FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1894, 9 March 1888, Page 35

FUN AND FANCY.

— Some acrobats are fresh and somersault. — The cabman is the ladies' man. lie is always after the fare.

— It is a well-known fact that you can't mix oil and water. It would be pleasant to know the same, of milk and water.

— A Vassar girl being asked what kind of noun kiss was responded with a blush that it was both common and proper.

-*-" Jenny," said a little girl's mother, " why don't you be good?" " Yes, mamma, but it is hard to bo good, and I can be bad without trying."

— Johnnie at his reading lesson comes to the word "corrode." "Corrode, to eat away. I say, mamma, didn't I corrode at that jam pudding to-day 7"

— Why His Eyes Were Bright.— Caller (to little Bobby) : " Bobby, what makes your eyes so bright?" Bobby (after a little thought) : 1 dess it's tause I hain't had 'em very long.

—Collector: "I have a little bill here, sir, that I would like to have." ' Man of the world: "Yes; please lay it down in that easy chair, sir." "Easy chair!" "Yes. It's been running so long it must be tired." — Inquiring Father : " What l'se like ter know, yo' onery child, is how yo's able ter smoak cigahs when yo' ole fadder kin only smoak his pipe ? " Forward Son : " l'se ain'b got no chil'n to support." —Miss Gotham : " Have you visited any of the art galleries since you have been in town, Mr Wabash ? " Mr Wabash (of Chicago) : " Two or three only. For the past year, Miss Gotham, I've been drinking very little." — • New York Sun.

—The Eev. Dr Holland, Chicago divine and wit, after eating abundantly of roast; beef at table d'hote one day, asked a friend why the beef he had just consumed was like Amsterdam. The friend didn't know. "Because," said the genial man of cloth, "it's in Holland."— Boston Gazette.

— A lady who was a skilled pianist visited a friend and was asked to test a now piano. The host's little boy was in the parlour, and, during the intermission in the playing he was seen to be crying bitterly. "Why, Georgie, what's the matter ? " inquired the visitor. With voice broken by sobs, he replied: "That's our piano, an' your gettin* all the music out of it."

— A young man who had fallen in love with a country girl went to her father — a blunt old farmer— and, with a polite flourish, said, " Sir, I have come to ask you for the hand of your daughter in marriage." The old man, looking at him in surprise, responded, " Her hand ! Only her hand 1 Why don't you ask for the gal ?"

—What Causes Intemperance.—" Are you familiar with the various causes which bring about so much drunkenness in this benighted land ?" he asked. "I am (hie) quite familiar with some of them, sir," hiccoughed the young man politely ; " such as whisky, gin, brandy, and beer, for (hie) instance."

— Mr John Clerk (afterwards Lord Eldon) in pleading before the House of Lords one day, happened to say, in his broadest Scotch accent : "In plain English, ma lords." Upon which a noble lord jocosely remarked : "In plain Scotch, you mean, Mr Clerk." Ihe prompt advocate instantly rejoined : ♦• Nae matter, in plain common sense, ma lords, and that's the same in a' languageSi yell ken."

— " How are you finding business, doctor ? " was asked of a physician. "Capital,"' he replied. " I have all that I can attend to." "I didn't understand that there was much sickness about." " No, there isn't. But we physicians do not depend upon sickness'for an income. Oh, no ; most of our money is made from people who have nothing the matter with them."