Fun.

Otago Witness, Issue 1461, 15 November 1879, Page 20

Fun.

SAKE, AND SACKS, AND BAGS. " The pass-word is <l Saxe'— now don't forget it, Pat," said the Colonel just, before the battle of Fentenoy, at which Saze was marshall. "Sacks! Faith and I will nofe- Wasn't my father a miller?" „>... " Who goes there ?" cried the sentinel, after the Irishman had arrived at his post. Pat was as wise as an owl, and, in a sort of whispered yell, replied, " Bags, yer honour f* r•' ■ - AND SEEK THE KEPOSE WHICH A CABIN GRANTS; It 'is all wrong to let your church-choir go off singing in the opera of " Pinafore" 'betweeit Sundays. A dreadful thiDg recently happened, on that account, at a California funeralJ .:The> pastor, a tall, white-haired man, 'much resembling an admiral, arose in the'pulpit, and\had,no sooner finished, in a sing-song tone; tuei f ramark-: „ .**"■! ' 4 -- (- ', We miss his presence' in bis usual haunti, than the choir sprang to its feet,' and shouted, in return : > '*<*■",' And so do his sisters, and his cousins, and hi* ' aunle ! " *" " * ..*••« ' • v; r/j ! • : pa's step. > • , - " You make me think," Will said, dropping upon the sofa beside his girl, "of ;a bank whereon the wild thyme grows." „. - . "Do I?" she murmured, "it is nice* but that is pa's step in the hall, and unless, you,, can. drop out of the, front 'window "before,' l get through, speaking you will, have a little ''wilct time' with him, my own/for he loveSryou. apt 1 * But William didn't quite make it, 'and now you can make Him (grow wild time' and' time again by simply asking l him what makes him go lame when he walks. <He knows, but he'»« liar. • . . ','». j (} A PROPHESY r KULPILLEbi; J Mrs iPartington says 'that just before' thelate) war, circumstances were Been round the moon nightly, shooting stars perambulated the earth, the desk of the sun was covered with blaokspotc of ink, and comics swept tha horizon with their operatic tales. -Everybody said that it profligatedwar,! and snre enough war did come., ■' .\ , , - ' Seas i'de 'aplpetitkj.' '']'• '\ ', Landlady (who haß just pieg : ent<3d her weekly bill)— ",l'ope, ma'am, las you .'find fche'i)raein|j hair, agree ,witE you, ma'am; ; and' your', 1 good gentleman,. ma'am ?" : ■ ■• '-''' i>-'<-' < »* ' Lady,:' 1 " Ohi, yes, our 'appetites- are •wonderfully improved l-Foruutaude, at home w&onljr ' eat tWo loaves a day, landil find vfrom^your acconnt that here we.can inanage^eight J'V^Landlady;feeleuncomfortable): ;,, Jr ■ V ;\>/\;..!.i - \i'' AUTISTIC INCIDENT. 1 "^ ''!'■ «-"- •' , Tbey.hadqoi^ an . excitement at tho Delaware Water Gap the other day. It seems that an artist who Was Out in the woods' tratftf erring nature to ; canvass fell", asleep, ' and -white : Im enbred'a cow came' along' "and licked -up tk» 'scene as well as the paint on < the palette. vThis bo enraged the artiat that he t kicked the ■cow, and the cow returneiL the .complimsnt ,\Tha artist is' -now ■ travelling , on , crutches, , ,and 3T : babies are. rick from drinking milk 'mixed 3itb all sorts of paints, '/f " \\ i : ..^ i t '^ r \ .'J,^ -" '- o '' l '' 'conscientious: ".'■" i- -;;• Sir !Edwin' Landßeer u^ed to tell a capital story of a abgJißtealer of his acquaintance^' wia once restored to a friend of Sir Edwin ;avralaable'epaniel two weeks after, the .time agreed. ' upon when , the - matter was negotiated.:, Sir ;Edwin upbraided the. man for- his delay, -and the Utter, finally, said,., )* Well, the ,fa;uth is, Sir Edwin, you see I had to steal him back from, an old lady to : whom I hud sold him for twenty guineas.' She. never higgled about" the 'pries* 'and 'she was so fond of the dog, I didn't think it would be Christian not to 'let her haves' fendays 1 pleasure of him." ':<",. !n CONSIDERATE. ' , _ Paterfamilias (to . his eldest son, who, ia afc Bartholomew's) : " George these are uncommonly good cigar*. I can't afford to smok* such' expensive cigars as these."" "~ *-•.-- George (grandly) : " Fill your case — fill joor case, gov'nor !" ONE OR THE OTHER. At a legal investigation of a liquor seisure, the judge asked an unwilling witness : " ' ' ' " What was in the barrel that you had P* The reply was : " Well, yer honor, it was marked ' whiihkey^ on one end of the barrel, and ' Pat Duffy' on that other end, so that I can't Bay whether if; was whishkey or Pat Daffy was in the barrel, beusjg as I am on my oath." A LITTLE SPY. Elder sister to little one, who appears to take great interest injMr Skibbens : c ' Come, little pat, it is time your eyes were shut in sleep " Little pet : " I think not. Mother told me to keep my eyes open when you and Mr Skibbens were together." A SET- OFF. A bootblack, having taken a situation in a, store to sweep out and ran errands, was questioned by some former associates whether ha felt as good as when in business for himself. " Well, 'tis hard to be bossed around," wss the reply ; " but I' put it off on the dustman.** woman's rights. The Oswego Record sums up the conclusion: of a woman's rights convention in the following; couplet : The nddtst sight w« ever etw Witß]ihe w. mtn who lived for the sake of her Jmt. AT SCHOOL. " And how does Charlie like going to school ?* kindly inquired the good man of the little six-year-old boy, who was waiting, with a tin ctnin his band, the advent of another dog. "I like goin' well 'nough," replied th« embryo statesman, ingenuously, " but I don't lik« btaytn' arter I git there." THE HONEYMOON. Tha young husband, going across fromDoTer to Boulogne, is suddenly taken strange. "Are you ill, love?" exclaimed the anxious, model wife. "Oh! say, Alfred, beloved,, aw* you ill?" - He was afraid of being doubted, and faiatly r«p)ied : " I think the shrimps I had for breakfast Qua morning must have been alive." THB .JIAETTK. *' Why do you look so glum and cross, William, whenever I aek yon to go out with m« ta any party or theatre ?" inquired Isabella. •* My love,"^ said William, "there would ba no merit in going were I not making an awfol sacrifice of my own feelings. Permit me tits pleasure of showing that I go only to please, my dear." SODS AND FURLONGS. A witty little Aberdeen boy, suffering from, the application of the birch, said : " Forty rods are said to be a furlong. I know better ; let anybody set such a plaguy biding; as I've had, and he'll find out that one rod. makes an acher !,"