TRIALS OF A FARMER.

Otago Witness, Issue 1417, 18 January 1879, Page 24

TRIALS OF A FARMER.

Mr Plug prides himself on furnishing his guests with milk of the sweetest, purest quality, and for this purpose he keeps his own oows. Last spring he purchased a cow from Canada, which, though a first-rate milker, is given to jumping fences, and none of the ordinary appliances prove efficacious in stopping her. Were it not that she is a peculiarly marked brindle, her rovicg pro pensities would have got her lost long ago, and as it is, Messrs Plug and Gallagher have travelled miles to bring her home. Finally , Mr Plug had his pasture fence built eight feet high and then turned her out. That j afternoon the two gentlemen took a team and started out to see how the cow liked the new arrangement. They were in good spirits, and congratulated each other on having at last got the animal where she'd have to stay. They were rolling merrily along, when Mr Plug suddenly uttered an exclamation which it is improper to repeat, and pulled the horse up so suddenly that Mr Gallagher was thrown forward and his head driven with much force against the horse's hip, causing the animal to spring forward again and hurl Mr Gallagher backward against the seat. When the horse was brought to a standstill, and James had recovered his breath, he asked what the matter was. Mr Plug pointed over the fence. James looked in the direction indicated, and beheld, a cow. üßyu ßy Jove, it's that Brindle," he cried, " 1 should know her among a thousand." "Yes, it's she, her!" replied Mr Plug. *' James," he continued, " 1 have lavished time and money on that cow j I have exhausted the ingenuity of the world in trying to fix a pasture that would hold her. I claim to be as patient and long suffering a man as the country can produce ; but, by the Roman war gods, this thing is played out 1 That cow dies !" Bat Mr Gallagher knew the cow to be a valuable one, and by hard work persuaded Mr Plug to give her another trial. They hitched the horse, let down the bars, and went in to drive the cow out. She seemed obstinately determined not to come out, and an exciting chase ensued. The day was warm. Mr Gallagher feels positive that the thermometer stood at 295 in the shade, but he must have been mistaken. But it was hot. Round the field they went, filling the air with stones, sticks, sods, and expletives. It took over an hour to gjt her out, and when that feat was finally accomplished, she ran up the road in the wrong direction for nearly a mile. They got her back again, and she leaped the fence into the pasture in which they first discovered her. This so discouraged Mr Plug that he sat down oa a atone and wejpt ; but James's blood was up, and he stated in emphatic language his firm resolve to gat the cow out or die in the , attempt. Animated by his example, Plug also took part in the effort, but happening fco step in a woodchuck's hole, he sprained his ankle, and being disabled thereby the burden of the labour fell upon Mr Gallagher, who finally got the cow out and headed in the right direction. After much difficulty, they arrived at the pasture, and opening the gate turned her in, and at the same time discovered their own cow quietly feeding. The two men gazed at each other. James looked mortified, and Mr Plug was so mad that he forgot the pain in his anklo. "They do look alike," said James in a tone half of apology and half of explanation. "Look alike !" replied Plug ; " by mighty, that cussed cow was made on purpose to fool us," and for the next few minute* he sworo copiously. They took the cow by a round-about way to the back side of the pasture from which ehe was taken, and by so doing avoided her owner, who having seen the chase and abduction from afar off, and believing it an attempt at robbery, had armed himself with a shot gun, mounted his horse and started in pursuit. He roused out his neighbours, and they ransacked the country for miles, and when they gave up and returned and found that the cow was in the pasture, the neighbours thought that the owner had been putting up a job on them, and they talked some of lynching him, but let him off on hia opening a barrel of cider. — St. Albans Advertiser.

It takesone hog to make a ham, how many hogs will it take to make a ham mer ?~Ex. Only one pig of iron. CnLOE (vainly attacking a trill) — " My third finger isn't good for anything." Strephon— " Pardon me. It is good to put a ring on." Scandalous remark by the Cincinnati Breakfast Table—" The phonograph will probably bo called a ' she,' becanse it repeats everything." It is a pleasure, as you get on in life, to feel so much more self-trust in your opinions; to know what you know so thoroughly; to feel that you can paas judgment with decision. " What fine dark bair you have got, Miss M . My wife, who is much younger than you, has hor hair quite gray." "Indeed," rejoined Miss M . "if I had been jour wife my bair no doubt would bave been gray too." Pekpectxon.— Mrs S. A. Allkn's World's Hair Restorer (the Genuine only in Pink Paper Wrappers) never fails to restore grey hair to its youthful co' our, imparting to it new life, growth, and lustrous beauty. Its action is certain and thorough, quickly banishing j?reyness. It is not a dye. It ever proves itself the natural Btrengthener of the hair. Its superiority and excellence arc established throughout the world. Wholesale of Kempthorns, Prossek, and Co., Dunedin and Auckland ; and, Felton, Grim•vvade, and Co., Wellington, and retail of all Chomists and Perfumers throughout the Oolonies..

Historical [—Vide "Jurors' Reports and Award**, New Zealand Exhibition." Jurors : J. E. Ewen, J. Butterwortb, T. C. Skinner. ' So far as the Colony is concerned, the dyeing of materials is almost entirely confined to th 9 re-dyeing of Articles of Dress and Upholstery, a most useful art, for there are many kinds of material that loso their colour before the texture is half worn. G. Hmscii, of Dunedin (Dunedin Dye Works, George street, opposite Royal George Hotel), exhibits a case of specimens of dyed Wools, Silks, and Feathers, and dyed Sheepskins. The colours on the whole are very fair, and reflect considerable credit on the Exhibitor, to whom the Jurors recommended an Honorary Certificate, 609 : Gusfcav Hirsch, Dunedin, for Specimen of Dyeing in Silk, Feathers, &c.

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