LEGAL ANECDOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 181, 6 August 1886, Page 34

LEGAL ANECDOTES.

Wise. Witty, and Pungent Sayings of

Bench and Bar.

The writer remembers hearing of a gentleman who, not wishing to pay the legal and recognised fee for a consultation with Ins lawyer, devised an expedient whereby lie expected to gain the information he required witHbut the usual cost. He accordingly invited the man " learned in law " to dine at his house on a particular evening, as a friend and old acquaintance. The lawyer gladly accepted the invitation, and attended at the house of his friend and client prompt to the minute. The conversation for some time was very general and agreeable, and by and by the shrewd client, by hinting and suggesting, at last drew the lawyer ont into a learned and explicit dissertation upon the subject the host wished to be informed upon. The client, pleased, satisfied, and smiling, chuckled in his sleeve, thinking how nicely he had wormed out the advice desired and pumped his lawyer free of cost. The feast over the lawyer departed, equally pleased, and, both being satisfied, all went as merry as a marriage bell. But a few days afterward the client received a letter from his lawyer informing him that the charge for professional consultation and and advice was IBs 4d, and would he" kindly attend to the payment of the same at his earliest convenience, and oblige." The client was wild — caught in his own trap ; but being determined to outwit the lawyer and gain his own ends, he forwarded to the latter a bill for " dinner, wines and accessories supplied" on the 16th inst., amounting to 13s J-d, saying that if he would settle the enclosed bill he should only be too pleased and happy to settle the lawyer's little bill. The lawyer retorted by threatening to commence an action against mine host for selling wines without a license unless his, the lawyer's bill was immediately paid. Do I need to say that the lawyer was victorious ?

When I was a boy I heard of a lawyer who was called up in the middle of a oold winter's night to draw up the will of an old farmer who lived some three miles away, and who was dying. The messenger had brought a cart to convey the lawyer to the farm, and the latter in due time arrived a,t his destination. When he entered the house he was immediately ushered into tlie sick room, and lie then requested to be supplied with pen, ink, and paper. There was none in the house ! The lawyer had nob brought any himself, and what was he to do ? Any lead pencil ? he inquired. No ; they had none. The farmer was sinking" fasL, though quite conscious. AL last ilie lesjnl gentleman saw chalked up, on the back of the bed-

room door, column upon column of figures in chalk. These were milk "scores," or "shots." He immediately asked for a piece of chalk, and then, kneeling on the floor, he wrote out concisely upon the smooth hearthstone the last will and testament of the dying man. The farmer subsequently died. The hearthstone will was sent to the principal registry in London with special affidavit, and was duly proved, the will being deposited in the archives of the registry. I may mention that the law does not state upon < what substance or with what instrument a will must be written.

There was once a plain outspoken judge, who, addressing the jury, said: "Gentlemen of the jury, in this case the counsel on both sides are unintelligible ; the witnesses on both sides are incredible, and the plaintiff and the defendant are both such bad characters that to me it is indifferent which way you give your verdict." It was once reported to the notorious Judge Jeffries that the Prince of Orange was on the point, of entering into the country and that he was already preparing a manifesto as to his inducements and objects in doing so.

" Pray, my Lord Chief Justice," said a gentleman present, " what do you think will be the heads of this manifesto?" "Mine will bo one," he grimly replied.

An undoubted alibi was some time ago successfully proved in an American court as follows :

" And you say you are innocent of the charge of stealing this rooster from Mr Jones ?" queried the judge.

" Yes, sir, I am innocent — as innocent as a child."

" You are confident you did not steal the rooster from Mr Jones i" " Yes, sir ; and I can prove it." " How can you prove it ?"

" I can prove that I didn't steal Mr Jones' rooster. Judge, because I stole two hens from Mr Graston the same night, and Jones lives five miles from Graston's."

" The proof is conclusive," said the judge, " discharge the prisoner."

It is said that the other day a client received the following bill from his lawyer : "Attending and asking you how you did, 6s 8d ; attending you on the pier* when you desired me to look through a piece of smoked glass, 6s 8d; looking through the same, Cs 8d ; rubbing my eye, which watered, 13s id ; attending at luncheon, when you .praised the sandwiches and asked me to partake thereof, Os 8d ; consulting and asking my opinion thereon, when i said they were very good, (5s Sd." Most probably the the client treated this as a joke, or perhaps it drove him to extremities.

" Gentlemen of the jury," said a counsel in a suit about a herd of hogs, " there were just thirty-six hogs in that drove ; please to remember that fact — thiry-six hogs ; just exactly three as many as there are in that jury-box, gentlemen." We are informed that the counsel did not win his case. The jury was not so pig-headed.

'• Gentlemen of the jury," said an Irish barrister, " it will be for you to say whether this defendant shall be allowed to come into court with unblushing footsteps, with the cloak of hypocrisy in his mouth, and draw three bullocks out of my client's pocket with immunity."

We have heard of several cases of female ingenuity in aiding the escape of prisoners. Here is one : The criminals were handcuffed, and with their escort were awaiting the train which would convey them to the county jail. Suddenly a woman rushed through the crowd of spactatora with a shower of tears and cried out : " Kiss me good-bye, Ned." The escort good-naturedly allowed the process of osculation to be performed, and the sheriff smiled feelingly. The woman passed a key from her own to the prisoner's mouth, with which he undid the " bracelets " and escaped while the train was in motion.

There is a girl who seems to have peculiar notions of breach-of-promise cases, for she threatens to sue her own father for breach of promise I She explains that the old gentleman first gave his consent to her marriage with her lover and then withdrew it, and that in consequence her beau got tired of waiting and has gone off with another girl. * " Prisoner at the bar," said the Judge to a man on his trial for murder, "is there anything you wish to say before sentence is passed upon you ? " " Judge," replied the prisoner, " there has been altogether too much said already. I know all along somebody would get hurt if these people didn't keep their mouths shut. It might as well be me, perhaps, as anybody else. Drive on, Judge, and give me as little sentiment as you can jet along on, I can stand hanging, but 1 hate gush." — Chambers' Journal.

— The steamship Great Eastern was recently taken from Milford Haven, where she had lain for twelve years, to Liverpool. Such masses of seaweed, mussols and other specimens of marine life clung to the hull that she was unable to steam faster than seven and one-half knots an hour.

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