FUN AND FANCY.
—"Mamma, is that a spoiled child?" asked a little boy on seeing a negro baby for the first time.
— " No," said Mrs Malaprop, sadly, " I knew that girl couldn't live ; it was like seeing a flower fade away — pellet after pellet falling off."
— " Do you tumble 1 " asked Amy, after explaining something to a high school girl. " No, clear," said Mildred seveiely, " I do not tumble, but I precipitate myself in that direction."
— Over a bridge in Georgia is the following: — "Any person driving over this bridge in a pace faster than a walk, shall, if a white man, be fined sdol, and, if a negro, receive 25 lashes, half the penalty to be bestowed on the informer."
— The novel writers are fond of quoting the determination of their heroine to sell her life as dearly as possible. They probably would have us to understand that she intends to marry an old man for his money.
— A little girl had been told by her nurse that if she did not think so much by day she would dream less at night. " But I can't help thinking," she said ; and added pathetically : " I cannot make my mind sit down."
— It is estimated that the amount of force expended by the average man in moving furniture about his room to recover a collar button that has rolled under the bureau (one of the 20 he bought for sc) would tow a a loaded steamer to the breakwater.
— "Could you show me the way to the cathedral ? " asked a stranger. " Turn round that corner and inquire for the glove shop ; the cathedral is close by," was the odd reply of the intelligent native thus accosted.
— " Is that a Landseer, Mr Croesus ? " asked the visitor, pausing before one of the paintings. "No," replied the host, " reckon it's a Durham. See how broad it is between the horns, and see the colour on its forehead. That's a genuine Durham. That ain't no Landseer."
— Curious ways of expressing ideas in English may be expected from foreigners, as for instance, when the Frenchman, who paid a call in this country and was about to be introduced to a family, said: "Ah, ze ladies ! Zen I vould before, if you please, vish to purify my hands and to sweep mine hah\"
— A country yokel went to a menagerie to examine the wild beasts. Several gentlemen expressed the opinion that the orang-outang was a lower order of the human species. Hodge did not like this idea, and striding up to the gentlemen expressed his contempt for it in these words : " Pooh ! he's no more of the human species than I be."
—Applicant : " I have had considerable experience with children ma'am, and never had any trouble in making them like me. Mistress : " That is a very important." Applicant: "And I am sure I would get on with your little dog, ma'am." Mistress (stroking the animal): "You would have nothing to do with Fido, dear little fellow 1 He is my own especial charge."
— A rural teacher was examining a new pupil in order to tell where to place him in her class. The first question asked was : " Have you ever parsed any 1 " The boy looked up with considerable surprise in his face, and after some hesitation he replied: "Yes'm, but I don't think it's er good plan to parse if you've got anything bigger'n a jack in your hand to dror to."
—Perspiring Friend (just arrived, to Eccentric Engineer, living in the country, and looking as if he had emerged from an ice box) : "My dear fellow, what a very hard gate yours is to open." E. E. : *• Ha Iha ! so everybody says, but each time that gate is opened sgal of water are pumped up to the top of my house, don't you see. Ha I ha ! " P. F. doesn't appreciate the joke.
— Mrs Bagley : " William, what is this new sect, the Soul Savers ? " Bagley : " They believe that the world will be destroyed in the night" " Mercy I I wouldn't like that." " Woman, what difference would it make bo long as it must be destroyed 1 " " William,
lam astonished at you 1 In the middle 01 the night ! Why, I wouldn't have time to dress ! "
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