Turning a Screw.

Otago Witness, Issue 1031, 2 September 1871, Page 19

Turning a Screw.

"But you won't sell him, Tom/" said Mrs Tozur,

By the way, my name is Tozer — the Reverend Thomas Toznr, 81. A. , formerly of Caius College, Cambridge, and now of Stogglesby Rectory, Lincolnshire — Mrs Tozer being my wife.

"My dear," I said, " humanity is humanity, but incomes are incomes ; and though the former says yes, the latter says 110. I cannot afford to turn the paddock into a hospital for decayed horses. This lameness decides it, and old Prince must go."

" But where Bhall you sell him V

"Well, 1 shall not sell him at all ; Mr Tomaon will do that for me at Horncastle Fair to-morrow. I am going to drh c him over 1 daresay Prince can hobble that distance."

' ' And what do you suppose you will get for him Il'I 1 ' said Mrs Tozer.

' ' Oh, not more than ten pounds," I renlied.

" Dear, dear ! What a shame it seems to part with poor old Prince for ten pounds !"

"My love," I said decisively, in that tone which always closea a discussion, "it is not the ten pounds, but the cost of keeping the old horse. If you like to do without another, well and good. Stout walking-boots Buffice for me in the wintor."

But Mrs Tozer seemed to think that it would be a pity to let our four-wheeled chaise grow mouldy in the coach-house ; and the consequence was, that the next morning, at eleven o'clock, I was driving my churchwarden, Farmer Tomson, over the half-dozen miles that intervened between Stogglesby and the world famed horse-fair ; but very slowly, for Prince's limp in what horsy people call the "off fore-leg " was rather marked. tC Perhaps you'd like me to do the other bit of business for you, Master Tozer," said my companion. "Well, no; thank you," I said. "If you'll do the selling part, I shall be obli'jed. I think I'd rather buy for myself. I don't boa3t, mind ; but if there iB anything secular I do know about, I think it ia ft horse,

Farmer Tomson chuckled. " Well, well," he said, "don't get took in, for they're a rough lot down here at fair time " "That's precisely why I want you to sell Prince for me. I know they would get, him from me, and then there would bo sonic difficulty about payment ; and as a clergyman, I don't want to be mixed up witli any unpleasanlry. And besides, you see, tho class of men who go about buying lame horses are not those with whom I euro to hiuv dealings."

"AiJ :ii;hl-, parson, all right," said Tomson; "only don't blame me if I dout't u,ot enough for him. I promise you, though, that 111 bring back the ready cash."

"Do your best, Tornson, do your best, and J shall not complain," I said, for I hitd implicit confidence in him, his only failings i cinq too szreat a leaning towards ain-and-water, and a tendency to famili.irity, as evinced in his addressing his pastor as 'Parson.' We reached the head inn ; I brought out a halter, and Mr Tomson led off poor old Prince, the chaise and harness being left in charge of the hostler, a fresh man.

As the old horse was led off, he seemed to give me a mournful look, as though he would have said : "Do you turn your back like this upon your old friends I" And then he went limping out of the yard, whisking his gray tail nbout ia a melancholy manner ; and I thought of the many times those four white stockings had gone over the road with our modest conveyance ; never too fast ; never taking fright; never shying; never being inserted, as to the hind stockings, in fierce kicks through the splash board. And I thought that if, for the five-and-thirty pounds I had placed as the outside sum, I could get as good a steed to dwell with us for the next ten years, I should do well.

I went into the coffee-room to await Farmer Tomson's return, and somehow I rather regretted that I had not called in a veterinary surgeon, and given Princo a month's rest ; but the next minute 1 drove away the thought, and stood at the window, looking out at the bußy turmoil of the lit'le town during the horao-fair.

My wife hvl stipulated for a horse aa much like Prince as I could get ; nnd 0.3 j stood Lazing out, 1 siw one or two goodly looking cobs, with one, tw<--, and even three white-stockinged feet, but not one, like old Princo, with four.

"But I can't study that now," t thought to myself. " A good sound horse ia what I rpquire, and a black lagged cob ia likely to be tho more durable."

Before I had waded half through the day bef ore's Times, Farmer Tomson was back.

