Varieties.
A Stern Reality. — The man at the wheel. A Fre^h Addition to the Heavenly Bodies. — Crinoline.
Lord Dundreary's Last. — Why is a hair-cutter like a sheep? Because he h a hah-bah U«rber).
What is the most sensational periodical of the day? The Powder Magazine. A military definition of a kiss would be a report at head quarters.
Question for Astronomers. — Is the dog star a sky terrier, or merely a terrier in the sky ?
When m inexperienced sportsman goes into the fields, bis expectations fall to the giound, and the
birds don't
Which is the strongest day in the week? Sunday, because all the rest are ieeak-iays.
Poets sing abjut the "peaceful stars of night," and yet everything of them is a magnificent rcrolvir.
A Printer's Toast. — Woman - the fairest of creation. The edition being extensive, let no
man be without a copy.
Eve, according to Milton, k?pt silence in Eden to hear her husband talk. T.iere have been no Eve& since.
A latch-key is the married man's symbol of freedom ; consequently, secure it, if you can, in the honeymoon.
It is very uncertain whether an autiier grows any better by writing a book ; but the reader turns over a new leaf every minute.
Fine words butter no parsnips, but a new bonnet presented to a wife will cover a multitude of her husband's .sins.
Modesty.— A Yankee editor says that modesty is a quality that highly adorns a woman, but ruins a man.
The following is the latest from Washington :— '•The White House is henceforth to be called ' Lincoln's Inn.' "
" The great beauty of a wife is." said a henpecked husban I ', "that if she abuses you herself, she won't let any one else abuse yon."
Tin cc Railway Guages.— Trains are made for the broad guage, the narrow guage, and the luggage.
National Peculiarities. — In France they wax their flocrs with '' flooring wax :" in England we only hear of <- sealing wax."
A notorious miser having heard a very eloquent charity sermon, exclaimed, " This sermon strongly proves the necessity of alms. I have almost a mind to turn beggar."
Winding Up.— Moral Reflections by a policeman : " It seems to me that with many young men the most approved method of winding up the night is reeling it home."
Oh, How Artful '.—Wife : Whenever I want a nice snug day, all to myself, I tell George my mother is coming; and then I see nothing of him till one ie the morning.
So ne people were talking about a gentleman celebrated as much for the intensity as for the shortness of his friendships. "Yes," said a wit, " his friendships are so warm that he no sooner takes them up than he puts them down again."
A Candid Lawyer— "Do you think I'll get justice done me?" said a culprit to his counsel. ' " I don't think you will," replied the other, " for I see two men on the jury who are opposed to hanging."
An amusing incident occurred in a Scottish town near the Border, where an ambitious wight had reached the summit of bis desire by being promoted to the magisterial bench. With his head as high in air as he could carry if, he swaggered along till he went bolt up against a quadruped which had not the manners to get out of the way of the new-made bailie, and was lazily hrowsing by the wayside. " Man, mind my coo," ciied the indignant owner. " Woman, I'm no longer a man I'm a bailie !"
Justice Fifty Years Aco.— Knight, in his Autobiography, relates the following as an example of how justice was dispensed in England fifty years ago. Under tlie guidance of the town-clerk corporate magistrates generally got through their business decently. Sometimes they made little slips Late in the evening an offnder was brought before one of our mayors, having been detected in stealing a smock-frock from a pawnbroker's door. " Look in Burn's Justice, 1 ' said his worship to his son — "look in the index for smock frocks." " Can't find it, father— not there." " What ! no law against stealing smockfrocks ? By Jove, young fellow, you've had a lucky escape ! ' The constable demurred at the discharge of the prisoner. " Well, well, lock him up, and we'll see the town clerk in the morning."
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