Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 921, 24 July 1869, Page 16

Varieties.

Ova- coats. — Eggshells. Adyertjskment. — (By a dyspeptic)— " Wanted, a Light Porter forjjunimer time." A JPICTDRBDBAtiBR'B TRANSLATION. — ArS est celare artem — The art is to "sell" the artist. Adding Insult to Injdrt. —A young lady being charged by a gentleman with having trilled "with his feelings, very funnily, as she thought, exclaimed, " Well, I plead jilty." Mamma Answered. — Daisy was trouble' some, and her mamma said, "Daisy, if you bother me so I shall give you to the butcher, and then what will you do?" •• Then I shall bother the butcher," said Daisy, tranquilly. Indignant.— lt was amusing the indignation expressed by a French Zouave at Perekop, when he found that a house which he purposed I to plunder had already been cleaned out by 'the owners— "Ces brigands-la Us out tout emporte." (Those thieves of owners have carried everything off.) Thb Josk Bilunos Lexicon. — Blush.— The cream ov modesty. Ginger-pop.-Gimnastik water. Man. — Live dirt. Friends— Books, paintings, and etuft birds. Bushfullnes. Ignorance afraid. Conservatism.-— A bag with a hole to it. Radicalism. —A hole with a bag to it. Aristocrat.— A demokrat with hiz pockets filled. Politicks.— Tho apology ov plunder. An Australian Magnate.— A good story is that of an Australian magnate, whose health was proposed at a banquet given in his honour. He declined to make a speech in return. Gen* tlemeu," said he," what you have said is doubtless true and certainly agreeable, but I never made but one speech in my life before any large number of people, and short as it was, the result was so unfortunate that I made up my mind never to make another." On further inquiry, it was found that tho speech in question was made at the Old Bailey. It consisted of "Not Guilty, my Lord," yet the result was transportation for life. Popular Quotations. — At least half our popular quotations are from Shakspearc ; and perhaps it would not be an exaggeration to say that of the Skaktpearian lines half aro from "Hamlet." Poor Guest Tomlins used to tell an amusing anecdote apropos of this. During the run of Fwher's impersonation of tho Danish Prince at tho Lyceum, two languid swells, who were evidently quite in tho dark about Shakipeare, occupied scats in the stall*. Having yawned through three acts, thoy uxchangttd views on the drama. "Haw— how d'ye »k<s it ? " one asked. " Not bad," drawled the other. "No 1 but— haw t— dooced full of quotations, ain't it ? " Epitaph.— An amusing epitaph on one of tho follows of Alt Soufr, Oxford, a noted gourmand, is quoted by Hearno :— "Hero lice Dr. Parson* interred in the*e

cloisters t If the last trump doesn't wake him, then call Oysters I "

Ttarx&s ?o DipjfKJf* ako Thackkiuy. His homely character!, our great Cfrarlot

Dickens Into rail living household inmates quicken*, Subtle as snakes or innocent as chidkons. With trenchant wit our Willietn Makepeace

Thankormy Heap* caustic troths in nnythtagbut slack

array, And In each glbo of genius wo can track a ray. Home in miwto happier by tho worke of

Dickens, Of one and ail, tbo sire, tho little chickens, Al*o their dam the joyous ptiiiw ho quickens. Ah ! blcit relict from pagct soft and sacchary. Give me the writing* ot that foe to quackery, Tho bold, tho kccO'eycd, entertaining