An Apt Retort.

Otago Witness, Issue 1586, 15 April 1882, Page 28

An Apt Retort.

Lord Ersklne declared in alarge party, in whicli Lady E. and Mr Sheridan were present, that ' a wife was only a tin canister tied to one's tail,' upon which Sheridan presented Lady Erskine with these lines ; — Lord Erskine, at woman presuming to rail, Call's a wife ' a tin canister tied to one's tail ,' And fair Lady Anne, while the subject hs carries on, Seems hurt at his lordship's degrading comparison. But wherefore degrading ? Considered aright, A canister's polished, and useful and bright ; And should dirt it's original purity hide, That's tho fault of the puppy to which it is tied.

Some New Geography : For People who have not Cut their Eyo-teoth. 'Of what is the surface of the earth composed ?'— ' Of corner lots, mighty poor roads, railroad tracks, base-ball grounds, crickot fields, and skating rinks/ 'What portion of the globe is water?'— ' About three-fourths. Sometimes they add a little gin and nutmeg to it.' 'What is a town?— 'A town is a consider able collection of houses and inhabitants, with four or five men who " run the party" and lend money at 15 por cent, interest.' ' What is a city ?'— ' A city is an incorporated town, with a Mayor who believes that the whole world shakos when he happens to fall flat on a cross-walk.' ' What l-j commerce?' -'Borrowing Rvo dollars for a divy or two, and dodging the lender I ! or a year or lav<V 'Name the different raws/—' Horse race,

boat race, bicycle race, and racing around to find a man to indorse your note.' 4 Into how many classes is mankind divided ?' — 'Six; being enlightened, civilized, halfcivilized, savage, too utter, not-worth-a-cent, and Indian agents.' •What nations are called enlightened?'— 'Those which have had the most wars, the worst laws, and produced the worst criminals.' 'How many motions has the earth?'— • That's according to how you mix your drinks, and which way you go home. 1 ' What is the earth's axis ? '— ' The lines passing between New York and Chicago.' •What causes day and night?'— Day is caused by night getting tirea out, night is caused by everybody taking the street-car and going home to suppor,' • What is a map ? '— ' A map is a drawing to show the jury where Smith stood when Jones gave him a lift under the eye.' 'What is a mariner's compass?'— A jug holding four gallons.'— Detroit Free Press.

A Masculine Woman.

A remarkable case of conspiracy, involving charges of forging the signatures of her Majesty, the Prince of Wales, several noblemen, and the Lord Chief Justice, has been investigated at Birmingham. The parties , charged are Mary Jane Fearneaux and James Gething, a Birmingham engineer ; and the charges are with obtaining by fraud £2000 from Ed. Benyon, of Selley Oak, near Bir- ' mingham,and for, obtaining in the same way £3000 from Mr Screen, The Brades, Oldbury ; but there are several other charges to be brought forward. The male prisoner alleges that no is the dupefof the female prisoner, and fcthat she has ruined him and nearly all his The woman, who is the niece of a most distinguished provincial physician, took lodgings at the house of Mrs Drew, of Aston, Birmingham, about seven years since ; and after staying a short time stated, as " a secret which must not be divulged," that she was Lord Arthur Pelham Clmton, who had only feigned to have died, and for whom a warrant was out, but for whom Her Majesty was about to grant a free pardon, and restore valuable estates which the Crown had confiscated. She graphically describes how, as she alleged, the coffin of Lord Pelham was filled with stones and buried whilst the lawyers and doctors were bribed not to inform that the "corpse "had walked away. Mrs Drew, believing in promises that she would be handsomely repaid, did not trouble about her rent ; but, on the contrary, willingly, advanced money from time to time to the young "nobleman ; and besides this, introduced ,"his lordship" to several of her relations, who were eagerly anxious to lend money on the same favourable termß. Mrs Drew and her sister, Mrs Ward, state that they introduced the woman to the male prisoner, who is their .brother, and that he introduced her to Mr Benyon, from whom she obtained £2000, and to Mr Screen, from whom she obtained £3000 by various instalments from £20 to £1000, giving as "securities" what purported to be valuable deeds and letters from Lord Coleridge, whom she represented as her trustee. During the time that she was borrowing the money she frequently, or nearly always, dressed as a man *'in the height of fashion," with gaiters, lavender kid gloves, and walking-stick. In • this, costume she gained the affection of two young ladies, one of whom became so deranged on discovering the fraud that she had to be placed in an asylum, where she is still confined. When arrested, the woman was living '• with her mother at Gregson street, Liverpool, and dressed in feminine attire. She is of very slender build, and of extremely masculine appearance. When in the dock she might easily ,have been mistaken for a man, wearing, as she did, a Newmarket overcoat, and her hair being cut quite short. There is no doubt but that the woman has been assisted by some .clever Sersons in her remarkable frauds. Some of the upeß have, at the woman's request, posted at different post-offices letters to Lord Coleridge, and letters purporting to come from his lordship have been received in reply. In the same way have letters been sent to and received from her Majesty the Queen and various other illustrious persons. The Prince of Wales she stated to be her most intimate friend, and in the two thousand and more letters and documents in the possession of the police the name of his Royal Highness is of frequent occurrence. A strange feature in the case is that when unable to obtain further loans, the woman took a situation as governess at Casemere Farm, Preston, Bissett, near Birmingham, but was given notice to leave under the belief that she was a man. She afterwards took a situation as attendant at Prestwich Asylum, Manchester, but did not remain long. Her latest freak was to write to some of her 'dupes in Binning ham, stating that she had married a young lady in Liverpool. The reason she first gave for going to Liverpool was that it was at the request of some Cabinet Ministers, who did not wish her to be in London or Birmingham while they were preparing Her Majesty's pardon and the restoration of the confiscated estates.