Editor's Wallet.

Otago Witness, Issue 1597, 1 July 1882, Page 28

Editor's Wallet.

Gout Hark to the plaintive note Sung by a suffering one, Telling a tale of gout ; Twinges once more begun, Tuned in quick changing tones, Timed to a cushioned toe, When it is restive— groans. Joy, when the sharp pangs go. Gout, that no skill can cure ; Gout, that has rests but few : That is a pleasure puro ; That is a friend that's true. Rendering ill for good, Never to be cajoled. Though you eat homely food ; Dressing with water cold. Though you refuse all wine ; Though you give up cigars— Everything resignStill all your life it mars. Gout, that will aye endure ; Gout, that knows no alloy ;, That is a pleasure puro, That is untarnished joy.

Mawirua, June Ist.

The Wise and Thrifty Alligator. The alligator is a lazy dog, and instead of hunting for something to eat he lets his victuals hunt for him. That is, be lies with his moulh open, apparently dead, like the 'possum. Soon a bug crawls into it, then several gnats and a colony of mosquitoes. The alligator don't close his mouth yet. He is waiting for a whole drove of things. He does his eating by wholesale A little later a lizard will cool himself under the shade of the upper jaw. Then a few frogs will hop up to catch the mosquitoes. Then more mosquitoes and gnats light on the frogs Finally a whole village of insects and reptiies settle down forim afternoon picnic. Then all at once there is an earthquake. The big jaw falls, the alligator slyly blinks one eye, gulps down the menagerie, and opens his great front door again for more visitors.

The Victim of Charity.

It was at a church fair, and he had como there at the special request of his ' cousin, who was at the head of the flower-table. He opened the door, bashfully, and stood, hat in hand, looking at the brilliant scene before him, when a young lady rushed up, and, grabbing him by the arm, said : 1 Oh I you must, you will take a chance m our cake. Come over here. This way.' Blushing to the roots of Ha hair, ac stam-

