Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 560, 23 August 1862, Page 7

Varieties.

Ink is a caustic which burns oftenest the fingers ot those who use it.

Every art is best taught by example ; good deeds are productive of good friends. Vice stings U3 even io our pleasures ; but virtue consoles us, even in our pain, It is not so much tile finding of a truth, as the honest search for it, that profits us.

Happiness must arise from our own temper and actions, and not immediately from any external conditions.

Jack ought to revive his pig-tail, now he ia to go the whole Hog-in-artnour. There is in the heart of a ■woman such a deep well of love that no age can freeze it.

There is no right enjoyel by man, without involving on his part a corresponding obligation. It is not eminent talent that is require! to ensure success in any pursuit 30 much as purpose. Nature teaches cheei fulness ; she covers even forffotten graves with flowers.

Pleasure itself soon ceases to be pleasure, when there is no object in it but pleasure. Death, to the good man, is the coming of the heart to its blossoming time. Do wo call it dying when the bud bursts into flower !

To vex another is to teach him to vex us again, and injuries awaken revenge, and eveu an ant can sting, and a fly trouble our patience. Scarborough Trade Report. — Crinoline has risen suddenly to a very high point, 1.1 consequence of the late gales. Woman's rights — Man's wrc .3. A Warning to Austria— HuL^ury's epitaph — " Resurgrm."

A stout gentleman and his wife gazing at their children, a pair of twins, who were encircled in each other's arms in the cradle — Wife : Do you look at them, husband ; ain't they a pair of precious lambs? Husband : If they are lambs, wifo, what am I? " You had better ask for manners than money," said a gentleman finely dressed to a beggar who aaked for alms. '' I asked for what you had most of," was the cutting reply. What three words did Adam use when he introduced himself to Eve, and which, read the same backward and forward ? Madam, I'm Adam. A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's bad manners. This life's contradictions are many. Salt water gives us fresh fish, and hot words produce coolness. When a cautious Yorkshireman was iuformed by a betting acquaintance that " his friend the captain," would obligingly hold the stakes, the canny northerner replied, " Aye, aye, that's all very well but who's t' hauld t' captain ?" If we were asked what physician stood at the top of his profession, we should say it was a gentleman who was in the habit of attending patients on a monument.

The reason why children die, says " Hall's Journal of Health," is because they are not taken care of. From the day of birth they are stuffed with food, choked with physic, sloshed with water, suffocated in hot rooms, and steamed with bed clothes.

A Spanish paper says that wolves are abundant in that country. Broadcloth must be in demand there if their wolves, like a good many of ours, are in the habit of wearing sheep's clothing. The female mind is too poetical to be tamely methodical. Who would marry a woman who punctuated her love-letter.

" What do they mean by a cat and dog life ?" said a husband to his angry wife. Look at Carlo and Grimalkin asleep on the rug together. I wished men lived half so peaceably with their wives. " Stop," said the lady ; " tie them together, and then see how they will agree." Britannia's Shield- -The good old lady has sent it to Vulcan to have it instantly iron-plated with good four inch iron plates at least. She has sufficient sense to understand that, if the waves are to be ruled, ifc will be done for the future with an iron ruler. England's best shield is iron. You see Britannia is no fool in the main. — Punch.

Charley Townsend of noble name and notable memory writing to a friend, says — " I cannot go to the opera, because I have foresworn all expense which docs not end in pleasing me." If this were a rule generally followed, and the required means bestowed in judicious efforts for the good of others, what an improved world would it be.

Some graceless scamp lias presumed to say that " it is .woman, and not her wrongs, that ought to be redressed."

An Irishman going to Boston from Lowell took the stqge in preference to the railway, because, he said, he could ride four times as long for the same money. Hobbs says be has one of the most obedient boys in the world. He tells him. to do as he pleases, and he does it without murmuring. " File right," said an officer to his company. " Bedad," rejoined an Irishman, who stood near sharpening his saw, " it's me own property, and I'll be afther doin* as I plase wid it." Snooks called upon the gentleman who advertises to restore oil paintings, and requested him to restore a valuable landscape which was stolen from him two years ago. A milkman may stop daily near the river, and not excite suspicion ; but when we find his Jittle boy fishing for minnows in the milkpans, we begin to have our doubts.

Why is Ireland the most loyal portion of the British dominions ? — Because it is full of Pat-riotism (patriotism.)

An item for husbands— That rascal Gobbler says, " Tell your wife her follies are virtues, and she will soon mend them." Two ways to make fast— " Gum," asked a darkey, *' do you know how dey make the hoss fast in Virginnie?"—" Yes, ob course; dey tie them to de post." " All, Gum, that am one fast, but give him notin' to eat is the oder."

An advertisement setting forth the many conveniences of metal window sashej enumerates as fol - lows— "These sashes will last for ever} and afterwards, if the owner has no use Cor them, they might be sold for old iron." A little boy, a few days since, while coming down stairs, was cautioned by his mother not to lose hia balance. His question which followed was a puzzler : — " Mother, it I was to lose my balance, where would it go to 1"

Accidental oa Malice Prepence? — In one of the Washington churches, recently, a pretty occurrence took place. After service, a young man, who carries the collecting plate, as usual put his hand in his vest pocket to place upon it a piece of money before starting to collect. He dropped, as he supposed, a quarter-dollar on the plate, and, without lookW at it, passed around smongthe congregation. Instead of silver, however, he had inadvertently placed a conversation lozenge in the centre of the plate, and all were astonished at seeing the lozenge with the words staring them in the face, '< Will you marry me?" A Warlike Astro nomek,— General Mitchell has been for years favorably known through the States as a distinguished astronomer, and as President of the Gncinnati Observatory. With the flexibility of his countrymen, he has doffed the toga and assumed the tunic, not without still retaining the impress of habits so quired in his life's pu rauits. An officer lately came into bis presence at an hour later than General Mitchell had named. " Sir, you are lata," exclaimed the General. "Only a few seconds," responded the officer. " Sir, I have been in the habit of computing the value of a hundredth part of a second," retorted the General, shutting up his subordinate finally. Ths Girls op Rome.— They have beautiful teeth, thanks to the purity of the water and the equable climate: large eyes, prodigious quantities of hair, pretty shoulders, admirable; necks, regular, but not ye»y del|cate; festuraa,,JibeJiose wellsbarail, the lips slighsy,djsd£infiu, the complexion fasohiating, superb arms, .plump hands, the. stiture rather (hmnutivei the leg heavy, the foot too short* It ja ; morsi»grea% 1 abtato sw than' Whewrtiwiiu ' !:1 m ' -