ORIGINAL STORY. MY COUSIN'S HUSBAND'S FIRST SHAVE.

Otago Witness, Issue 685, 14 January 1865, Page 19

ORIGINAL STORY. MY COUSIN'S HU SBAND'S FIRST SHAVE.

" When, oh when, will become ? How slowly the time passes," exclaimed my cousin, as she watched the progress of the hands upon her tiny watch. Now considering that I had only arrived a quarter of an hour before, after travelling a distance of sixty miles to be a-brides-maid at ray cou«in's wedding on the morrow, and considering that in times past we were able to amuse ourselves for hours together, I felt by no means complimented by her impatience.

"I am sorry," was my reply " that my society is no compensation for that of this lasrgard hero of yours ; shall I go to the window and play • Sister Anne ' whilst you keep asking me 'is he coming ?' "

I had scarcely finished when my cousin was kneelinu at my feet—" Etty darling, don't be so unkind as to think me unkind. Indeed and indeed I am glad to see you." My cousin was the child of impulse. She was rarely two minutes the sime. She was beautiful, but her beauty was less owing to the regularity of her features than to thei.' ever varying expression. I do not know if you understand what I mean when I say her face was a living page. It represented unfailingly, every emotion she wished it to vepiessnt — Her's was a wonderful power. She could repress the mobility of her features. She could at odd times control her impulsivness ; but when she gave it rein, her feelings seemed to beam forth on her countenance in brilliant coruscations. Her face and features were small, all excepting the eyes, and these at times, seemed unnaturally large. Veiled and fringed with their long lashes, sometimes a person might look at that face and say, what a childish countenance. But woe unto him, if doubting its beauty, he waited until the eyes unfolded, the blue eyes, — not dark blue, but that gleaming blue, which unlike the ordinary blue, seems to become more intense the longer you watch it. Ninety eight blue eyes out of a hundred appear to become less blue as yon gaza at them — ther^ is a shade of violet, a rare one, the blueness of which appears more confirmed the longer you look at it. Woe unto him, I say, because' as those eyes unfolded they would immediately take in the sceptic's doubt — and then the whole features would light up in mingled amusement and command — the gazer would be fascinated into a helpless captive. I have said my cousin was impulsive, but she was none thj less a flirt — we were both flirts ; both "fast" girls. I must explain. My cousin and I had been educated together, brought out together, and were something more than sisters — we were firm allies. I do not suppose two gHs ever lived who understood each other better. Without premeditation, an almost artificial system of mutual control had grown upon us. We had each two names — her's was Louisa Emily, mine Fanny Henrietta. Oat of these we had manufactured each three diminutives, and, by the varied use we made of them, we managed to attain to an almost mechanical assimilation of mood. It is a great mistake to suppose that fast girls and flirts are always either lively and unfeeling, or, if sentimental, only artificially so. They are as sensitive, indeed generally much more so than your slow girls. The inclination to flirt frequently grows out of nothing more than an over fastidiousness, coupled with an over attractiveness. The victims fall too readily — the conquests are unvalued. If men would only command their admiration, flirts would be helpless ! But' men are such stupid fools. They are told — and it is quite true— that women like compliments, and they take it for granted that thereiore they necessarily like those who make them — a great mistake. Tney think to make themselves liked by pretending to more admiration than they feel, instead of to less. The man who once begins to " spoon " soon wecries — the girl knows her power — and is in no hurry to make use of it. I think that the feeling which a girl has for a man who does not disguise his admiration is simply this — " he'll keep." She does not mean to forget him. But new conquests claim her. and she ceases to care for him. But let a man appear cold and indifferent, let the girl have to wait and wait for the long coming and then not extravagant but apparently spontaneous compliment, and it is "a case" with her. Please understand I am not intending to be slangy, anything that approaches to it is unintentional.

