ANECDOTES of ENGLISH PEDDLERS AND HAWKERS.

Otago Witness, Issue 1861, 22 July 1887, Page 31

ANECDOTES of ENGLISH PEDDLERS AND HAWKERS.

A vendor of cheap spectacles called on an ancient maiden lady and displayed his glittering stock. The lady remarked that she had recently purchased a pair in a neighbouring town. " Do they suit you, ma'am 1 " " Yes, I think so." " It's a serious thing to have spectacles that don't suit; very harmful, very. I've travelled for years with, glasses pf all.descriptions, aM Ive 1 known a lot of mischief done by glasses bought permiscus-like. They don't mind a bit what they sell over counters, not they; they never look to see the customer again, likely. Now, I'm on this round reg'lar, an' it stands to reason as I have to be wonderful careful. Might I have a glance at these spectacles, ma'am ? " Impressed by the tone of respectful sympathy, the lady fetched them, and the hawker, with an assumption of much knowledge, turned them round and round and tested both glasses and frames, His verdict soon came ; — " I'm sorry, real sorry for yej^a'am ; ye've beeu deceived. TheSe spectacles are really dahgerous ; blue steel frames o' this pattern and temper '11 be sure to injure the temples." ( He began to gather up his pack. " Then, what do you recommend ? "

" Well, ma'am, 'tis a sacrifice ; but to oblige ye, I'll exchange a pair for these, if ye please ; you'll be safe then."

With a little more persuasion the bargain was effected. A week later the lady reappeared at the shop from whence had come ,the discarded pair of glasses. The new ones had proved utterly useless. She had to return considerably poorer in pocket, if richer in experience, to those certain, in the hawker's words, to " injure her temples." A hawker of brushes (fancy ones) laboured, without success, to dispose of a third-rate hairbrush at a wayside cottage. He was told it was "not good enough." He retreated to his van.

11 Bess, a piece of tissue paper, quick I." It was provided ; the self -same brush care* fully swathed therein, and the man returned to the conflict.

" This'll suit ye, miss ; and only ninepence more."

The brush in its soft white wrapping, presented thus unblushingly, was approved and actually • purchased. The hawker's triumph was complete. An almost parallel case to this latter concerned some imitation tortoise-shell combs, and being also a fact, affords equally striking evidence not only of fertility of resource on the part of the vendors, but well-nigh astounding credulity on the side of the victim.

A man and his wife were hawking these combs on different rounds of the same town. Jasper called at a brewery cottage, and long and well in defence of his goods. But he was taken off his guard (rare instance) at the outset by a direct question. Were these combs genuine tortoise-shell? No-o, they weren't, he confessed. Then the lady absolutely declined to buy. Jasper departed crestfallen, met his wife, and recounted with his other adventures this last and least satisfactory one. Mrs Jasper was unwilling to admit defeat. She walked off at once to the designated house, and something like the following dialogue taok place : — " Any tortoise combs to-day, ma'am, if ye please ? Beautiful articles they are," "But not real, I fancy?" " Real ? Dear me, yes ma'am ; look for yourself, Wouldn't; carry any that weren't,

and.s.jaiafc makes 'em a little tit high in pripV,' ' ;• ■ r ,ii'!i« j/ i i , And the cunning dame Beize'd the op* portttnity of naming a figure that should properly have bought half a score of her trumpery.wares. I <■ Her' anveraary fell into the trap and purchafeedaicomb/ j '•> ' i

But audacity in swindling (there is no other word euffioiently accurate) occasionally reaches a loftier pitch yet, and has almost the force of genius. A hawker called at a large general stare} say, In 1884, and wanted a' stqcl of the current year's alrttana'tfs. ■ "It'Bla\{e;ifi ih§ Season',- I Mow, efcd d' January, but I've gfrt ordefs' fo* fotts Siid 1 guess I could sell a, lot." • "We have none left," responded the storekeeper.

' " None !, Why, what are these 1 " 1 ; " Old ones, rubbish, date of 1881."

"For" ., Sale at waste-paper price,- I fiipfloSe? 8 , . ... T; yes; btit .they're Useless. Vriltate/fem I .',' . ; And he Sid: l( tr^nspjlre'aat'Jefwa'rd^th^t the; a'Stttte' •• e'HmiriefMal ", h'aa reviged the date on ,eM cop"& fMSftfrMng wifcfi ifie p£n the"! " intp' a f'4," and had qlea'reo: otifl the, whole at ; published prices,' making thus 1 a' r g^ M W. fc „Wn p W W9f4i A? his^ bargain; $ow -atid undOT wh^t .circumstances the u'n-, fortunate mtikh Mid" out, their, blunder the trick that had been played upon them is a tempting subject for imagination. , ..., V

A country, hawker about whom very many hard things have been said and written is the travelling draper, or " tally-man." He is accused of encouraging undue love of dress and finery in the bosoms of his fair clients, df inveigling them into the ways of debt and danger, and then, when once they are at his mercy, of extorting the last farthing in satisfaction of his demands, and the Cost sometimes of household peace or even of individual hbnesty. He m&tf not be altogether acquitted" j btit there is another aide tb the" picture', ft is largely tfie 1 QWrVenletiee df " credit " tf hich is at the root of the censures so ( ire'eiy passed. The" system and not) the man is chie'fly l #t fault; , The tklly-m|tn seeß mucH of the" s'ea'njf side* df English village life, find th@ sights Be witnesses and the treatment to which he is subjected make hima humourist inspiteof his devotion to "business." The villagers are not infrequently adepts at tiding off the evil day of payment for the articles they have bought. On the traveller's call they will fasten the door, and be, apparently, out of both sight and hearing, of they will instruct 1 their children to return the dooiety answer— ; " Mother's not at home, sir." £hereare many stories current of pasmoq&te,tiawWsiwJid. Ij&ve resented by forced doors o£ terrified chilQre'n this coh'teinptuqu's behaviour on the part of- their" patr'aniL About one such adventure that recurs to memory, as told by a " tally-man," there is a spice of grim humour that would have commended it to either Scott or Dickens, as a fragment of realism suitable for incorporation in a work of fiction mirroring life . and character. A cottage was entered, but the owner was not visible, ■ "Mrs Smith I" No answer 4 "Mrs Smith! Mrs Smith! Mrs Smith!" in ton#s reaching a" Ctdscendoj and still no answer. • ■ . . The " gudewife " could not be far away, for on the fire were cooking some cutlets, evidently in preparation for the mid-day meal. i Mrs Smith was deeply in debt, and this was not the first time she had proved a defaulter. The soul of the draper is stirred ' within him, and he waited ; waited until the contents of the woman's fryingpan were a charred, useless mass, and a penalty had at least been inflicted for the monetary wrong. Then he departed, and Mrs Smith, it may be presumed, dame dotvti. once more from the regions' at dv"e{, a sadder, if not a 1 wiser, woman. — Leisure Hour.