THROUGH JEST TO MATRIMONY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1852, 20 May 1887, Page 31

THROUGH JEST TO MATRIMONY.

Marriages are often the result of accident. It seems strange, but the most prudent persons will sometimes conceive an irresistible attachment at the suggestion of a word or look. When once under the spell of the verb "To love," they go through all the forms and finish the declension of the verb before the altar. The few may give this subject the consideration it deserves, but the many, there is reason to fear, are guided by impulse. A skipper of a coasting vessel called at the village inn and asked the landlady, a young widow: "Do you know where I can get a mate ? I have lost my mate."

" I am very sorry for you, Mr ," she said, smiling. " I want a mate too, and cannot get one. As we are in the same position, I'll tell you what I'll do ; if you'll be mine I'll be yours." He closed with the bargain, and the widow keeping to her word, he is now supplied with two mates.

A young man at a church bazaar was button-holed by a lady; she would not let him go until he bought something. He looked fat her stall, which contained fancy work of various kinds. " Why," he said, " I see nothing here that would be of the least use to me, a bachelor, except yourself. The rest would be dear to me at any price."

" I will be cheap enough," she said, coaxingly- " If you could be dear enough, perhaps — " "Oh, cornel you are just the person I want," taking him by the arm.

She sold him one article after .another, keeping up an agreeable conversation the while, and before all was done, he had purchased everything on the stall. Then, at settling up, there was pomething said about discount.

"I cannot return any money," she said, blushing; " but if you think me dear enough, there's mamma; she may give you my hand."' The bargain was accordingly concluded.

An eminent doctor, who had saved the life of a lady, a personal friend, was asked his charge. He said he generally allowed his patient-friends to remunerate him as they thought befitting.

" But don't you often get disappointed on these terms ?" she inquired.

"I may say, never."

"As you are so' easily pleased, here," and' she playfully gave him her empty hand, while in the other was concealed a cheque for a handsome sum. " How easily I could have taken you in!" she added, producing the cheque.

" But you have only succeeded in drawing ■me out," he said, declining to relinquish her hand. "Don't insult me with a cheque; I am most generously rewarded."

Perhaps she understood the doctor's difficulty .and wished to help him out of it; at any rate the giving of her hand led him to offer his heart.

This was how a gentleman got his wife when, in a tobacconist's shop, he asked a girl behind the counter, who happened to have red hair, if she would oblige him with a match.

"With pleasure, if you will have a redheaded one," she promptly replied, with such a suggestive, demure smile that eventually the red-headed match was handed over.

A lady with a fine figure, having taken a fancy to .a .valuable ring which she saw ticketed in a shop window, went inside to examine it. "It is exceedingly lovely; I wish it were mine," she said, on satisfying herself. "What smaller figure will tempt you T

"No other figure than the figure before me," he said, giving her an admiring look at the same time. "It is exceedingly lovely. I wish — I could tempi; you with the ring."

"I think I'll take it," she said, laying down the money amidst blushes. Of course he accepted the money; but getting her. address, he made such good use of the hint that the next ring which she got was given by him in church.

Quite as singular was the beginning of the courtship of the man who went into a shop for a pair of shoes.

"I want them wide, 1 please," he said to the girl in attendance, "as I have a good, broad understanding.",

She laughed at this reference to the breadth of his feet, and said :

" A very gooi thing, too, in a man, but not in a woman."

" How do you make out that what is good in one sex is bad in the other V

" Ah, it is quite simple. You see, Nature intended man to be supported by a firm soul, but woman by a yielding husband. Whether he made a yielding husband or not, report, at anyrate, says that he made her his wife.

A lady in a railway, train kept looking out of the window, with her head well forward, until she remembered that the gentleman opposite might possibly object. "Do I cut off the view?" she asked." " Merely of all I do not wish to see 1" he replied gallantly. The ice having been thus broken, they entered into conversation, found they were to get out at the same station and knew each other's friends. ' The rest was plain sailing into what somebody calls " the matrimonial haven."

" Are you married yet, Kitty," said a sailor, on meeting an old acquaintance after returning from a long voyage. " No ; that somebody has never come." "Ah, then, I have brought him, after a deal of bother," he said, throwing his arms around her ; and the matter was there and then settled.

This was ingenious enough, like the case of the theatrical manager who was brought to the point when he called to inform his leading actress that he had secured a play at last which was sure to have a long run. " What part have you reserved for me ?" she asked.

" You are to be a charming sweetheart, as you are." " Is there a wife in the piece 1" " There is."

" Then I have done charming sweethearts till I am tired. I must be a wife in the long run." — And she was. — N. Y. News.