I am very roundabout in my explanations, and I do not know if 1 have yet made myself understood that flirts have not only many changes of moods, but that those changes are genuine and sincere. Because it is necessary you should understand this to comprehend the strange use we were able to make of the three names which we each had to the other. When my cousin and I were lively, we were respectively Loo and Fan to each other; when sentimental, sad, and reflective, E#tny and i Etty, with the first syllable long lingered on ;

and when we were in a. course of transition we were Limy and Heni — the first syllable short. I can scarcely describe how effective these weapons were in our hands. Ido not know what it was that, at times, gave my cousin, and at times gave me, the control. We each seemed to know when we ought to have it, and then it was that if I said Loo, Eemy, or Lemy, I would instantly contrdl my cousin's mood ; and if she said Fan, Etty, or Heni, I would immediately succumb to the influence she wielded. The secret, perhaps, of it all was that these names had grown up without arrangement or design to represent feelings. They were instruments we had unconsciously forged But I left my cousin at my fee€-r-exclaim-ing "Ecty" (the first syllable so sadly lingered on) " don't be so unkind as to think me unkind."

"Mv Eeray, forgive my petulance. Poor, poor Eemy, how was it you became such a slave" — -

'• Ah, Heni (she was recovering from her sadness), it is so nice to be a slave. But he is even more a slave — he worships me" 14 But, Eemy, that is just it. How often we have agreed that a man is not worth flirting with who tells us he can only exist in our presence,"

" That is, only as long as our wings remain unsinged. If Harry had been as willing to flirt with me as I with him, I think we should never have learnt to really love. But he understood how to flirt and to be flirted with. He really loved me, he says, from ths first, and by feigning indifference drew me on until, instead of his doubting my power, I doubted mine, nnd became as timid as a fawn in his I deslare I used to stamp with rage and vexation whenl thought after he left me, what a fool and ninny I must have seemed to him— oh, Heni, darling, you must have dore with flirting and get married." ■ '

"Thank you^ Loo (you see I was compelling her to be cheerful and chattj), I am not anxious to feel myself a fool and ninny in any man's society. But what do you mean about giving up flirting — you are surely not going to do so."

(> Indeed I am" (opening her large" blue eyes to their largest and bluest extent.)

"Good gracious, Loo, it is not necessary, because you marry to give up flirting. Look at Mrs De Burgh ; I am sure we have often agreed that she was a more consummate flirt than anytliiug we pretended to "

" Yes, Heni dear (she was approaching the serious again), but I have come to know wherein consisted the difference between her flirting and our?. Iler's was premeditated, ours unpremeditated ; her's was a business, ours a pleasure. She would tell off whole strings ot victims in her mind and bring them down one by one, and leave them as soon as they were winged to recover as best they might;. But we oniy flirted from impulse. We only subjected to our influence those who dared us to the ; trial, but M.-s De Burgh scatters her power about her wherever she goes. I tell you what it is, dear ; there is as much difference between us and her, as between a person who commits — who commits (pausing ii mo rent) — I have it : who commits a justifiable homicide, and one who commits a wilful murder." And she laughed- .in wild glee \ at her successfull simile.

" Lemy, you are moralising, and you know you are — and you have no right ro do so, because you are going to be married, and I am not — and it's all very well to institute such a comparison between Mrs De Burgh and us ; but it does more credit to your head than to your heart. Many a one who had no idea of challenging us, we have not disdained to —

"My darling dearest, how long the time has seemed." — These words were not addressed to me, but to a tall, brown-eyed dis-tinguished-looking fellow, - whose face was literally swathed in whisker, beard, and moustache, who at that moment entered the room. A few momenta were devoted to fond welcoming — and then it was — " Harry I am going to present you to my own dearest friend — you may love her as much as you like and I will not be jealous — Mr X>9gard — Miss St. Maur ;" and dancing round us my now volatile cousin seemed to be delighted with our ceremonious acknowledgment of her free and easy introduction. They tried good naturedly to include me in the conversation for a little while, but I hate to be made the subject of good nature, and so seizing a book, I pretended to be deeply interested in it, whilst they soon forgot my presence. Somehow or another I kept thinking about the profusion of hair on Mr Lsgard's face, and at last, without reflecting on what I was going to say, I laid down my book.

" Mr Legard : I believe it is customary for the bridegroom to kiss the bridesmaids after the ceremony." He looked up surprised, as well he might be — but in a second recovering himself. " I am ' only too glad to find you are aware it is so — depend upon it in my case it shall not be a custom more honored in the breach than the observance."

: " But, you see, there must be two parties to it, and all I can say Mr Legard is I this, that no man with so much hair on his I face as you have shall ever kiss me." You ' know I have told you we were fast and sometimes slangy — but I don't think •£ ever said anything ' louder ' than this ; and 1 had no sooner uttered it and observed Eeray's look of undisguised astonishment than I felt I had put my foot in it, and colored violently. It came to me then as naturally as possible to turn to my cousin a for assistance just as in the old days we had aided each other dozens of times. " Now, Loo, don't look so amazed. 1 declare if you don't take my. part I'll run away."

