COOL CUSTOMERS. Mystifying the Savages.

Otago Witness, Issue 1858, 1 July 1887, Page 31

COOL CUSTOMERS. Mystifying the Savages.

Years ago, when the white men who had seen the Rocky Mountains might still have been counted, and only few of of the prairie Indians knew the use, of firearms, Fitzpatriok had one day got separated from his companions. As ill-luck /would (have it, he was seen by a party of ,war Indians, who immediately gave chase. There was no chance of escape for him, but, the young hunter made a. feint of running away, in order to gain time. He knew that these savages had -several ;times, when they had taken .white > men hunters prisoners, put the muzzle of their rifles close to their breasts, and fired them by way of experiment to see what would come of it. He therefore took the bullet from his, and continued his flight. The Indians soon overtook him, and disarmed him, and then tied him to a tree. ,,,, One of the warriors who understood how to pull a trigger seised the rifle, placed himself a few paoes in front of the owner of it, took aim at his breast, and fired ; but .when the Indians looked through the smoke towards Fitzpatriok they saw him standing safeand.sound hi his place, and he quietly took the, bullet out of his pocket and tossed , it , to ■ his enemies, who were all amazed. They declared he had arrested the bullet in its flight, was invulnerable; a wonderful conjuror, ;and that some great evil would .befall them if they did not set him free. They therefore cut his bonds, and made off as fast a possible, leaving Fitzpatrickjto go where he pleased,

The Result of being Obliging.

A humourist, being one Inight at a theatre, fancied he saw a friend some three seats in front of him. Turning to his next neighbour, he said: "Would you be kind enough to touch that gentleman with yodr stick ?"— " Certainly," was the reply, and the thing was done. But when the individual thus assaulted turned round, the humourist saw he was not the man he took him for, and became at once absorbed in the play, leaving his friend with the stick to settle matters .with the gentleman in front, which,. as he had no excuse handy, was nob done without some consider- • able trouble. When the hubbub was over, the victim said: "Didn't yon- tell me^ sir, to tap that man with my stick 2"—" Yes."— «> What -. did you want f— « Oh," said - ■ the

humourist, with imperturbable H t wanted to see whether you 'would or ,not!' ' .'..;■ »-.« H»w Mnch he; was Prepared to Dis.gorge.

Impudently cool as,the j humourist was, he must yield the palm- for'effrontery .to the I Erie railway guard, 1 - whose* interview .with ! the manager is thus related :— " Yqu are a conductor on the Erie, t believe ?'^-" Yes sir."— "How long have ' you been on the | road ?"— «• Fifteen years."— *• Worth ' some property, I learn ?' — " Some^^'Have a;very | fine house in'Oswego; : Cost' you J souie thirty, forty, or fifty 1 thousand 'dollars?"— " Yes I sir." — " Own a farm' near' where you reside ?" — " Yes, sir;" — •« Had nothing when yoricommenced as conductor on our f oad V — "Nothing to speak of."—" Made the property sirieef '— " Yes sir."—-" Been at work foor. no' other parties ?"— " No ; but r> I have' '* been saving money, and invested it* from 5 time to time to good advantage."— "Well; sir,- what' will'you give to settle? Of course 'you cannot pretend to say you have acquired l this property from what you have saved from ybvir, salary? You will riot deny that you BaVe pocketed a great deal of money belonging to'the railway at least 50,000d0l or ,60;000d6ir Now', 15 sir, what will ydu give to settle,- and hot be degraced, as you certainly will be if a'lrial is brought, and you are ' compelled.' to- give 1 up the property you prof ess ' to 'own, 'but which in reality belongs to the company I "—"Well, Mr Manager, I had no thought of the matter. For several years I have been running- my train to the best of my ability. Never looked [at the matter in' this light before; 'Never | thought I was doing 'anything' wrdng. 1 I have done nothing more 'than Other conductors ; tried to earn my salary 'arid get it, •and I think I've succeeded." ' I ''don't' think I owe th 6 company anything. If y you think I do, why, there is- a little difference of opinion, and F don't want any, trottDld over it. I have' a nice family, nice "father "and mother ; relatives all of good standing ; they would feel bad to have me attested and charged with dishonour. It would kill my wife. She has every confidence in me, and the idea that I would take 'a' penny that 'did not belong to me would break her heafti I don't care anything for the matter' myself ; but on account of my family relatives, if 'you won't say anything more about' 'it, I'll give you, say— a dollar." ''■»

