Wit and Wisdom

Otago Witness, Issue 1436, 31 May 1879, Page 21

Wit and Wisdom

Head Quarters. —A pillow. A Pressing necessity.— A flat iron. A pook relation. — A story badly told. A temperate barber will seldom razor row. The first cane break. —Abel's fractured skull. Every dog has his day, but the nights belong to the cats. " How glad I shall be when lent is over," said the fish to the oyster. We are all being devoured for the sins of the (h)erring, Some say that the quickest way to destroy weeds is to marry a widow. It is, no doubt, a most agreeable species of husbandry. All the dear delightful old customs are dropping into disrepute. It is just as hard now-a-days to borrow a dollar in Lent as at .any other time of the year. Toil and trial are grim schoolmasters, but a flush of hope can malce them beautiful, even as a sunbeam the rude mountain forest. A holy life has a voice. It speaks when the tongue is silent, and is either a constant attraction or a continual reproof. — Hinton. A good book is the precious life-blood of a master-spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond a life. — Milton. A farmer in the neighborhood of Dpncaster was met by his landlord, who accosted him thus: "John, I intend to raise your rent," to which John replied, "Sir, I am very much obliged to you, for I cannot raise it myself." London society posseses two ladies who both bear the name of Isabella, and who, standing to each other, as they do, in the relation of mother and daughter, aod presumably of diffe tent ages, though, indeed the differenco might eajily pass unperceived. A friend was heard lately to give the following account of them :—": — " The one is named Isabel— the other was a belle." He sat alone in her father's parlor, waiting for the fair one' s appearance the other evening, when her little brother cautiously came into the room, andglidiug up to the young man's side, held outa handfull of something, and 'earnestly inquired " I say, master, what's them?" "Those, " replied the young man, solemnly taking up one in his fingers, "Those are beans." " There !'" shouted the boy, turning to his sifter who was just coming in, " I,knew you lied. You said he didn't know beans j and he does too !' The young man's stay was not what you might call a prolonged one that evening. A minister in the Highlands found one of his parishioners intoxicated. Next day he called to reprove him of it. "It is wrong to get drunk," said the minister. " I ken that," said the guilty person, "but then I dinna drink as meikle as you do." " Why, Sir, how is that ?" " Why gin it please ye, dinna ye aye take a glass o'whiskey and water after dinner ?'' " Why, yes, Jemmy, sure I take a glass of whiskey after dinner, merely to aid digestion." " And dinna ye take a glass of whiskey toddy, when ye are gangin' to bed? 1 ' "Yes, to be sure, I just take a little toddy tolhelp me to sleep." Well," continued the parishioner, "that's just fourteen glasses a week, and about sixty every month. I only get piid once a month, and then if I'd take sixty glasses it wad make me dead drunk for a week. Now, ye see that the only difference is that ye time it better than I do, A word to Young Men. -One of the meanest things a young man can do, and it is not at all an uncommon occurrence, is to monopolise the time and attention of a young girl for a year 'or more, without any definite object, and to the exclusion of others of his sex, who, supposing him to have a atrimonial intentions, absent them i elves from her society. This " dog-in-the-manger "way of proceeding should be discountenanced and forbidden by all parents and guardians. It prevents the reception of eligible offers of marriage, and fast ns on the young girl, when the acquaintance) is finally di-'solved, the unenviable and unmerited appelatiou of ''flirt," Let all your dealings with women, young man, be frank, honest, and noble. That miray whose education and position in life would wawau^ our looking for better things, are culpably ciiiniual on ihese points, is no excute for_ your shortcomings. That woman is often injured or wronged, through her holiest feelings, adds but a blacker dye to your meanness. Our rule is always safe Treat every woman you meet as you would wish another man to treat your confiding sister.