Scissors.

Opunake Times, Volume I, Issue 36, 2 November 1894, Page 4

Scissors.

•' I don't understand what you see in a game of football," she said. " You see stars," replied the new player emphatically. '** Oh, Tom, ihat was abominable of you to eat your little sister's share I " ""Why," said Tom, " didn't you tell me, ma, that I was always to take her part?" " Oh, Arthur, how happy I would be alone with you on a quiet island in the distant ocean." " Have you any other wish, dearest Ella?" "Oh yes, do get me a box for the opera."

" Where is the rector, and what is he doing ? " "He is reading over his sermon of the morrow to acquire fluency in its production." " Oh, I see, a kind of 'practicing what he preaches' system." Jack: "Why don't you go round and thump the stuffing out of that editor for what he said about you in his paper yesterday ? Jim (unconsolable): Ah, my boy, how can I ever do it? Don't you know I have never been introduced to him.

" Do you think your sister likes to have me come here, Jimmy ? " " You bet; you take her to the theatre and bring her chocolates." "I am glad I can make her happy." *' Yes, and the young fellow what she is engaged to don't mind it either, for it saves him that much money toward going to housekeeping." "lam going to enlarge my paper," said the editor to the farmer. "So am I," was the response. " Why, youliaven't got any paper," exclaimed the puzzled editor. "Not like yours, may be, but I have got a note out for £SO, and I have got to enlarge it to £IOO, or sell off half my farm." The first pens were fashioned from reeds, and specimens found in the ruins of Pompii are cut like the quill pens used by our forefathers, with the exception that the nib is much broader. Quill pens were introduced in the seventh century, and Bteel pens in 1803. Some time ago, Miss Mary Day, one of the oldest established London typewriters, started the experiment of taking deaf and dumb persons as pupils. The novel idea has turned out very successful; as, according to Miss Day, deaf and dumb pupils, whose touch is more skilful, make excellent typewriters ; and a large part of typewriting being transcribed from manuscript, their affliction is no disadvantage—rather the contary, as no time is consumed in endless gossip. •• I tell you Brumley, I have married an angel," "Oh, no doubt. Wait until you have been married as long as I have." " She is all smiles, Brumley ; never a cross word. Her voice is as sweet as tbe sound of a harp. Or " " Oh, she reminds you of a harp, does she ? Inside of a year she will remind you of an accordian." " Why of an accordian ? " Because she will make the same noise when you attempt to shut her up." A physician was called in by a foreign family, and prescribed : " One dose to be taken three times a day, in any convenient vehicle." The family looked in the dictionary to get at the meaning of the prescription. They got on well as far as the word " vehicle." To this they found cart, waggon, carriage, wheelbarrow. After a grave consideration they came to the conclusion that the doctor meant that the patient should ride out, and while in the vehicle he should take the physic. The supposed advice was followed to tbe very letter, and in the course of a few weeks the fresh air taken no regularly completely cured the patient.