PUT HIS FOOT IN IT.

Ohinemuri Gazette, Volume XXXII, Issue 4228, 14 February 1921, Page 4

PUT HIS FOOT IN IT.

"I have made it a rule through life," he said at the lunch-table the other day to the man on his left, "never to meddle with another man's business." "That's „ right—perfectly right," was the reply. "But I see you have a new confidential clerk." "Yes, sir—yes." • "He's a bad case. I've seen him tipsy a dozen times, and I wouldn't trust him out of my sight with a threepenny bit. Took him out of charity, eh?" "Well, not altogether, you know. He happens to be niy eldest son." Then there was a period of silence so painful that both wished someone would ygll "Fire!" to break it. "And that stout son of yours— what is he doing?" "He's a hammock tester." First Poet: "The editor kept my poem ten years. Second Ditto: "You're in luck. He didn't keep mine ten minutes!" Colonel (a great sufferer with corns): "Look here, sergeant, I believe you hav^ a man named Smith, who is a chiropodist?" Sergeant: "Misinformed, sir—'e's Church of England." "And why have ytfu never married?" asked Miss Single. "Are you a woman-hater?" "Oh, my, no!" replied Mr. Slip. "You see, I hated to make about a thousand girls unhappy just to make one of them, happy." De Jones (haughtily): el cawn't sqe, me good man, why you should appeal to me for relief." Tramp: "Well, sir.l saw you borrow something-from yer friend down the road, and as we'd both been broke, I thought I'd trust to yer fellow feeling.". Mrs Murphy had received a cablegram from her son in India saying that he would be home shortly. She showed it to her neighbour, Mrs. Casey. "Wonderful qnick things these telegraphs, ain't they?" „ said Mrs. Casey. . "Quick ain't the word for it; the gum ain't dry yet what's on the envelope." "What did Noah live on when the flood had subsided and his provisions in the ark were exhausted?" asked a Sunday-school teacher* • of the class one Sunday. "I know," squeaked a little girl, aftre all the others had given it up. "Well, what " inquire dthe teacher. "Dry land," said the child wJsely, and the answer passed. "Why do you ask me for my autograph?" asked the poet, who liked to hear words of praise. "Becaijse you are the only one who can write it," said the applicant meekly. Watts: "I wonder if dyeing' one's hair is really as dangerous as the doctors say." N. Peclc: "You bet it is. An old uncle of mine- tried it once, and in less than three months he was married to a widow with four children." "Father," said the sharp small boy, "I sa. 1/ a, deaf and dumb beggar in the -straet this niorning, and ho had an impediment • in liis speech." "A deaf and dumb man -with an impediment in his speech!" excjaitnccl father. "' Don't talk nonsense." "But-he hul father," insisted tlie boy; "one of his middle fingers was missing."

HAINKH—4I.