mered out that ho 'Really didn't nave vie pleasure of knowing " 'Oh! that's all right,' said the young lady. ' You'll know me better before yon leave. 1 m one of the managers, you understand. Oome the cake will all be taken if you don't hurry.' And she almost dragged him over to one of the middle tables. ' There, now-only fifty centa a slice, and you may get a gold ring. You had better take three or four slices ; it will increase your chances, you know. B&SS • You're very good, he stammered. But I'm not fond of cake ; that is, I haven't any use for the ring— l ' , 'Ah, that will be ever so nice,' said the young lady, ' for now if you get the ring you can give it back and we'll put it in another cake.' . , ... ' Ye-e-s,' said the young man, with a sickly smile. 'To be sure, but ' 'Oh, thoroisn'tany "but" aboutit,' said the young lady, smiling sweetly. ' You know you promised ?' 'Promised?' 'Well, no, not exactly that; but you will take just one slice 1' and she looked her whole soul into his eyes. ' Well, I suppose ' ' 'To be sure. There is your cake,' and she ' slipped a great slice into his delicately-gloved hands, as he handed her a §1 bill. ' Oh, that is too nice,' added the young lady, as she plastered another piece of cake on top of the one she had just given him. ' I knew you would take at least two chances," and his $1 bill disappeared across the table ; and then she called to a companion : ' Oh, Mis 3 Larkins, here is a gentleman who wishes to have his fortune told.' , , 'Oh, does he? Send him to me then*' answered Miss Larkins. ' I beg your pardon, but I'm afraid you re mistaken. I don't remember saying anything about—' , , ' Oh, but you will,' said the first young lady, tugging at the youth's arm. ' It's for the good of the cause, and you won't refuse, and once more the beautiful eyes looked soulfully into his. ' Here we are. Now take an envelope ; open it. There ! you are going to be married in a year. Isn't that jolly ? Seventy-five cents, please.' This time the youth was careful to hand out the exact change. ' Oh, I should just like to have my fortune told. May I V said the first young lady. ' Of course you may, my dear,' said Miss Larkins, handing out one of he envelopes. ' Oh, dear, you are going to be married this year, too. Seventy-five cents more, please,' and the poor youth came down with another dollar note. 'No change here, you know,' added Miss Larkins, putting the greenback in her pocket. * , ' Oh, come, let's try our weight, said the first young lady, once more tugging at the bashful youth's coat sleeve, and before he knew where he was he found himself standing on the platform of the scales. 'One hundred and thirty-two,' said the young lady. ' Oh, how I would like to be a great heavy man, like you, and she jumped on the scales like a bird. One hundred and eighteen. Well, that is light. One dollar please.' ' What !' said the youth, * One dollar 1 Isn't that pretty steep ? I mean, I ' ' Oh, bxit you know,' said the young lady, ' it is for charity,' and another dollar was added to the treasury of the fan*. ' I think I'll have to go. I have an engagement at ' ' Oh, but you must first buy me a bouquet for taking you all round,' said the young lady. ' Over here,' and they were soon in front of the flower-table. * Here is just what I want, said the young lady picking up a basket of roses and violets. ' Seven dollars, please.' 'Oh, Jack, is that you?' cried the poor youth's ' cousin ' from behind the fiower-coun-ter, ' and buying flowers for Miss Giggle, too. Oh, I shall be terribly jealous unless you buy me a basket, too,' and she picked up an elaborate affair. ' Twelve dollars, please, Jack,' and the youth put down the money, looking terribly confused, and much as though he didn't know whether to make a bolt for the door or give up all hope and settle down in despair. 'You'll excuse me, ladies,' he stammered, ' but I must go. I have ' ' Here, let me pin this m your buttonhole, interrupted his 'cousin.' 'Fifty cents please,' and then the youth .broke away and made a straight line for the door, ' Well, if I ever visit another fair, may I be __be d 1' he ejaculated, as he counted over his cash to see if he had the car fare to ride home.— Brooklyn Eagle. BUI and the Fin. How dear to my heart is the school I attended, And how I remember, so distant and dim, That red-headed Bill, and the pin that I bended, And carefully put on the bench under him ; And how I recall tho surprise of the master, When Bill gave a yell, and sprang up with tho pin So high that his bullet-head busted the plaster Above, and the scholars all set up a giln— That active boy Billy— that high-leaping Billy— That loud-shouting Billy that sat on the pin. Why She Doesn't Count the Years. In the green room of a Parisian theatre the conversation turned upon the delicate subject of age. Presently a gentleman visitor ventured upon the indiscreet inquiry : ' Now, what age are you, my dear friend?' addressing his remark to Mdle. X., who certainly could no longer be considered in her first youth. ' What a question, indeed,' said the lady ; ' how can that possibly interest you ?' ' Simply curiosity,' responded the visitor. 'Well, then, I will be frank with you. Really I do not know. One counts one's money, one's jewels, and one's deeds of value, because it may happen that they could be lost or stolen, but as I am absolutely certain that nobody will take a year from my age, and that I shall never lose one, why where is the need of } counting. — London Era. Man and His Shoes, How much a man is like old shoes ! For instance, both a soul may lose ; Both have been tanned, both are made tight By cobblers. Both get left and right, Both need a mate to be complete, And both are made to go on feet. They both need healing ; oft are sold, And both in turn all turn to mould. With shoes the last is first ; with men The first shall be last, and whoa The shoes wear out they're mended new ; When men wear out they're men dead, too. They both are trod upon, and both Will tread upon others, nothing loth, Both have their ties and both incline When polished, in the world to shine, And both peg out— aod would you choose To be a man or be his shoes ? —New Orleans Picayune. Cooling and Refreshing are the effects of Rotv i lanh' Kiiydor on the faca, hands, and arms of ladies and all exposed to the scorching iayß of tho sun and he-itod particles of duit ; it eradicates fall freckles, ia-i. sunburn, stings of insect*, &c , and produoea a b 'auliful and delicate complexion, Rowlands' Macas-8-r O'l irevontu the hair falling oflf, <.r becoming flry during h'.t weather, and renders it beautifu ly 8 >rt pliable, and glossy. Rowlands 1 Odonto is the piueßt huh;, liagiaut, and non-gritty tfoth ponder eve made it whitens the teetb, prevents decay, an I givei a tlaKßing fragrance 10 the breath. Ask any dealer iv perfumery f«r Kowlauds' articles, of 20 Hatton Garden, London, ftad avoid spurious, worthleiß imitations.—Wholeiale Agents Kempthorne, Proßser, and do. Dunedin AMklwrt, lad Oftrlatcbwoh