" Very like a whale."

Otago Witness, Issue 1651, 14 July 1883, Page 18

" Very like a whale."

• I say Civis, — Have you seen Monday't Times ? It says that excellent music was discoursed from seats placed within the jaws of the Prince of W(h)ales. This may add to the attractiveness of Cap. Barry's monster show, but I don't like it myself. It reminds me of the time when I used to go courting my Mary Ann. My mother-in-law hadn't the facilities for courting (parlour and piano) she has since provided for Mary Ann's younger sisters, and so we had to do it in the kitchen. There was one particular piece of furniture, l used to like very much, and so did Mary • Ann (she always liked the same things I did then), viz., the old arm chair. It was old, and loose in the joints, and it couldn't sing very well, but it would lift up its wheezy, asthmatical old voice at the most inopportune times, especially on Sunday evenings, after the family had retired. The mental agony it caused me at those times was dreadful. I hear that the Captain has invited a number of gentlemen (I am out of it) to a banquet in the whale's mouth. I hope they won t have too much jaw or look down in the mouth. If they can do it comfortably, the whale's jaw must be equal to the Captain's cheek. Have you heard that ho was offered the chair of English and Anatomy at the University ? I suppose not. There is not an atom of truth in the rumour. So long. This writer appears to be a punster, and slightly impolite at that. I don't altogether approve of him. The other adopts a style that shows some self respect :

Our old friend Captain Barry has gone into the " show business." Captain Barry's skeleton — or rather Captain Barry 'b whale's skeleton, for his own is as yet "in the flesh," strange as the fact may seem, is really an object of some interest. That four-footed beast which we now call a whalt, Held its hind lejja so close that they grew to a tail, Which it uses tor thrashing the st* like a flail, Which nobody can deny. The Captain may not be strong on evolution, and moreover the process here described may not exactly accord with what Professor Parker would tell us about the history of this leviathan, yet with this verse for a text, I!ve no doubt he coald make a most interesting lecture, I present him with the hint — gratis. In the olden time of morality plays (or was it earlier still in the miracles ?) a whale's jaw was used as a symbol of well, Hades ! Did the careless .fesisters who dined within the whale's capacious mouth know where they were going when they accepted the kind invitation ? However they, unlike Balder, got back in safety, reminding one of the old Scotch lady who, I travelling in a Sunday train, was severely reprimanded by her minister on the station platform. He finished hia scolding with the remark, "You're not going to so-and-so. You're going to hell !" "Well, well," was the reply as the train began to move, "it's all right, Tve got a return ticket." I have some excellent jokes of my own on the subject of this whale, but I haven't thought of them yet. Meantime my correspondents can fire away. Crvis.

The Presbyterian Church at Clinton is to be opened on Sunday next. Owing to the Rev. Dr Stuart's recent bereavement, he cannot, as was at first arranged, conduct the opening services. The Rev. A. H. Stobo will therefore officiate in the morning and evening in the doctor's stead. The Rev. Mr Spence is pastor of the church.

The Union Steam Ship Company have chartered a large steamer which will bring a cargo of teas from Hongkong. She is expected to arrive at Port Chalmers in a few weeks' time (says the Press), and when her inward freight has been discharged, the remains of something like 300 Chinamen who have died in the Colony will be put on board her by their .relations, and she will return to China.

A barrel of petroleum from the Southern Cross mine has been placed on board the lonic, to be transmitted to a mercantile firm in Liverpool.

The Press reports the steamship lonic passed Lyttelton Heads at 6 p.m. on Tuesday, bound for London. She calls at Rio Janeiro, and expectß to go thence direct to Plymouth. One

hundred and thirteen passengers, equal t« 974statute adults, went by her, and the steam tug Lyttelton was crowded with friends who went down the harbour to see her off. The steamer carries 99 of a crew, and left with 1400 tons of coal in her bunkers. Her cargo was equal to 4500 tons measurement, and the circumstance is significant that she was not large eriough to take all the freight the New Zealand Shipping Company were asked to find room for. She was exactly seven working days loading and discharging iron at this port, which may be considered fairly quick despatch. The magnificent Cunard steamship Catalonia is to follow the lonic, if possible this month. Mr J. B. Whyte, of Waikato, has riran notice, to move, when the House is in Committee of Supply — ''That an address be presented to the Governor, asking for a sum of money to be placed on tho Estimates for the purpose of prosecuting Mr G. W. Rusden for his libellous remarks against Mr Bryce," There appears to be considerable feeling, amongst the . railway workmen in Bruce elec-. torate. - At the general election they were allowed to leave their work to vote without any deduction from their pay being made, but on the occasion of last election notice was given them that they would be allowed leave, but - they would lose their time. The men feel - this as a hardship. Mr W. H. Palmer, second clerk in the Dunedin Resident Magistrate's Court office, has been promoted to the clerkship at Gore. Mr Palmer entered the service about five years ajjo as assistant, and on the transfer of Mr Simpson to the City Police Court he succeeded that gentleman to the position which he at present holds. During that time he has discharged his duties in a manner which has obtained the encomiums of his superiors, as well as with satisfaction and courtesy to those with whom he has had business. He retires from his present office at the end of this week to enter one a step higher,.and he will leave Dunedin with the good wishes of his companions. His successor has^ not yet been appointed. „ . The Clutha County Cbnncil announce that road works amounting to £15 000 will be open for tender during the month of August. Mr George Brett, Gordon, offers his stcre for sale by pavate t'eaty. The Waikouaiti Conntv Council invite" tenders 'for' works in the Blueskin riding of the County. The preliminary notice of the sale of "The Levels H Btmd flock of Australian merino rama at Dry Creek, t'outh Australia, appears in this issue. Mr George Matthews has early seed potatoes for sale. The Education Board invite applications for vacancies in the Moeraki, Dunback, Watkoikoi, Fairfax, and Albany street schools. • Messrs Donald Beid and Co. will hold a clearing sale of horses, cows, sheep, farming implements, &c at Holm Farm, Pukerau, on the 20th int. The third annual match of the Waimea Plains Ploughing Match Association is to be held at Riversdale on Friday, 20th inst. The prizes offered at* advertised In this issue. Mr John Hamilton is secretary and treasurer. Messrs Carswell, White, and Co. will hold a diaplen. lshinK sale at Benmore Station on the 19th inst.- The proprietors intend to do all their station work by contract in future, 89 that the whole of the plant is to be offered in addition to the Btock. Mr J. J. Pryor publishes his price list for the'forthcoming reason in; this issue. A novelty in hedge plants is offered in the shape of African box-thorn, which is being ho favourably received in Australia at the present time. The Geelong Hotel, Alexandra, is offered for sale.', The Dunedin Iron and Woodware Company (late Guthtie and Larnach) have agricultural and dairy implements for sale. The address of John Ogilvie !s required by Messrs Black and Wilson, solicitors, Kirriemuir. Mr J. Langmuir invitee tenders for the leasing o his farm at Evunsdale. The British and New Zealand Mortgage and Agency Company announce that they have made special arrangements for the storage and sale of frozen mtat in the London market. The Company have one of Gtfford'a patent dry air refrigerators for sale, besides agricultural machinery, seedß, • station stores, &c. Messrs Donald Reid and Co. will sell a consignment of stoneware sewage and drain pipes, at Dunedin oa the 14th instant. Mr Alfred Heaven, Waianiwa, Southland, has ferrets for sale. Mr John H. Every, of Anderson's Bay, Dunedin. who has made a reputation for himself as a breeder of dark Brahma fowls, has a number of cockerels for sale, and is booking orders for eggs for the forthcom-ing-season.