Sentiment and Eumour.

Otago Witness, Issue 1355, 17 November 1877, Page 19

Sentiment and Eumour.

Occupation of Tdrket. — War. The Cattle Plague. — Flies. ' '', Occupation of Eussia. — Conversion. The Best Thing Out. — A conflagation. A Man of Parts. — An Actor. Sheet Music. — Children crying in bed. The Detroit Free Press wants cheaper funerals and more grief. Who was it that declared that the beginning and ending of a chicken's life was a hatchet 1 What tricks are most common among Irishmen I—Patricks.1 — Patricks. Always laugh at your own jokes ; if you want anything well done, do it yourself. In cold northern countries, by a wise ■ provision of nature, the mountains are clad in firs. A lady's foot has been likened to i& . locomotive merely becase it moves 'in ' advance of a train. ' What is that which every living man' has seen, but never more will see again ? Yesterday. . ' What word is that of which, if you take J away the first letter, all will still remain V "Fall.'.' % • ; We are always clever with those* who imagine we think as they do. To her shallow, you must differ with, people ; to : beprofound you must agree with them'. — Bulwer. To be truly great, it is neceßsary to.be truly good and benevolent, ' for all other, distinctions the clods of the valley willi cover and the greedy worm deatroy. . " r ■ The Philadelphia Star speaks' of "the* beautiful passionate sea." When the' beautiful sea grabs a fellow up and slams all the gumption out of him against an old bathing-house, he is apt to recognise' the passionate part of it. — Eastern Freel Press.

A Misgiving Allayed. — A fashionable « young man lately presented his sweetheart with a string o£ pearls. Aa she hung them joyously around her neck, a cloud came over her brow, and she cried : " Beloved, do not pearls betoken teara ? " " Nary tear," was the response ; " them's imitation."

Slic-iit Mistake. — A woman recently entered a store in Connecticut, and sat down in front "of an iron safe to warm her feet. After sitting some twenty or thirty minutes, she remarked that she "never did like them kind of stoves — they don't throw out scarcely any heat, those gasburners don't,"