The dear girl understood me in a moment, and took the battle on herself.

"No one ever ' doubted Fan's taste. 'I think if she considers it better, you might take a little, just a leetle of your beard away." But Mr Letrard, so self-posspssed and so ready on ordinary occasions, appeared to bequite besides himself. He blushed so as to make his whiskers by reflection seem a bright red, instead of tho lovely light auhnrn which they really were. He took a turn up the room, and stopping by Lemv's chair, exclaimed, ." Dearest 'Lily, (that whs the diminutive he had manufactured out, of Emily,') ma> I tell you a tale which will explain to yon why I never shave."

" A tale, a tale — by all means a tale ;" we both joyfully exclaimed.

"It is now eight years since, as a boy of twenty, I was making a pedestrian tour through the north of England. I arrived one, day at a small villaee. 1 observed a barber's* pols attached to a little cottage, the door of which was open. I had not much hair on my face, but the fancy struck me to be shaved. I walked in— a man was sitting in a barber's chair amusing himself with s irring np some soapy paste with a shavings brush. < I wish you to shave mv.m v . hut I will prefer your using my own razor,' I saiH, producing one from the travelling valise I carried on my shoulder. I noticed at the time the eagerness with which he clutched at it, but thought nothing of the rircnmstance. I sat down and he spread a towel upon my chest. Placing my head low on the back of the chair he commenced to soap my face. All this time I had scarcely looked at him. The soaping over, he opened the razir, ani standing^ before me he suddenly gr.ispp.rt my throat as in a vice* holding it back by twining his arm round & portion of the chair. I looked up ; great Heaven of shtll never forget the sight — the man was a raving maniac, tall, powerful, fierce, and desperate — and there he stood, my head helplessly graspei in one hand, the other holdinig the open razor — ' It is a long while' he said with a laugh that curdled my blood, ' since I had such a nice subject — JL will make you the handsomest man in the country. More than half your nose requires to be cut off The eyes want showing more — T must remove the lids ; and your teeth, you have splendid teeth, the upper lip had better be all cut away/ You can scarcely fancy my horror as the maniac utlerel these worrl", with, a determination. that showed he thoroughly meant to give then* eflfect. Instinctively he seemed to grasp me tighter. You h.ive often told me I arr selfpossessed. Lih r , darling. you would see before you a fearfully mutilated face had I not even at twenty acquired some command over myself. Resist \nce, I saw, was useless. The ruffian was already facing on my nose with the fine edge of the razo- the portion he meant to remove. I tried to obtain a respite ' I have heard of your skill,' I said, ' and have conae a long way to claim its ex°rcise. But first, perhaps, you will be so kind as to remove the hair from my chin — to shave me.' • Certainly,' he said, and with rapid movements he proceeded to perform the operation. I He never relaxed his vice-like grasp, but with | unfaltering precision he removed the lather with which he had covered that part of my ace which propsrlv required his manipiladion. The respite was brief — and yet auring it I lived whole years of sgony. Have you ever heard of the tory of the yooh°r officer in India who was playing whist, when a huge serpent, a Cobra di Capello, I think, twined itself round the leg of his chair, and was beginning to coil ronnd his leg. One of his companions observe I it first. He had sufficient presence of mind to know that if his friend moved it would be certain death. % Edward,' he said, laying down Ms cards, 'yo i are the bravest fellow in our regiment, now is the time to show it. Do not stir — for God's sake do not move your left %g — a cobra is coiling round it— wait only two minutes, I will sprinkle milk on the ground, he will leave you — he will not harm you if.you do not move.' The milk was obtained, Edward was motionless, coil after coil was first wound round his leg and then, unwound — little more than two minutes elapsed, when the cry went up ' You are safe — move away.' He did move away — his courage had supported him through theo'deal, but lie moved away a helpless idiot — his brain had sincumbeJ, he never recovered its use. Wag my position less hideous ? I was threatened' with a fate worse than death.' The object of. the madman was to so mutilate my face as to stamp out of it the image God had placed on it. He willed to send ma forth an object of pity and of horror. In those minutes of respite, I cannot tell you the enormity of the dread that seemed to come over me. I thought of myself not as dead, but as converted into a hideous semblance of humanity, from which even my own mother would shrink. Whafe would death be compared with such a livinghell ? I tell you, Lily, this all nonsense now ; years and years have passed away. I have travelled over the world, and seen ad much as most men, and have been in scenes of danger where my life was not worth an hour's purchase, but were I to attain to a length of existence beyond any that has been given to man, I never could shot out from my recollection those two minutes* respite the madman gave me in that little. cottage. But to resume, lie had .finished shaving me — the process of mutilation was to commence. Again he traced, out on the lip and on the nose the portions be meant to eat off. 'Perhaps,' he said, 'you would prefer ay beginning with the eyelids.' Great heavens, no. That was the worst of all. *I felt that the moment he touched my eyes I should taint, and be helpless in his hands. But to resist wooW have been to invite him to insist* ' I thibli*

