Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 749, 7 April 1866, Page 14

Varieties.

Credit.— For a nation to be largely in debt k. id the nature of things, much to its credit.

Brighaji Young is, indeed, a pillar of SaltLake. His idea of a wife is- ioa.

Epitaph on a Bore.—' time, but for all daj ."

■" He was not for a

What would a pig do if he wanted a habitation .'—He would tie a knot on his tail and cali it a pigstye.

What dance does a land slide resemble ? -The High-land fling.

Good Audiekce for an Auctioneer — -S«^-stan<ieis.

Important to Farmers. — Feed your chickens well, and large cro^s will be the certaia. result.

Epitaph op a Portrait Painter — Taken from life.

Love's fetters were formerly made of flowers but m our day, gold bonds are preferred. *

" Working for Bare Life" is defined to. be making clothes for a new baby.

Exclusively to Paper Manufacturers.—What should he tiie size oi a Spiritual Magazine I—Mediu.n,1 — Mediu.n, of course.

Ben Johnson said of a certaia lawyer who died, '• He has simply j,oue to stay vita bis best client."

The Cow-keeper's Paradise. -TheMilkv Way. J

"You cruel man, my fears have no effect on you at all."—" Well, drop them, dear."

A New Wrinkls in Natural Histort. —The reason why the gamecock keeps his feathers so smooth is that he never goes anywhere without taking his comb with him.

"Worse than a Whipping.-" Tim does your mothor ever whip you V— " JVo ; bat she does a precious sight worse, though.'"— " What's that ?" — " Why, slie washes my lace every morning."

Give and TAKE.-Jerrold met a personal enemy in the street one day, who refused to give him halt the pavement, spying that he never turned out for d rascal. " 1 do!" said Jerrold stepping aside, aud politely raising hu hat : " pass on, »ir — pass on, sir ;"

Lnnocent Creature !— An old lady wonders that when the threid of the Atlamic cable was broken, the Great Eastern didn't give a tack or two, ann so repair it. Her wonder was all the greater, as she was assured they had a very o- OJ d needle on board. °

A Tutu Ant.—" Mother, you mustn't whip me for runung- away from school any more "-— Why ?"—"' Because my school- book says 'that ' ants ' are the most industrious beings in the world , and ain't I a tru-antV

Solomon's Riches.-^' Ma," sai-1 an intelligent, thoughtful boy of nine, "I don't think twlomon was as rich as they say he was " " Why, my dear, what could have put that in, your head?" asked the astonished mother.— '' Because the bible says lie Siept with his fathers and I think if ha had been so rich he would have had a bed of his own."

Old Lord Elphinstone was asleep at church, while the minister, a very prosy preacher was holding forth. At length the parson stopped' aud cried, " Waukin my Lord Elphinstone."— A grunt, and then, '• I'm no sleepiu' minister." "But ye are sleepin.' I w per ye dinna ken what I said last."—" Ye said, ' Waukin, my Lord Elphinstone.' "— " Ay, ay, but I wager ye dinna ken what I said last afore that." — " I wa^er yedinnaken yersel'." °

Reason for Fencing in a Plot.— One of the readiest replies that we ever heard was madeby an Irishman. A gentleman travelling on horseback came upon an Irishman who was Fencing in a most barren and desolate piece of and " What are you fencing in that lot nf land for* Pat 1" said he. " A herd of cows would starve to death oil the land !"- "And sure, your honour wasn't I feucing it in to keep the poor bastes out iv it 1"

ItE^so'tts por not Joining the Church —Two lawyers from Lowell were returning from court wli3u the one said to the other, " I've a notion to join the Rev. Mr. - 's church— been debating the matter for some time. What do you think of it?"— '• VVould'nt do it," said the other —" vi ell, why ?" -" Because it could do you no po-sible good, while it would be a great injury to the church."

Choice op Death.— A court 1 uffuon having offended his sovereign, the monarch ordered him to be brought before him, and with a stern countenance reproached him.— " Wretch! you shall receive the punishment you merit ; prepare your self for death."— The culprit in great terror fell upon his knees, and cried for mercy.— •■ I* will extend no other mercy to you," said "the prince, except permitting you to choose what kind of death yo i will die. Decide immediately, for I will be obeyed."—" I adore your clemency," said the crafty jester j " / choose to die of old age I"