to boil to take away the unpleasant odour." , . ■ —A stockbroker, returning to bis office the other day after a substantial luncheon with a client, said, complacently, to his head clerk : "■Mr Putkin, the world looks different to a man when he has a bottle of champagne in him." " Yes, sir," replied the clerk, significantly, "and he looks different to the world." i —Two Ways of Looking at It.— Small Boy (to his big sister): "Edith, do you know why I think you are like a cat that has fallen into a hogshead of molasses 1 " Edith : " Because I'm so sweet ? " Small Boy : " No ; because you're so stuck up." — Mother : " Bobby, I think you are' the noisiest little boy 'I ever saw. You drive me distracted." Bobby : " Well, why don't you buy me a drum, then, ma ? That's the only thing that'll keep me quiet." — Father (trying to read the paper): " What was that awful racket in the half just now?" Mother:' "One of the children fell down the stairs." Father (irascibly) : " Well, you tell those childreu that if they cannot fall down stairs quietly they won't be allowed to fall down them at all." " Rough on Piles."— Why suffer Piles ?< Immediate relief and complete cure guaranteed. I Ask for " Rough on Piles." Sure cure for itching, , protruding, bleeding, or any form of I Piles.