Sentiment and Humour.

Otago Witness, Issue 1273, 22 April 1876, Page 19

Sentiment and Humour.

Mint's Meat. — Lamb. Played Out. — A retired actress. Always in Liquor. — An oyster. Available Space. — A woman's face. The right thing for hot Weather. — A cool thousand. .ult is claimed that sauerkraut is really a tonic. Yes, it's Teutonic^

Truth is the property of no individual ; it is the treasure of all men.

Next to the originator of a good sentence ia the tirst quoter of it. What word is that of which, if ybu take away the first letter, all will still remain I Fall.

A sanguine man sees the flowers in a field, a despondent man the weeds ; both are there,

Dynamite Fiends. — Those who go from one lunch house to the other and dine a mite in each place.

Evil is a relative term, so is plague. I like to see a housefly in January ; his impudence is then amusing, and quite harmless.

The warm, sudden kind of man turns cool soonest when hard work has to be done, just aB boiled water freezes sooner than other.

Cook, come after a situation — "By-the-by, ma'am, is there a rink in your neighhood I For I shouldn't like to give up my skating." — Punch. .

The imitation by young animals of tho tricks and devices acquired by old ones is a kind of education which reinforces heredity and helps evolution.

" Jack, how do you liko the rector's daughter?" "Don't know; I've always seen her drunk." " What ! the rector's daughter drunk V "No ; I. "

This hope, so great a mover of human hearts, has a sad history. It has usually been groundless and unsatisfied. It is painful to think that in the natural order it has been necessary to use phantoms to induce men to live and work. In these days as man copes more successfully with Nature, the dominion of hope is passing away.

A Motherly Puff. — Maneuvering Mamma (anxious that her daughter's chief attraction should not escape the notice of the very eligible young man who is taking her — the daughter — down to supper) — " Maria ! Maria ! " Maria — " Yes, mamma !" Maneuvering mamma (in loud whisper). — " Take your eyelashes out of tangle, darling !" — [Punch. f After giving Sandy certain directions about kirk matters, the minister sniffed once or twice, and remarked ; " Saunders, I fear you have been ' tasting ' this mornirjg." <♦ Deed, Sir," replied Sandy, with the coolest effrontery, set off with a droll glance of his brown tiyos — "deed, Sir, 1 was just gtt'iu to observe I thocht there was a smell o' speexitß amang us thia nwrafa 1 1 "

Blarney. — Tall Yankee (just arrived) — " Guess your legal fare is just six2Jence — " Dublin Carman — "Sure, me Lord, Aye take some Chape Jacks at that — but I wouldn't disgrace a gintleman ay your lordship's quality be drivin' him at a mane pase through the public streets, so I tulc upon myself to give your lordship a shillin's Avorth both ay stoyle an' whipcard "—[Punch.

An old lady in Ohio lost the companion Avith whom she had jogged for many years. She neglected to mark the spot of his burial by even a stone. Not long after coming into possession of a small legacy, a sister of the deceased said to her: "I suppose you will now put up stones for Daniel ?" Her answer was a settler. "If the Lord wants anything of Daniel at the resurrection, I guess he can find him without a guide-board. "

"Suitose," said a brow-beating Clarinda (la.) lawyer to a Avitness he was trying to badger, recently, "Suppose I should tell you that I could bring a dozen men of your town to this court-room who Avould say they Avould not believe you on oath, Avh&t Avould you say ?" Aud calmly the Avitneßs made his reply : "I would, say you lied." A gentle smile diffused itself all over the court-room, like a lump of butter on a hot cake, and the unruffled Avitness stepped doAvn.

The "Centennial Washboard" has made its appearance in the rural towns, " and the women are weeping and wringing their hands "to get hold of it. Let soap they'll be successful. — Com. Ado. Here's a chance for the formation of another one of those corrupt rings which have disgraced the country. Ay, there's the rub. — Albany Argus. The rub is probably the one referred to by "Hamlet" when he Avas debating the question " Tu-b, or not tu-b I" — Biiujhampton Republican.

Kindness will yield more happiness in the world than all the haughtiness and asperity we can assume. A kind, pleasant word falls like dew upon the parched and drooping flowers. Every kind act or thought you give will have its influence ; the charity to the poor beggar, the tear you have wiped away; the water you have proffered to parched lips ; the happiness you have striven to create, will retrocede to thee in the great E'ernifcy. These do not require much sacritice, but help 'to swell the rivers of kindness and love that fcrlilizo the soul of man.

Two lawyers in a country court — one of whom had grey hair, and the other, though just as old a man as hia learned friend, had hair which looked suspiciously black — had some altercation about a question of practice, in which the gentleman with the dark hair remarked to hia opponent : "A person at your time of life " — looking at the barrister's gray head — "ought to have long enough experience to know what is customary in such cases." — <v You may look at my gray hair, if you like. My hair will be gray u3 long as I live, and yours will be black as long as you dye ! "

" Numerous instances of the fidelity of the dog to his master are on record," observes the Border Post, " bxit we venture to assert that there are none equal to that displayed by the animal of the man whose body was found at Quat Quatta in the early part of last week. The deceased's body was found by theboundary rider, Mr. James M'Millon, across the trunk of a fallen tree. He was attracted to the spot by the pitiful yelping of the faithful dog. For dnys, without food or water, the poor beast kept watch over the body, during which time it killed 14 various reptiles, or iguanas, whose carcases were since discovered near the spot, It fought the birds of prey, and though it could not keep off decomposition it ijuc* ceeded in keeping the body from being devoured. There was no casting of lots between master and dog to see which should die first, to satisfy tho cravings of the survivor. When the deceased waa buried the poor animal laid down and died on the nowly-made grave.- The animal must have gone 14 days at least without food."

The Princess Beatrice's Mauriaok. — [Direct Cable Telegram to New York World.] — London, February 5. —On Thursday last, Queen Victoria entered tho boudoir of her unmarried " Beatrice, my dearest, you want to get married, don't you I " "0, don't I, just, " exclaimed the girl enthusiastically, "and it's leap-year, too. Hoorah ! But say, ma, who's the him V " Prince Louis of Batternburg," replied Her Majesty. " That'll be awfully jolly," said the Princess ; " Louis is such a sweet name," and she began scrawling on the blotting-pad, "Beatrice Battenburg," and wondering how would she look in white. Yesterday morning, when her august mother again entered Her Royal Highness* apartments. She found her daughter in tears, tears of indignation, rather than of grief. " Why, drat the child, what ails her ]" said Her Majesty. "0, ma," cried the Piincess, " look at this," and she pointed to the following item in the Times: — "CALCUTTA, February •£.— Prince Louis of Battenburg, while pig-sticking, fell and broke his collar bono. The sad evont has cast a gloom over the community." "Weil," said tho Queen, "what of that?" " What of that," echoed tho daughter ; " what of that I With all duo deference to you, ma'am, I will have no Prince Louis in mine. I thought we had come down low enough when poor Louise married into a grocer's family ; but a butcher, a man that makes his living; by sticking horrid pigs not much, Alexandrine Victoria," and knocking off her mother'scrown, with the remark that that was tho sort, of hair-pin she was, Her Royal Highness betook herself tq kQV be4roo^> $Wd gftya way fcg tear/}, ' "