Hunting for a Match.

Otago Witness, Issue 1891, 17 February 1888, Page 35

Hunting for a Match.

There are many things in this life which can't be veraciously characterised as over pleasant, and one of these is hunting up a match. It is different with a pin or a tack. , When you want one of these all you are obliged to do is to look on that portion of the carpet where you are most in the habit of walking in your bare feet, and one is sure to turn up. The young man arrives home any time from midnight until 2 in the morning. He gets into the hall all right, hangs his hat up and f eels for the banisters. After he has wandered through the parlour and out into the kitchen several times he finally gets hold of them, and sets out to reach his room. Of course the moon has just gone behind a cloud, the room is black as a Zulu warrior. The young man comes to the conclusion that what he really wants is a match, so he begins the hunt. He holds his hands out before, so that his face won't collide with anything, and then steers across the room as noiselessly as possible. A mystery that can never be satisfactorily cleared up is that a man who steps as heavily as an elephant in the daj time will always walk on his toes when looking for a match in the dark. Perhaps he is afraid the match will run away, or fly up in his face and sting Jhim. He finally reaches the mantelpiece,*and feels all round tke clock in vain. Then his nails catch on the needlework, under a vase, and that comes to the floor, with all the eclat it can bring to bear. As his boots are off his fear redoubles. If ho should step on one of those bits of glass it might kill him, and he is too young to die, ' so he glides his feet along without lifting them at all. He is so intent on escaping being cut that he doesn't notice the close proximity of the rocking-chair. He flies over it as gracefully as anyone could without due preparation, and deposits himself in the grate. He comes out of this with his ears and mouth full of dust and cinders and torn memoranda, and is wild as a tiger. He wanders over to the bureau and finds a match. He is happy now because he has triumphed. He strikes the match on the marble slab of the washstand, but it doesn't light. Of course there is a reason for it. It has been lighted before. He is wilder than ever, and vows vengeance on everything that enters his mind. He sits down on his bed and pulls out his handkerchief to wipe the perspiration off his brow. In bringing it out he discovers matches in his pocket, and recollects having bought a box a few hours before. Thi3 makes him wilder than ever. He finally lights the gas and retires for the night. The Use of Slang.— Clergyman : "Nothing better illustrates the degeneracy of the age than the extent to which slang is now used." " I should remark." "People who claim refinement interlard their sentences with slang words." "You bet." "Even the ladies cannot talk without slinging in a lot of sewer language." " Yes, they get there just as well as the men," " It makes me tired to think of it." 4 " Here, too,"— Nebraska State Journal. She Knew Her Mamma.— "Pa, won't you give me a new dress, I want one so much." " I'll speak to your mother about it." The child's wistful expression was turned into disappointment. " Surely mamma will know if it's necessary." "Yes," replied the child demurely. "I suppose so, But when you speak to her

touch her easy, papa, or she might want one for herself."— Texas Siftings.

1 "You never drink or smoke, do you, George, dear?" she said. "You know I could never marry a man who drinks and smokes."

George, in a broken-hearted tone of voice, admitted that he did smoke and drink a little, aud turned to go.

But a pair of white, thirty-three-year-old arms were round his neck in a moment.

" Nevermind, George," said the girl, " perhaps my wifely influence will induce you to give them up."

Charley (aged eight — to his sister Fanny's new beau) : " Say, Mr Sophtly, Fanny said last night that you was not such a fool as you looked."

Billy (aged seven): "Why, Charley, she didn't say anything of the sort."

Mr Sophtly : " I should imagine not, Billy. What did she say ?"

Billy : " She said you didn't look as great a fool as you were." — Arkansaw Traveller.