Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 905, 3 April 1869, Page 16

Varieties.

What kind of grain does the distribution of .Art Union prizes resemble ?— A lot o' rye. "The Voices or the Night."— Those blessed babies.

_ Phrenological— The Bump of Destructiveness — A railway collision.

Repeal of the Uniox— Matrimonial Divorce.

Carpets are bought by the yard, and worn by the foot.

An aged bachelor being asked if he ever witnessed a public execution, replied, " No j but I once saw a marriage. " Some great burly Irish counsellor once said to Curran, "If yon go on so, I'll put you in my pocket." "If you do," said Curran. "you'll have more law in your pocket than ever you had in your head." " What is the chief use of bread?" asked an examiner at a school exhibition. " The chief use of bread," answered the urchin, apparently astonished it the simplicity of the inquiry, " is to spread butter and treacle on."

" Why is tho letter cl like a ring ?" said & young lady to her accepted one day. The gentleman, like the generality of his sex in suoh a situation, was aa dull as a hammer. "Because," added the lady, with a very rcodeßt look at the pjcaire at the other »nd of the room, — "because we cannot be wed without it,"

The following jeu tf esprit, attributed to a popular member of the Lower House for. merly in office, has been going the rounds of the West India Clubs. It ia a "skit" on the word parliament : — This long word cornea only from parler, to speak, As best etymologists trace ; So you see all is 2?«rZe, and nothing is meant— Too often the truth of the case.

A lovelorn swain broke a wish-bone with his 'heart's queen,' somewhere in Hampshire. "Now what do you wish, Sally?" demanded John, with a tender grin of expectation. " I wish I was handsome," replied the damsel— "haadsome as— Queen Victory!" "What a wish!" exclaimed John, "when you're handsome 'nuff now. But I'll tell you what 1 wish, — I wish you wes locked in. my arms, and the key, was lost.''

A sheriff was once asked to ezecnte a writ against a Quaker. On arriving at his house he saw the Quaker's wife, who, in reply to the inquiry whether her husband was at home, said he was, at the same time, requesting him to be seated, and her husband would speedily see him. The officer waited • patiently far some time, when, the fair Quakeress coming into the room, he reminded her of her promise that he might gee her husband. " Nay, friend," said she, "I promised that he would see thqe. He has seen thee. He did not like thy looks; therefore he avoided thee, and bath departed from $$ house by miQsier patV l ' *