AMERICAN RUMOUR.

Ohinemuri Gazette, Volume XXIX, Issue 3940, 5 July 1918, Page 4

AMERICAN RUMOUR.

At Night. "A woman's crowning glory is her hair," Has often been said At nig-ht you'll find it lying every* where But on her head. : * * * » m Haif-TraJried.—Minister: "Young man, do you know how to dance?" Young: Man: "Well, parson, I know the holds, but I don't know the steps.'' * * » # * His Flnß.-^"What punishment did tkfct defaulting banker get?" "I understand his lawyer charged him 40;000doL" • • ■ ■ * Easier—Elsie: "After I wash my face I look in the mirror to see if it's clean. Don't you?'* Bobby: "Don't have to. I look at the towel.'* i. •■*■■•'■ Unconqju«r«Ml.-Youngleigh (in art museum): "I wonder why Victory is represented as a female?" Wedmore: "It's plain to be seen you're not married." * * * « # Too Late—Briggs: "Everybody . should lay up something for a rainy day." Griggs: "True 1 But too many wait until it begins to sprinkle before starting to do so." *•« « » # _ Real Proof.—"That," said Mr. Dujtin Stax, "is a magnificent art treasure." "How do you know? By the pain ter's signature?" "No. By my own signature on th(j cheque I gave the dealer." ***** No Likeness.—"Geese are supposed to be symbolic of all that is foolish." "Well, go on." "But you never see an old gander hoard up a million kernals of corn and then go around trying to mate with-a gosling." ♦ * # * # Practical.—"Yes, my friend, I was about to marry the Countess when I suddenly learned that she spent more I than 12 J ooodol. a year on her dressmaker." "Then what did you do?" "Married the dressmaker." * * * # « Eloquent.—"Breddren an' sistern," said the old coloured preacher, "I'se gwine to preach a powahful sermon dis mawnin'. I'se g\vine to define de undefinable. I'se going to explain de unexplainable, an' I'se gwine to unscrew de unscrutable." ♦ it * * * Whore It Began—The building of the Tower of Babel was progressing nicely when suddenly some one asked: "How are we going to solve the trust Question ?" Thence" arose such a confusion of tongues that no one has been able to understand any one else ever since. ***** Juvenile Wisdom.—"Papa, how many men have been Presidents of the Unitfed States?" "Twenty six, I think, Kitty." "How many of them are alive now?" "Two." "Why, it's almost certain death 1, isn't it!" • ***.« immune.—The Hon. