A Night with a Burglar.

Otago Witness, Issue 1588, 29 April 1882, Page 28

A Night with a Burglar.

Of late Several burglaries have been committed' in the neighbourhood in which Mr James Simpson lives, and, of oourse, the folks are not a little alarmed. In Simpson's 1 row alone enough firearms and ammunition have been collected to conduct a very fair si^ed war with Mexico, and Simpson, .particularly, has bought a whole armoury of weapons and loaded them to the muzzle. Simpson's brother-in-law, George Washington Budd, commonly known as ' Wash,' lives with him,' and for weeks past Wash, upon going to bed, has made such a preparation and display of various kinds of engines of destruction that a looker on might have concluded that his purpose was to conduct a kind of battle of Gettysburgh 'on his own responsibility. ' ' The other night Wash, after recapping' all his revolvers, running his 'thumb along the edge of his broad-sword, half-cocking his gun, and laying his bowie-knife on .the chair, thought he heard a burglar prowling about' down stairs. Buckling on his artillery, Wash, in his stocking feet, crept down the back staircase, determined to annihilate the thief. ' ' ■ - Simpson heard the noise at the same moment". They stopped and listened. Waali thought he heard the burglar in the parlour. Simpson, felt sure tho rascal was in the dining-oroomi pocketing the spoons. • So while Wash trod noiselessly frontward, Simpson stepped stealthily to the reat. Midway in the hall they came into collision. Each felt perfectly certain that the bther was the burglar. Wash grappled with his antagonist instantly, bimpson knew that a death-struggle had begun, so he took hold with all ' nis might. "Neither had a chance to draw their weapons. Wash strove to throw the burglar down, 'and Simpson, perceiving the game, jmade a huge effort to prostrate Wash, They pushed and pulled, and jerked, and shoved, and panted,, bumping up against the wall, and making such a hubbub that Mrs Simpson, in '•er roonij aaidi afraid to come out, lifted up ' her voices aaidi screamed with awful vehemence. After a fearful and desperate struggleydurwig which Wash had his coat torn to rags, and a couple of handsful of hair pulled out, and Simpson had his nose jammed against a chair until it felt ?ts if it had swelled to the size of a watermelon, Wash let 'go a moment to get his breath. Thereupon Simpson made a run tactile front stairs quietly, in the dark, and Wash*, pretty well scared and tired of war, dashed! off? up tho back stairs,' resolved to go and see- why Simpson didn't come down and help toiwipes the burglar out. As Simpson got to the landing- he saw Wash's form by the dim light frossbthe back: room in the entry. ' Who's that !' shouted Simpson, nervously/ feeling; foi" his revolver. • « Me— Wash,' replied the brother-in-law., Simpson went up to him and said : ' Thunder and lightning, Wash, why didn'fc you come down sooner ?' 'Sooner! Why, whore haye yam been? I've had the most awful thxu> you ever heard of.' ' So've I,' replied Simpson. "There's a burglar in the house, and I've tbeen tearing him to pieces.' J ' You don't say so,? Why, my gracwxns, Pvq had a fight with one>, too, and I tMnk I laiu\ him out.' •YoudW! Where?' 'Winy, down stairs* there, in the front I oifttry.' | ' Not in the ento,, you don't mean ?' ' Yes,' sajcl 'W'afeh, 'in tho entry ; nearly .banged th& head off of him. Where was yew ! man. ?' ! ' Why, in the entry, too. Queer I di<3 not, I hear you.' ' It is queer,' replied Wash, ' because I hammered his nose against a chair until i&must besmashed flat.' ' Whose nose ?' ' The burglar's ; and he tore my coat, to rags,, and pretty nearly scalped mo.' 'Who did?' 1 The burglar.' Simpson was silent a moment, and, then ho^ said : ' ' Come here to thelight.' They- entered the bathroom, and. Wash-

looked at Simpson, and Simpson looked at Wash, "Wash? 1

•What?' * Wash, you ,are one of the biggest idiots m the State. Hang me if I «Wfc believe you have been fighting with me! 1 Look at my inose?' ' .i : > "< > < ' 'No 3 you don't i say go s Did, you pull your burglar's- hair and splinter ap his coat? • -

* I'm afraid I did,' said Simpson. * Mr Simpson,' said Wash, calmJy, 'if there is a bigger ass on the continent than I am I think lean lay my hand oft the man— a party by tlie name of Jim Simpson. 1 * Save me, Jamoa 1 oh, ■ save me, Washington, save me ! Don't let' me be murdered ! Don't ! don't ! ' oh, don't V cried Mrs Simpeon. Simpson looked sheepishly at Walsh ; then, without saying a word, he seized Mrs Simpson by the arm,' ran her over to the bedroom, and slammed the door. Then George Washington Budd went up stairs, "disgorging his . murderous apparatus, locked his bowie-knife in his trunk, and went to bed. •' > Both combatants swore secrecy ; but bimp son couldn't help telling his wife, and she spread it, of course, so here it is.— Max Adeler.