Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 801, 6 April 1867, Page 16

Varieties.

Wnr did William Tell shudder when he shot the apple from his son's h<ad ?— Because it was an- arrow escape.

Tun London Conundrum Society have awarded the annual gold medal to tlie author of the following specimen of harmless insanity : — Why is a man cutting grass like Othello ? — Because he is a mower.

Without tiie Means. — When the Irish priest rebuked his parishioner for drunkenness, he told him thut " whtn-.ver he entered an alehouse to drink, his guardian angel stood weeping at the door." '" And if he had sixpence he'd be in himself," was Pat's reply.

The folio-wing is from an American paper:. — "I met her in the sunset bright, her gingham gown was blue ; her eyes, that danced with pure delight, were of the same dear hue And always when the sun goes down, I think of the girl in the gingham gown."

Milton' was asked, " How is it that in some ceuntries a k'Dg was allowed to take his place on the throno at fourteen years, but not to marry until he is eighteen ?" " Because," said he, " it is easier to govern a king !om than a woman."

An exTemel? beautiful young lady, walking with her sister at a favorite "Welch watering place, met a woman who was not handsome, but who had a remarkably fine set of teeth. " I would give the world," exclaimed the beauty, " to have that girl's teeth ; and," she added, after an involuntary pause, " I dare ?ay she would give two worlds to have my face."

A Me.vn Editor. — The editor of a western paper having lent his axe to one of his subscribers, the borrower unfortunately broke off the handle. On returning it, the man said, "You can easily pet it fixed." "Yes," replied the editor, "bat that will cost the quarter-of-a-dollar." "Well," rejoined the borrower, " if you ain't rather small for an editor ; here's the quarter ; but I'J thank you

to stop my paper at once."

We have lately heard of a minister named Craig, who purchased a whistle, and when his hearers went to sleep, he emitted from it a very shrill sound. All were awoke, and stood up to heir him. "You are certainly smaTt specimens of humanity," he said, as ha slowly g lzed at his wondering peop 7 e ; " when I preaeii the gospel you go to sleep ; when I play the fool you are wide awake." Said a gentleman the other day to a servant at the hotel where he was stopping — •' Bleis my soul, Sambo, how black you are ! How, in the mmc of wonder, did you get so blick ?" " Why, lcok'a here, massa, de reason am dis — de day dia child was born dere was an eclipse. ' Ebony received a shilling for his satisfactory explanation, and after grinning thanks, continued, " I tell you what it is, massa, dis nigger may be black, but he ain't green no how." A worthy west country incumbent has a church choir made up of quarrymen. This summ r he accompanied them in an excursion to Salisbury, and in the course of that wellspent day they were all grouped in front of the glorious Cathedra. They gazed in silence, then spoke in whispers, and at last, being a«ked by their friend and rector what they thought of it, the foremost man replied, for himself and fellows, with a heave of the chest — " Sir, we all think there's a mortal deal o* stone there !"