" Well, how have you got on I" I said. " Oh, just aa well aa I expected, parson ; the regular thing for an old horse — pound a leg ;" and he clashed four sovereigns down upon the table. I was disappointed, for 1 had expected double, but jj£ did not say so. Torason saw ifc, though.

"It was its real vahie, pai'3on, ;> ho said quietly : " the horee waa lame, dead-> lame. ;;

" Don't Bay another word, Tomaon, pray," I said hastily. "I am indeed much obliged."

" You're quite welcome, parson. I shall look in on you in the morning about that bit of wall in the churchyard, and then you can shew me your new horsepurchase." " But won't you let me drive you back ?" I said."

"No, no, thanky," he said ; " I daresay I shall be late. Good morning ; and be on the look out for sharpers "

Farmer Tomson departed ; and I wont about the town attending to a few domestic commissions before venturing upon the prime business of the day. At last, though, I had a look round, to see splendid carriage horses selling at from two hundred and fifty to three hundred guineas a pair, and hunters, park hacks, ladies' broken mares, sturdy cobs, giga'itic cart horses — every description of the equine race ; but although I wandered about for quite an hour and a half, I could not see the sort of cob that took my eye. Invitations to buy I had in plenty from cunning-looking gentlemen, who could ace what I was about ; but a word from any one of these horsy-looking gentry was sufficient to put me on my guard, and to take me to another part of the fair.

Tired at last of the noiae and bustle, the shouting horse dealers, and the trotting of hoofs, I began to wiah that, after all, I had entrusted some one else with the commission ; and walking back to the inn, I had a glass of sherry and a biscuit, sat down for half an hour, and then went to have one more look round, intending if 1 were unsuccessful in my search, to hire a horse irom the inn to drive back, and then trust my case to other hands.

" Plenty of horses are bought through advertisements," I said to myself ; " and old Baldox could examine it ;" Mrßaldox being the vet. who came round our neigh* bouraood.

"The very thing I want," I said to myself the uext moment ; but all the aame, I preserved a strict arpearance of want of interest, for just then a rather red-faced young fellow, in a quiet groom's livery, passed me, leading a very good-looking dark cob, very plump looking, full head short, well-earned tail, four black legs, good dark glossy cnat, tut rather playfullooking, and «iven to dance .'tbout.

1 let tbo man pass me two or three times, as I looked unconcernedly on, while first one horsy man went up and then another, wanting to try tho horse, and talking in loud and deprecatory Accents; but the srroom was very surly, and seemed as if he would have none o£ them, always walking oil" a few yards before ho came to another stand.

"Horse for sale, my lad V 1 said at last.

The groom looked at me surlily all over, his eyes resting long on my white handkerchief. ''Do you want to buy one ?" said he at last.

" Well, 1 don't know," I said, smiling ; " but that don't seem to me the way to sell him."

" Oh, don't it ! Praps it don't," said the nun. " 1 know what I'm up to." "What's the price?' I said, aa I walked round tho cob, liking hi 3 looks more and me re

"Now, look here," said the groom, gazing at me aa searching as in him lay; "do you want to buy him I Because, if you do, say so : if you don't, ju3fc leave me alone, please, for I've been humbugged enough for one day."

" Well, my lad," 1 said, " you are not very civil ; but Ido want to buy a cob." He looked at me again, and. then a bright thoughtfseemed to flash across him. " You're a clergyman, ain't you ?" " Yes," 1 said smiling. " Then where' » you/card V He smiled triumphantly as he said this, evidently thinking that he had poaed me j but 1 drew out my card-case and gave him a card— Rev. T. Tozer, Stogglesby Kectory — when the man's face underwent a complete change, and he touched his hat respectfully. " Beg pardon,, civ ; but L didn't know but what you might be a chuuter dressed up like a parson. Muster sent me here to sell tho pony, and toid me to be very cireful and not get done, and J\'e nearly been chiselled out of him twyste. Here'a these fellows crime round you with flash notes and duffing suvrings, am i more dodges than you'd over think of, and ie makes one auspicious." " Who ia your master ?" 1 said, " Mr Goorge Smith, sir, of Louth." 1 did not know the gentleman but the livery-buttons on the groom'a coat bore the well-known crest of the Smiths— a fiat clenched upon a hammer— and tasked him a few more questions. " What is he parting with the cob for /" waa amongst the rest.

