Flotsam and Jetsam.

Otago Witness, Issue 1374, 30 March 1878, Page 15

Flotsam and Jetsam.

Now supposing that some country Bill Sykes were to write to the Editor of the Otago Witness, . saying that he had lost the knack of opening a safe, and could not remember how the garrotte throttle was best done : supposing some town "Fagin" were to write to you, Mr Editor, and say that he would be much, obliged if you would furnish him in your correspondents' column with the addresses of a few shops where. he could dispose of stolen goods safely, would you answer him ? Or supposing that Julia Demoiselle were to communicate privately with you to know how to dispose of a baby without going to Blueskin, would you give her the latest news ? If not, why not ? I desire good naturedly to remonstrate against your informing all creation how to snare pheafti. It is one of those things that are b not hi&&n, in fact the fewer people t know it the better. Could I meet with the last man who knew how to snare pheasants, I should have no compunction in shoving him over the cliff, so that his secret might perish with him. By the way, one recipe given for catching these birds' I should not mind being pretty widely known, but few pheasants will die through it. Corn with small hooka concealed will bring no pheasants to the poacher;

Walker or Fitchett, so runs the latest. Revenge is of different kinds, and it seems as if the great trance medium had resolved on a refined variety of that great plant. I have a respect, bordering on veneration, for Mr Fitchett, whom, I think, only partly appreciated by the generation among whom he labours. A greater compliment it would be hard to pay him than that paid by Walker in delivering himself in a trance after the pattern of " Fitchett on Evolution."

It is a • curious thing, the way that fashion, or some such rule, governs all kinds of events. If Maria, the Sorrowful, jumps over Waterloo Bridge in the dusk of a winter's night, straightway Amelia, and Lucy, and Jane jump each over their favourite bridge at the earliest possible moment. If Perigord, the Unhappy, chokes himself with a pan of charcoal, immediately Jules and St. Simon, and so forth, each immolates himself after the same smoky fashion. If a bridge breaks down on tho Sierra Nevada, to pass from things animate to inanimate, immediately we learn that the same thing has happened in Norfolk or Kerry. If Captain John M'Gillicuddy sees the sea serpent in the Torres Straits, we are sure to hear that Captain John C. Linguard has met the brute face to face in Straits of Magellan. Which brings me to my point, that lawyers are just like other women and snakes, not to say bridges. Why, because Mr Barton got himself committed and went to quod in Welliogtpn, Mr Finn should get committed in Queenstown, is one of those things no fellow can explain, except on the doctrine, say, of averages. Shall we have Mr George Cook committing a breach of privilege in our city, or the AttorneyGeneral being put on — I was going to say Bell Hill— for cheeking Judge Williams ?

Another carious fact in human nature has struok me. Why is it that a newspaper is never said to be " well conducted " until it has committed itself ? I notice. that the Napier Telegraph did a blackguard thing in referring to the Earl of Lewes the other day. Now, I observe that every paper that has had a "local" on offender begins with remarking that it '/Mb pity that "this usually well con>sucted paper," &c, &c. In speaking of the Otago Daily Times Civil Service articles, some of the Billingsgate iB prefaoed with "It is a pity that this usually well conducted paper should," &c. For my part, I should like to have my virtues discovered before the moment arrives when the discovery only gives additional point and zest to the cataloguo of my crimes.

The census return of the city has been made , up after a somewhat leisurely. fashion surely. I had almost got over the breathless state of expectation in which I was. for some weeks. After we had all learned how many horses, rats, and pointers every settler had from Amberley to the Bluff, we are told that the little trifles that interest no one, such as the mere fact that we are 22,000 strong in the city of the South. The neighbourhood has, I guess, increased far beyond and out of all proportion to the city. The way that the Fiat and Cavarsham, &c, not to mention the hill, have grown since the last numbering of the people, will astonish the natives. By the way, for the purposes of giving information, it is almost a pity that the suburbs are hot reckoned with the town. It is deceiving to the outsider that the petty municipal bounds, however necessary for the purpose of subdividing the gaslighting or watering, should be allowed to interfere with the representation of our true strength ; to all. intents and purposes the suburbs are iha city, Crustacean.