Humour.

Otautau Standard and Wallace County Chronicle, Volume XXII, Issue 1101, 2 November 1926, Page 4

Humour.

WASN'T AMBITIOUS.

One afternoon the superintendent of a Sabbath school announced the hymn, ' I waut to be uu augel.' and all those present enthusiastically joined m singing except a Utile boy named Johnny Jones. What's the matter, Johnny . kindly whispered the teacher. Why don't you sing ? Because, was the rather startling rejoinder of Johnny, I don't want to be an angel. Why notl exclaimed the teacher horrified. All them angels have to play on harps, explained Johnny, and I Have ( got all tbe trouble I want now learning to play the piano. Ftom a woman's point of view a man with a broken heart is always more interesting than one with a broken nose. ' The late.t howler describes a problem aa a figure by which you do things which are absurd, and then you prove it. > Author : Have you read my new book 1 Friend : Well, to be candid with you, I think the covers ure too I far apart. At the County Court — Counsel ; I wish my client were here instead of, as I expect, lying m bed. His Honour : Perhaps he is better lying m bed than lying here. In your sermon ,this morning you spoke of a baby as a new wave on the ocean of life. Quit^ so; a poetical figure. Don't you think a ' fresh squall' would have hit the mark better. * Say, are jou the boy I sent with a letter about three weeks ago? Boy:* Yes, sir. Well, why didn't you bring the answer back? Boy: You told me to wait for a reply, and they told me that the man won't be home till next* spring. I once proposed to a girl m a con** servatory. With what result. A lot of expensive plants wer« nipped by frost. There was once a noble old Sioux, Who eloped with the wife of a Jioux, ' When the Jioux tracked them down, In a far distant town' It raised a great how dioux, yioux, dioux. If a man had an arm long enough to touch the sun and burn his^ fingers, said the professor,- be would not feel the pain for 5,692 years. And for how many thousands of yeais could he be heard swearing about it, professer . asked the anxious student m the second row. The two legislators were talking about schools, and found they could not agree on certain matter's pertaining to "education. The argument waxed warmer and warmer. Why, my dear fellow, one finally exclaimed, starting to drive home a point. I have a school m my miud's eye— — . Yes, yes, interrupted tbe other, but remember, that has but one pupil. |

Now, said the physician % to the distinguished poet who bad summoned him, you are not m good form, and I must absolutely forbid all brain work. But doctor, protested the poet, may I not write some verses 1 The doctor laughed. Certainly, he said, write all the verses you want to. ,

A certaip lady called up her grocer by telephone the other morning, aud after she had scolded the man she added : And what's more, the next; order you get from me will be the last. It probably will, madam, said the voice at the other end of tho wire. You ate talking to an under* taker. Jimson bought a business through an agent as a going concern m first* class condition. After six months he failed, but took his trouble lightly. Meeting the agent some time later he said : Do you remember selling me a business as a going concern . Yes, of: coui&e 1 do, replied the agent. Well, said Jimson, it's gone. My dear sir, I am much flattered by your staying to hear the remainder of my story when v ,all the other passengers ran away at the sound of the dinner-bell, said the ocean-going pest to his sole remaining auditor. What ! Has the dinner-bell gone 1 replied the slightly deaf listener, and he went down below m a hurry.