A Brave irishman. ' s When gallant Ponsonb'y lay,, grievously wounded on the field of Waterloo, l^e forgot his own desperate -plight while watching an encounter between a" couple , of French" Lancers and one of his own men,, cut off, from his troop,. As the Frenchmen came down upon Murphy, he, using' his sword as if it were a shilleleb, knocked /their lances alter* nately aside again and again. Then gud* denly setting spurs to his horse, he galloped off at full speed, his eager foe's following in hot pursuit, but not quite neck anil neck. Wheeling round at exactly the right moment, the Irishman, rushing at theioremost fel}ow, parried his lance, and struck him down. '.The second,, pressing on to avenge his comarade, was cut throngh diagonally by Murphy's sword, 'falling to the earth without a'ory or a groan ;, while the victor, scarcely glancing afc his handiwork, trotted pff whistling "The Grinder.'' , , Bursting- Shells. '\ Ponsonby's brave cavalry man knew how to take things coolly which, according to Colonel R. P. Anderson, is the, special virtue of the British man-of-warsman, who, having the utmost reliance in himself and his commanders, is neither easily over-excited or readily alarmed. In support of his assertion, the Colonel relates how two, tars, strolling up from the Dil-Kusha Park, where Lord Clyde's army was stationed, towards the Residency position at Lucknow, directed' their steps by the pickets of horse and foot. Suddenly, a 241b shot struck the road just in front of them. "I'm blessed Bill," said one of the tars, "if this 'ere channel is properly buoyed," and on the happy-go-lucky pair went toward the Residency, as calmly as if they had been on Portsmouth yard. During the same siege, a very young private of, the 102 nd was on sentry, when an Sin shell, fired from a gun a 100 yards off, burst close to him, -making a deal ,of noise, and throwing up an immense quantity of earth. Colonel Anderson rush'ed,to the, spot. The youthful- soldier was standing quietly at "his post, close to where the shell had just exploded. Being asked, what had happened, he replied unconcernedly,' " I think a' shell has busted, sir." , „, ' % ' Two American Yarns. ,■: While General Thomas was inspecting, the fortifications of Chattanooga with General Garfield, they heard someone shouts- "Hello, mister! You 1 Yes, I want to speak to you I" — General Thomas, turning, found he was the " mister " so politely hailed by an East Tenneseean soldier.— "Well, my man," said he ; M what do you want with me 1" ■' " I want to get a furlough, mister,, that's what I want," was the reply. — "Why dd you want a furlough, my man 2" inquired the General. — "Wall, mister, I want to go home and see my wife."—" How long is it, my good fellow, since you saw her ?"r-" Ever since I enlisted, now nigh on to three months." — " Three months!" exclaimed the astonished commander ; " why I have not seen, my wife for three years."— -The Tenneseean looked incredulous, and drawled out, "Wall, you see, me and my wife ain't that sort." • ' The Postmaster-general of :the ' United States onoe received an odd official /communication. The Raeborn postmaster, new to his duties, writing to his superior officer. Baid \ " Seeing.by the regulations, that I am required to send you a letter of advice, I must plead in 'excuse that I- have been post> master but a short time; but I will say, if your, office pay is no better 'than (mine, I advise you to give it up." To this day that Postmaster-general has not decided whether his subordinate was an ; ignoramus or was quietly poking fun at him. •'„-•

Reversing the Position.

Spite of the old axiom • about self-praise, many are of an opinion that the world is'apfr to take a man afc hiflfown valuation.' If that be true, there' is' a church dignitary in embryo somewherein the young deacon, whose examining deacon felt it requisite to sencf for the clergyman recommending hlmforbrdm-

• jttion, in order to tellhim to keep that young man. in check; adding, by way of explanation, " I had the greatest difficulty, sir, to .pvAyftnf hin> f»xaTr»inir)g ma!", ' ,