X Said in tones more cool than I am novr •ble to repeat the words, 'I think it would be well to do the the' — I, could not name a feature, 'the other part first, my eyes might be sore, and I should not be able to admire your handiwork.' 'So be it,' said ' he. Emboldened by this partial success, I went on, < Would you not not prefer to x;ut my hair first.' ' I have no scissors,' he replied. • Will you let me look in the glass at so much of the tracing of your design as yoa have already sketched out.' 'It is a glorious design,' he replied^ with another wild laugh. ' You will go forth a man to whom no other^man can compare ; glorious ia your beauty, but I have no glass.' After a second's pause he continued, * Miad you must pay me well for this. I love money, oh I love money— ryou owe me a peuny for shaving you already.' An instinct came over me. • How much will yon charge for, for — I was going to say mutilating, but I stopped and said — beautifying me.' *How much. Will five shillings be too much ?' ' Yes, too much ; I cannot afford it,' 'Will four?' ' No'nor four.' 'Will three?' ' No, nor three.' c * Well I will do it for two.' ' I will not give you two.' ' Then I will not do it.' I breathed for a moment — but I looked vp — his expression was frightful. 'I will not do it for less than two shillings — at least you shall not live to tnjoy it — I will cut your throat — I will keep your head — I, will preserve it — I will always look at it.' His razor was at my throat. ' You shall have two shillings if I have so much. Open the valise at my back, and take it out.' " For a moment the hand with which he lield my throat relaxed its grasp. Ido not know if he really meant to open the wallet. I <Ud not wait — I started vp — I flew at him — I knocked him down — I seized the razor and flung it away — I howled — I screamed — I knelt on him — I was new the madman. God forgive me ! I "would have killed him I think, but assistance came — I remembered no more. It was four ■weeks before I awoke to consciousness — I was ia a strange room, strange faces were about me — I felt helplessly weak— with difficulty I raised my hand to my head ; the hair was all cut off. An attack of brain fever had supervened ; my life had been despaired of. No oue knew who I was, but those humble villagers had tended me as one of themselves. When I was well the whole mystery was explained to me. The maniac was ordinarily harmless. He was formerly a barber, his madness had followed an accidental blow he had received in a village quarrel. His razors were carefully kept from him, as he had once shown the desire of doing to his own face what mine so narrowly escaped. He was allowed to amuse liimself by mixing soap and water into lather. It was an odd coincidence that his was the Srst place in the village that attracted my notice ; and that I should have supplied him with the instrument which would have helped him to wreak out his mad fury on me. Lily, do not think me unmanly when I tell you, I have never had the courage to shave or allow myself to be shaved sinee — I shudder at the sight of a razor — "

She crept up to him so tenderly. " Dear, dear Harry, how brave yoa were— oh ! it was dreadful, dreadful ; hut I should have loved you just the same, whatever he had done to you "

Even Harry smiled, and I burst out laughing. There was something too absurd in supposing that that brilliant creature would ever have fallen in love with a man without a nose, without eyelids, and whose beautiful teeth were rendered unduly conspicuous by the want of lips. Besides, I had had quite fnough of sentiment and sadness. "Loo," I aid, with my most incisive emphasis, " I do not think Mr Legard need fear that you would cut off his nose or trim his eyelids ; and besides, if you wished to do so, I suppose he would not object. If I were you i would shave him myself — you could leave him two loves of Dundrearies, just such as you like. How beautiful they would look ■waving over his shoulders as he walks out of church to-morrow."

