FUN AND: FANCY:

Otago Witness, Issue 1856, 17 June 1887, Page 36

FUN AND : FANCY:

!, — The cook; is the proper party to hold ttiet steaks. — Lowell Citizen. , — A person with a cork leg, corkscrew, eyes, blue -bottle nose, and jughandle ears must be full of spirits. — Whitehall Times. ' ] '. . '— The best,,time to drink' is when your;arei , thirstyj Liquids , taken, at any qther time are apt to pro,ve damp. — Eochester Post-Dis-•patch. ; : , .•..... • .... ■■■■■ ,-., .. ; — When a lady presents a sample of hair at a hairdresser's fo^the^purpose of matching it v it, is, always the, hair of a,f riend. . Her own' ;Bail!; Bail!. never seems to need matching. „ - \ , '" —Another centenarian has died, at- the age of 108. As the habits of these old -co vies I are always a matter 'of interest, we state that i J he 'lived, on plain food, drank like 1 a ! , fish 1111 11, 1 i smoked like a foul chimney, chewed like 1 an 1 aligatbr, and on" one "occasion, while drunk;* sat upon his hat. , „ ' 7 ; -T^Mbre than' eight million umbrellas were -. manufactured in this country ,last, year. VV^e, don't ask what; has, become of this vast^iijim-'' ber, but we would like to know where three of them went to. — " Oh, give us a rest," said a young man, impatiently, to a little ,boy who was- busy plying him with questions. • The little fellow looked at him a moment, and then, with the utmost innocence, said, ?■' Well, you rest and and I'll talk." . . . . . —A 'gentleman, passing through a potatopatch, observed an Irishman planting some lie inqtiired l of him what, kind he had there. "" Raw ones, to be sure," replied the ,son of Erin; ." if they were boiled they , wouldn't grow." ' — How things do get mixed up sometimes. .A little girl about seven years old came into the office, the other 'day, begging. She had a paper, saying: "The .bearer of this' is, a worthy widow, with five children, in needy circumstances." — It is all very well to talk about economy, says Jack Hardup, but the difficulty is.to get ( anything to economise. The little, baby who puts'his coes in his mouth is almost the only, person who in these hard times manages to make both ends meet. ,—lt, — It is said "that Manchester. ■ has the politest lawyer in the country.- A long and terrific roll of thunder having, stopped, him in the midst of his address to the, jury, on resuming he bowed, and courteously said:, ", Gentlemen', please excuse this interruption." . . , "..... ' ' — T A lawyer walked down the street • .recently, with hiss length oO arm taxed to hold a lot of law books. To him a' friend; .pointing. at the books, said, " Why, I thought you carried all the' stuff in your head. "I' do," 1 quickly : replied' the "lawyer, with a i knowing wink ; " these are for 1 the judges." ' : ! —A son of the late Isaac' Butt was We day, passing through the streets of Dublin, '^nd, jusfc before him was an oyster man ,calling i'j fresh oysters." .Butt, who was. a good. 'mimic,, began to call, out in rthe same tone of voice, "Stale oysters— stale oysters; I ' (•, (The fish vendor, turning round, exclaimed in great, anger, ',' Ah, . it.'s you that would stale >themif you could." . ' • , <, , , ". ' ■ j n-" Dearest," said .a i fond, but* practical. ljDver, -after the wedding-day had been set, *! can you — cr — do you know how to sweep?" V Sweep?" repeated the girl, with a proud ' glitter in her eyes. "At the party to-morrow night, George, just watch me as I sweep into t;he room ! " . . , - j ; v ; — In a Paris restaurant a g'entlenian and a snob are seated at the same table. - The snob is just finishing his dinner, the gentle--' . man just beginninghis. The' snob lights a cigar and blows a cloud of smoke over his > coffee. The gentleman rises and says in the ' . politest tone :— " Excuse me.' sir, will it annoy you'if I eafc while you are smoking?". ,