Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 621, 24 October 1863, Page 7

Varieties.

needle VV ° man ' S P " de a Sailor ' s Guide.—Th«

Charming Creatures.— There are no other creatures in Nature tfiat can charm like women and snakes To Preserve Apple-, from Rotting.-Put them into a Tu,S »'s; 'T eSS - t0 n , kW amfly of children J^ -^ « tanice lot of tim »PS you have got," said Mrs Brown to Mrs Jones-theiatter's chU dren's noses being all turn-ups ! ' Tlie Oldest Husbandry.-Somebody says that the oldest husbandry he knows of fa the marrying of a widower in clover with a widow in weeds

• l, m S K bjecls for D| sc«ssion.~The following subjects have been proposed for discussion by the members of the Anti-Ignorant Institution :-Firit « WWch is the most intelligent the man who 'knows' most! c??w 1 ! c ??V vh ?.J. ias tLe m(Kt 'nose'?" Secondly "What is tlied.ffercnce between the Bridge ofSiS and the size of v. bridge V And, thirdly, " What fa My?'™ 106 n a fScsimile md * **<* Great "Slave" Certificate.- Dear Doctor,— l will be one hundred and seventy-five years old next Octonf'hi °/ Dlliety " fOUI yearsl have been an invalid, unable to move except when stirred wth a lever. But a year ago last Thursday I heard of the graniSnf/ 3 ™^ IbolI S ht a bottle, smelt the cor? and a hali miles an hour, and throw nineteen double somersets without stoppiag.-American Paper ™iU aUk w N f v f °y,--Thcre is a smart newsboy at £2^ffi H $ t0 ° k th^ fctesmpMc headings of the news of the Tennessee battle, and, at his owfi expense had them telegraphed to Port Huron, and the vSS pieces along the rail. On the receipt of such i"wt ererybody was eager to get the full particulars ; 2 the evening tram arrived at the various stations, he SS T W ,f lUm ° Usly awaitin S him * « Q d everybody 111 ' 1 ""—•"•T t2ff ll v- A ?° VCT: r Ahdtom this country enX?,£ U f ° USe rl lcre a e^eman was making a breakiiist of eggs. After eyeing the gentleman a few moments, he alked, « Pleale sir, woukl you Tele to gi' me a pinch of salt." « Cerbunlv, mj i ad ?" swered, <*but what can you want of 'a pinSof salf?" JS?f'T' *"} t , helad ' " J tho^t you mayhap might ask me to have an egg." Struck with the boy's ingenious mode of supplying himself, the gentle man handed him an egg, asking, "Where lo voff come from, my lad ?» *Fra Yoriahire, zuT" y "Taart my business!' as the butcher said to the dog that was killing liis sheep. Why fa a dull and plausible man like an uuriflec* gun ? Because he is a smooth bore. Short-nosed men shouldn't complain if evervbodv snubs them, since Nature herself set the example ffie ancient Greeks buried their dead m 'iars Hence the origin of the expression, 'He's gone to pot. There is a tailor in Blackburn rejoicing in the somewhat discouraguig-to-customers name of Edward Kunint. 'If ever you have a dispute with any one about money, said a seedy fellow to a rich friend, 'just leave it to me.' ' J A merchant, lately advertising for a clerk 'who could bear confinement,' received an answer from one who had been seven years in gaol.' ' Can't you credit me, Mr Butcher, for a little meat this morning?' said Hardup. 'No, you owe me for ™ all^ ad y on y° ur bones.' replied the butcher. Dr. Chalmers once asked a woman what could be done to induce her husbaud to attend kirk. ' I don't know,' she replied, 'unless you were to put a pipe and a pot of pewter in the pew,' A witness at the police court, the other day being asked how long he had known a man, replied,' ' Ever since he turned rascal.' As this was going back further than nny other witness, the testimony was considered decisive. An Important DeoisioD.—The president of a debating society has recently deciJed that the 'milk of human kindness ' was literal-y milk punch, with a little nutmeg in it. Test of a Woman's Wealth.— • Well, Charles, howdo you and the widow progressi and are you quite sure she is as rich as is given out ?' —Why, Harry when she reids a novel, and wishes to stop, she puts a folded new five between the leaves to guide her where to begin again.' GEOGRAPHICAL QUESTIONS. Do the inhabitants of Worsted ever get the better of each other 1 Are there many pedestrians at Worium? Are the people of Wingfield very flichty 1 When is the dry season at Wetting 1 } What is brought from Wellington besides boots ? What is imported from the Carribbees besides honey 1 Are there any honest people at Vilaine 1 Do tho inhabitants in the neighborhood of Vesuvius suffer from eruptions ? Are the natives of Tours of a roaming disposition? Hooke had a recipe of his own to prevent being exposed to the night air. I was very ill;' he said some months ago, and my doctor gave me particular orders not to expose myself to it; so I come up every day to Crockford's, or some other place to dinner and I make it a rule on no account to go home again till about four or five o'clock in the morning." KussrAH Tyranny in Poiand. — The infamous proclamation of General Mouravieff proves' that the v?gue reports of Russian tyranny have not been exaggerated. A body of commissioners is created under the title of circle chiefs, with functions precisely corresponding to those which were vested in the agents ot the Committee of Public Safety during the Reign of Terror. As ia revolutionary France, the delegates of the government are to invite the aid of thß lowest classes, and their guards are to arrest every person of insurrectionary conduct. The circle chiefs are to deprive of all weapons landowners and theic servants, the nobility, tenants, clergy, and convents, and also the inhabitants of the towns, with the exception of native Russians and of trustworthy foreigners. All previous permits to keep arms are summarily cancelled. The priests and superiors of convents receive, as under Jacobin rule, the compliment of special menaces. The property of all persons who have taken part in the rebellion, even "by a generally marked and rebellious tendency," is placed under sequestration. On their estates, the serfs, who are in a transitional state, are at once released from -the payment of th?ir duesj and the rent for which they become liable is to be paid, not to the landlord, but to the government. The Russian oppressor is probably, unaware that his measures I are almost identical with the administration, of France in the days of Robespierre, Carrier, and Lebon. Tyranny is one and the same, whether it is perpetrated in the name of a Republic or under the orders of a legitimate and orthodox Emperor. Th» judgment of posterity has condemned the policy of the war with revolutionary France, and it ia now incumbent upon England to punish the distant orime* of Mouraviefr. It is well that general opinion should denounce the wicked conspiracy of despotism and anarchy against the life of a nation : and yet it mnsfc be confessed that verbal censure will have little oiftct _ oa the polioy of 2,xm»,— Saturday i?mw,