Wit and Wisdom

Otago Witness, Issue 1449, 30 August 1879, Page 21

Wit and Wisdom

The first walking matoh on record must have been when Satan went up and down the earth. Don't see it ? Why, yes ; peripatetic Lucifer — walking-match, eh ?—St. Albans Advertiser. The villain who perpetrated thatjwould'nt begping around Lucifer proper Bpirit prevailed in the community where he lives. A COBB for toothache. — Boy : ' ' What are you crying for, Sally?" Girl: "Cos I got the toothache." Boy: "You go round to my grandmother, she'ull show yer wbat to do ; she knows how to take all hera out and put 'em back whenever she wants." "First class in astronomy, stand up. Where does the sun rise?" "Please, sir, down in our meadow j I seed it yesterday." "Hold your tongue, you dunce. Where does tho can rise ?" "I know, in the east." " Eight ! and why ia tha east ?" Beoause tha 'east makes everything rise." A beligious old lady, when aaked her opinion of a church organ, the first time she had heard or seen one, said : " It's a vera bonny kist fa' o' whiotles ; but oh, air*, it'a an awfu' way o' spending the Sabbath day." Air art critic describing a recent collection of bric-a-brac says: " The visitor's eye will be struck on entering the room with a porcelain umbrella." A man who is not able to make a bow to his own conscience every morning is hardly in a condition to respectfully salute the world at any other time of the day. Secret kindness done to your fellow-crea-tures is as beautiful as secret injuries are deteat Able. To be invisibly good is as god-like as to be invisibly evil is diabolic il. "What makes your cows ao cross ?" said an old lady to a milkman, the other day. "Cross madam? They are the gentlest things in the world." "Well, the milk is always sour !" the matron, replied sharply. When men grow virtuous in their old age, they are making a sacrifice to God of the devil's leaving. It is said that if a man is walking for health and enjoyment, four miles an hour is the best gait. This may be true as regards health, but for enjoyment we remember one night when it took ua four hours to walk a mile. It happened, however, that the old foika had gone to camp meeting, and she had the night key and, as far as health was concerned, we really didn't care if it took all night. Belays are dangerous. A train h. time saves nine. There is no place like home ; the difficulty is to get there. Do not halloo till you are safe. A railway train is the thief of time. The great charm of a railway acoldant is, that no matter how many are killed and mangled, no one is to blame. A railway is long, life is short.but the longer the railway the shorter the life. A Good many years ago, not far from North Seaton, there lived a dammer and sinker, who went by the name of "Binkie." He was somewhat of a character in hig way. One day, being engaged with some others in ■inking a deep well, a piece of rock was encountered which had to be blasted with gunpowder. By Borne means or other the charge did not explode for a considerable timo, and nothing could prevent Binkie from going down to see what was wrong. He had not been long gone before the explosion occurred. In a few seconds, tc the astonishment of his mates, who expected he would be blown to atoms, the smoke begrimed visage of Binkie emerged from the well. " War ye far doon, Binkie ?" exclaimed one of them. "Far doon?" said Binkie ; "begox, lads, aa began to think aa was far eneuf doon, when aa heard the deevil cough 1" The Egyptian Question. — Pat (who has come to London with a view to emigrate): " Sure I've come about that situation ye're ftdvertißin'!" Newsvender (who has put out a bulletin about the "Situation in Egypt") " What situation d'you mean ?" Pat (pointing to the poster): "It's this wone in Agypt I'm after !" Newsvender : Pooh ! that's on the state of, affairs — " Pat : ' Divil a ha'porth I care whose estatelit's on Ibedad, I'U toko It." " ,