Hard Diet. — A northern gentleman while at Jacksonville, Fla., asked one of natives in tha neighbourhood if he ,<eyei* ate alligator. " Wa-a : l," replied the" 'Floridan, "I kin truly say I hey ; but that war a time when alligators war plenty, and table scrapin's war skurse." " Happiness in Duty. — "No man is discontented with the world if he does his duty in it," read a Rocklarid man the other evening. He was busily engaged in 1 rocking a howling infant, which! 'his wife had left in his charge while ahe'ran; into the neighbour's to compare T new? dresses. He didn't look as if he believed: it. — Bochland Courier. '•'.••• i FASHIONABLE ENTERTAIKMENTS'- l'lirl 'lir London. — " Going to the Thrdat'antt Ear. ball, Lady Mary 1 " "N<3 |,wS. areengaged to the Incurable Idiots'/ 1 perhaps I may meet you at the Epileptic? daiice on Saturday?" "Oh;'yeV;> we ; ar£ au'rePto'be there. ' The ■Epilepticsteward* are^sV delightful ! " — Punch. ; • : '}- '■-' - > : ' ; •' . ,THE~pbwerj3 of the; mind: which '%'akil painters, , poets, :math ! ema ! tici^y, : f|in;us'i-' 5 ciaris, and sculptors, were rudimentar in: the • pre-historic man ;' and' these ( p'owprs' or'tacuities have motr not been* developed 4n maiiy^peopie^ of our own time. '' The organ* of speech may have been imperfect fii ttiS primeval man, ; so that articulation "wai not possible! ' " ' '' ' ! ' ' 'J* /- . SiAMPLiNG. — A • retail .grocer- sampling molasses- at a wholesaler's is about ; tho most, interesting object in the.w^rld.^ '/He; takes the, stuff up on a chip, licks some p£ it -off, smacks his lipa, assumes ,<a Wpvy profound • and knowing expression; pf countenance, and, casting his eyes, ug [into the farthest corner of the room with "a far-off -look, aa if ,he heard .some -.angel playing on ; a moon-lit piano, jsaysV.— r "N-yum-yum, about er b&r'l erthetjl guess." — DanburyNews. , „% ., t That Widder.— A widow in Baltimore put 1 " crape on her door. The crape 'remained there about a week before! the landlord made bold to interrupt hep grief j and- when he entered he"' found-nothing there but the house. Her- grief 'Wasf'sb intense that she had inadvertently frei moved all the furniture. The- debt of nature which had been paid was' supposititious. The debt for * rent remains unc'an'celled. And , yet they ' say s that women are not calculated^ for'buainess.^ Rochester Democrat. ,J' ■:t 'Dr/ Itouis,- of New Orleans;! who^ « 'something of' a ,wag, calledb^a 1 Baptist minister, and propounded a"few J p r uzzling questions. Why is it,";'saia n he-°^at you are hot able to do the miracles' ; &at the apostles did? They w,ere protected against all poisons andjall kinds p^p'erlls. HoWis it'tnait' you are not, 'pro^ctefd^in iKe ! ;s^ine. J way f' The' r coloured jbTro'tlTe* responded promptly, " Don't 'khow^Wu't that, Selecto r; I's'p'ect I is:' I've^'fcfen a mighty sight of strong medicine frpmHouj doctor,' and I is' alive yet. " "| ' ■ ' '" r *" 1 , IJow .great, a ,bpunty.and a blessing' it is to hold the royal ,gif t$ of ; ths x s6ul,* so .that ..-they , shall; be" music : to' some! J 'and fragrance." tp.pthefa.rand'iife ,tji alt** * It JwoUjtd be'n,o ua^drthy'thing 7 tp^ r five ! *'fori to make, the power -which we f - ftaje r wiihfii .usfihe breath ."of other men's^'joyjj.,'^o scatter sunshine where only 'clouds ' and shadows reign,; to fill the" atmosphere .where earth's weary toilers • musi^tand ,wish, r -a brightness which 'they^cannot ,create for themselves, and' which' they long for, enjoy and appreciate! ' it , During a debate which tdok v place some time, ago in a Scottish Town Council op a question where much diversity of opinion prevailed, a bailie, among other reasons in support of the measure, stated' that, it would be of immense benefit to .posterity. On hearing this, the provost, who headed, the opposition, got up and saidj f .'Vx am really surprised to. hear ony manuring forward sic an argument. W,bat .reason ha'e we to sacrifice oursel's for, the, gude o' posterity? Point pot,", he continued, striking the table, and lopHng r .triumphantly at his opponent—^"pqint'oot ac ;single instance whaur posterity { -has ever, been o' the least benefit ,tp us",!?' .. . A plain man said to a sceptic : "The mysteries of the Bible do not bother, me. I read the Bible as I eat Jfish. In eating fish, when I come across a bone, I do, not try.to swallow it, but lay tit oni, one: •aide". When, in. reading' the prophecies, licomeI i come 'across that which is' inexplicable, I-say, 'There is a bone,' and L-,lay.;at on-^one side. When I. 'find 1 something;, in Sl a ; doctrine that staggers my reason, I say, 'That is a bone,' and I lay it! on one -side." Alas! that men , should j choke themselves to death with bones of mystery^ when/there is so much meat in the Bible on which the soul may get strongnfor eternity. ._*,-.,.• j /'/IT '•■ Mr J. M'Cosh Clark, of Auckland, writing "to a friend, graphically describes; the pro* 'vision made in San Francisco for extinguishing fires. He says :—": — " I called at the office of a friend by appointment to go and see the 'Insurance Fire Patrol' harness up! on the strike of 12 o'clock. It took about, six seconds to do it, but the men were standing .about ready. On aa alarm of fire at, night they are ready in 13 or 14 seconds.." -The alarm, which is given by eleetricityV'opens all the doors, rings a bell, which' also notes the number of the block, a whip v strikea i each of the horses, which are all harnessed and not tied up ; the men sleep half -dressed, the other portion of their clotbes being on the engine ; they come down a slide from-the sleeping-room, and the horses are in position. The fastening to is simple, and, as before stated, they are ready to start in. 14 seconds. This patrol is generally first on the ground, atid if the fire has not made much way can often put it out with their hand engine, but their principal object is to sa,re property." " '«

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