Fun and Fancy.

Otago Witness, Issue 1584, 1 April 1882, Page 24

Fun and Fancy.

A baby in Ohio that was fed on elephant's milk gained twenty pounds in one week. It was the baby elephant. ' Bill, spell cat, rat, hat, with only one letter for each word.' 'It can't be done.' ' Can't, eh ! Just look here— c 80 cat, r 80 rat, h 80 hat.' ' I have divided my subject,' began the parson, 'into two heads.' "Two heads with but a single thought,' whispered Fogg to Mrs F., and then he closed his eyes forms usual nap. ' Hope for bald heads !' angrily exclaims the editor of the Jersey City Journal, after reading the heading of a newspaper advertisement. ' Hope is not what we want. We need hair.' Toots think that there should be four ghosts in the play of Hamlet, quoting in support of his theory a line from Gray's Elegy. 'The rude four fathers of the Hamlet sleep.'—Cincinnati Saturday Night. The next man who gets out a dictiouary should nat.neglect to put in a few words that will rhyme with October. The dictionaries now in the market are very deficient in this respect. ' Knocked ober ' is about the best the poet can do at present. 'Twlxt the old-fashioned rushlight And the new-fashioned Brush-light, The difference is migrhty indeed ; But yet there is one light— The God-tfiveu sunlight, That iscionce can ne'er supersede. —Lowell Courier.

A sign of talent: 'What are you going to make out of your boy Bill V asked one Austin parent of another. ' I think Bill will be a great sculptor,' was the reply. 'Has he any talent that way?' 'I should say so. He chisels all the other boys out of their marbles.' A lecturer was once in a dilemma which he will probably never forget. While talking about art, he ventured the assertion : ' Art can never improve nature.' And at that moment someone in tho audience cried out in a gruff voice: 'Can't he? Well, then, how do you think you would look without your wig ?' — Exchange. ' On, Mrs Eamsbotham, exclaimed a learned professor, .to whom that excellent lady had been relating one of her most extraordinary adventures. ' Oh, Mrs Ttamsbothaui, you must be joking !' ' Indeed I'm not, Professor,' she returned. ' I assure you, I was speaking quite seriatim.' She liked to talk Latin to a professor. —Punch. 'You would hear, I dare say,' said Mr M'Lacmon, ' what happened to our brother from the Sound when he was preaching at Kilmore? You know he is ferry fond of preaching extampore, and whon he went into tho vestry, he said to the olders, ' I really do not know what to preach apout,' says he. 'Do you not know,' says Tuncan M'Tavish, one of the elders, 'what to preach apout?' 'JN r o, I do not, really.' 'Well, then,' says Tuncan ' felmst preach a.bout five minutes, it ill be quite, enough,'