" Missus uaect to drive him, sir ; but we're going to have a broom now and a sixteen- hander. U is a pity, though, for this here'a as nice a little thing as ever stepped. That quiet, you may do any mander o' things with him."

"Not very young, my lad," (. said knowingly, after a look in the horse's mouth.

"No, sir, he ain't young : but he ain't a old ; oas. Master's only had him two years. I don't believe he's eight year, that I don't.

I had him walked ; I had him trotted ; 1 had him tried in harness, and T drove him myaelf ; and then he was once more reduced to the halter.

" Rather more skittish than 1 like," I said.

" Skittish, sir !" said the groom. "He ain't skittish ; but I tell you what he is, airy, he's that fat and lazy, and full of play, that he'a spoiled. Just fancy yourself, sir, shet up in a loose box, and tho missus coming and blowing you out with corn at unreg'lar times till you blew upon it. Wouldn't i/oij bo skittish ? Why, see how slow he is : be might do two mile more an hour if he warnit so fat."

" Well, and now, how about price ?" I said.

" Forty guineas, sir," said the groom — "forty-two pound in gold." " Which means that five- and -thirty pounds will buy him, I suppose ?" 1 said ; for I liked the horse, the man, and the character of the affair altogether. The groom looked hard at me for a few moments, and then his face wrinkl°d all over into a simple grin. " Well sir, master said : " Ask forty pound, and stick to it ; and if you can't get five-and* thirty, bring him back again." ' 1 looked the cob over and over again, felt his hocks and fetlocks, and, with all my manipulation, found him as quiet aa a lamb.

" Well, my lad,' 1 said, after bidding him thirty in vain, "I'll give you the fivo-and- thirty pounds.'' "Suvringa, sir?" "Well, a cheque on Garfit's bank will do V I said, smiling. " I don't know nothing about cheques nor.nofces, s j r j uuvriuga for me, please,"

said the lad ; and the purchase was completed by my fetching the gold from the bank myself, to return finding the groom just moving off. " Thought it was alia do, sir," said the man, touching his hat and brightening up ; and then, on my remembering him with five shillings, ho led my purchase to the inn, where he waß put to ; and I drove home, delighted with my bargain, for no horse could have gone better. He required a touch or two with the whip once, but, on the whole, he trotted along most respectably, and was as nice-a-look-ing plamp cob as a parson need wish to drive.

Our boy was absent on my return, and I had to take the new horße out myself, my wife coming to see him by lantern light, patting him, and expressing her admiration loudly. Farmer Tomson, being an early man, waa over next morning by the time we had done breakfast ; and I proudly led him out to the stable, unfastened the halter, and brought out the purchase smilingly, while the old man walked round it, and round it again ; looked at its head, its tail ; run hi 3 hand all over it ; Btooped down by its legs one by one, and then looked at me. 11 Well," I said, " what ought I to have given for it V "Pound a lea !" he exclaimed." " p 00 }, l—nonsense !" I said. What's he worth ?" " Pound a leg, I tell you, man. Why, drat it, parson, you've bought your own old hoss again !" " Wh*t I" L exclaimed, laughing. " Absurd," exclaimed Mrs Tozer, who just then joined us. " Why, Prince had four white legs, and he'd follow me about like a dog i so will you some day then— a poor fellow then." To my utter surprise, the horse walked up to her and put his nose in her hand, as I had seen Prince do scores of times.

I thought 1 knew a little about horses, hut I did not. The hollows over poor Prince's eyes, that had been blown out, hollowed out again ; his docked tailed grew, and the dye wore off his four stockings ; while the dodge of re shoeing him, bo as to give a limp to the near fore-foot, was shewn to me by the old farmer ; and I learned how that, where two lego were lame, they formed a pair, and the lameness was not noticed.

But, after all, I did not lose thirty- one pounds live ; for upon chuking down my disgust, and asking Farmer Tomaon's adfice, he said : " Turn him out iv the Saddock ; the lameneas may go off ; but on't think of trying law. Bear the first loss, and don't throw good money after bad. I'll never say nowt about it." Neither did I till now ; and in proof of my journey not being all losb, the lameness did go off, and we drove old Prince till he died suddenly, five years after the turning of the Screw.