Loo was in ecstacies at the idea. " The very thing Harry. I will shave you myself. I know where papa keeps his razors, and" she finished the sentence outside the room.

Mr Legard looked at me anything but kindly as he murmured in the coldest tone — ! " How grateful I ought to feel to you for your kind suggestion." I bowed and said he was welcome to it, aad told him it ■was not the slightest good being savage with *ne for the more ferocious he was the more I ■would, tease him. Thia brought him to himself, and he promised submission in future. Loo appeared, bearing a large jug of water, a towel, a razor-case, a strop, a shaving brush, an immense pot of shaving soap, and one of lier 6wn cretty little dressing gowns. Harry hardly knew whether to be amused or angry — " What are all these for—you do not mean me to shave in the parlor." " Yes, but I do, or rather Fan and I will ahave you — sit down now like a good boy." ' " But supposing some one comes in—" " TSo one will, I have told the servants •we BTe out to every one — see I will lock the door —and there Harry this ought to reconcile yos, look, I have brought you one of my own •dressing gowns," and she proceeded to twist it round his throat. " I have often seen papa shaved — now Fan v hold the jug, the towel, and the soap, and dip this brush into the hot -water." The paste and brush were applied to Harry's face, but truth was stronger than sentiment, for Harry started up with a roar— ""the water's boiling hot."

"So it is. Oh, how .stupid ! Did I bHrt hia poor facey— facey? Now it's all rightsee, I can bear it on my own." For about a quarter of an hour we tried to rub the lather in, I taking my turn when Loo's arm got tired, and threatening Harry when he opened his lips to remonstrate, that we would put the brush in his mouth. At iast we accorded him permission to utter twelve words, and they came forth like a telegram — "Hair foo thick — lather won't '. penetrate — better thin it first with scissors." " What donkeys we are," said Loo, "Of course, he's right— and he is a good boy. Now I'll get the scissors." A tiny pair of scissors soon maie their appearance — and Harry was subjected to I don't how much torture, for the Ijttle brutes were so small that they tore the hair out rather than cut it. Harry would not say a word for fear Lily should be pained — but she saw him give a start once, and then she thought she was hurting him, and I declare she began to cry. At last a large pair of scissors was obtained, and we cut all the hair that was to come off quite closely, leaving a thick moustache and two beautifully long Dundreary whiskers. "I declare, Fan," said Loo,-" he has a beautiful dimple on his chin — do look here. Oh, you naughty boy, never to tell me of this before." " It's" many years since I saw my chin, I expect the dimple has come since then," rejoined Harry, with grim pleasantry.

We proceeded to apply the soap again, and this time with more success. At last the dreadful moment came, and Loo approached with the open razp»\ A tremendous shudder ran through Harry's immense form. Eeray dropped the razor and burst into tears. " Oh, Harry, I never thought yon would shudder when I approached you," and the poor girl began to sob. Harry had to do no end of pacifying. He swore he shuddered not at her but at the razor — that it was the remains of an old weakness, that she might cut away as she liked, and, finally, he transferred a little of the soap on his face to hers. Then she came to, and I began calling her Loo and she was all right. But I saw she trembled so that she never would be abln to do it. So Harry being told to shut his eyes, she reluctantly gave me the razor, and in no time I performed the operation. When it was all over she clapped her hands with joy. and danced round the room, and told Harry that after all it was I who had shaved him.

I thought up to this lime, I had had the best of the fuo, but now my turn came. Nothing would satisfy Loo but that as he had been shaved expressly to enable him to kiss me on the morrow, he should have one kiss that day. And after I had submitted with the best grace I could to this, Mr Harry began chaffing me — and calling me a barber-ous bridesmaid. And ever after when I attempted to tease him, he would retort in this way, until I declarel almost got nicknamed " The Barber."

But the baiber got me a husband at last. I had been playing fast and loose with Ned Covetdale tor ever such a time. He was desperately in love, but never had the courage to proposa — never foun 1 me he said in the melting mood. But one day when I burst out crying at Harry's teasing, Mr Covetdale took heart of grace and persuaded me (I was very ferocious at the time), to give him in future the right to defend me. That was the way he put it, but though we have been married a long while and been very happy he has never had any necessity to defend me, for I have given up flirting altogether, and so has Eerny.