FUN AND FANCY

Otago Witness, Issue 1795, 17 April 1886, Page 28

FUN AND FANCY

— Is there a word in Kir.di.sL 'which contains all the vowels ? — Unquestionably.

— Moses must have bwn o:n; of the fivst football players, ;ts he was found among tho rushes. — Youth may Ik; eou,;).;t j«! to a comma; manhood to ii semicolon: okt ago to a colon; to which death puLs a ponon.

— Old Salt: " They've dropped x.v anchor." Old lady; "R.'rve Vm ri^lit, luo; it.-, br.'ii h *>iging over the ;-ido all day '.'" — DBi3 II 11I 1 art; tho initial litters of Dim Kvi-; v Body Twice. Cft GDI V aro the initial litlern of Oill Hi'gularly Every Day, I'll Trust-.

— Whobvi be->t works are most trampled upon 5" — A shoemaker's, beeau-o good shots la-t longer than bad ones.

— A fool in high station i, like a man on the top of a monument — everybody appears small to him, and he appearn stnull to everybody.

— " Heads 1 win," as the .scalp-hunter oksei ved while, he hung the.r.i round his belt. '' Tails you lose," as the farmer s-.id lo hi-, yearling lambs. — Fearful Di-.houe--.ty. — " y ildiers niti.st be fearfully dishonest,* 7 days Mr.-, Partington, "as it .seems to be a nightly occurrence for a sentry to be relieved of his watch."

— Cool Request, — " Oh — cr — Jarvis, would you mind protending to pick a quarrel with me, and just giving me a piu.h, jou know? l want to tesh the pluck of this big dog of miii.i.' 1

— A gentleman of Cork ord» red lii -. man to call him up at six o'clock ; but, he nvsakeued him at four. B.'.ing asked the reason, he replied, " I came to tell you that you had two good hours, to sleep !'' — <% Your conduct surprises, me !" oxclaiuied the good old farimv, when he cnuuht a neighbour's boy robbing his apj>lo orchard. •' No more than your appesiinnee Mur|>ri.->es me," replied the youth, as he hlrippid away. — Excited Coloured Ln^ie., in < 'horus : ''I wants yer to keep jer promise aud marry me." Coloured Lothario : " G'way, niggahs," don't make hcli scan'alous preper^itions to a married man who has got two wives already. Does bofe you fools wanter get 'rested for bigotry ?" — A young lady recently returned from board-ing-school, being asked at table it she would take some more e.ibbnj:t3, replied : "By no means, madam; gastronomical satiety adinoaish"s rue that I have arrived at the ultimatum of culi'iary deglutition consistent with tho code of ili-icu-1 a pi us."

— A little girl went timidly into a she p the other day and asked tliir-hopi-ian how many t-hoe-stvings s-he would g?l for a penny. " How long do you want them V" he asked. " I w.uifc them to keep," was the answer, in a tone of slight, surprise.

— "Brother Charlie is going away, and T foci that we should give, liiiii a liitlo keep-.a'to." " Mo •ye should, my dear.'' " How would n nice silk umbrella do ?" " Vir-,t-rate: but don't give it to him outright." " Why not?" " Just lend it to him. He'll keep it long.'i-. 1 '

— A doctor, on calling upon a gentleman who had been sony; ti:m: ailnig, put a foo into the patient's hand, and took Die nvilieiii'i hiui.'-elf which he had prepared for the bick man ; hu was not made seiihiMe, of his error till he found him -elf getting ill and the patient "citing better.

— A North Carolina woman, iust dead, i.-, said to have been 130 years old. JLVr-ons knowing t.he habits of women in telling their age*, estimate thiifc this North Carolina woman must have been at least 750.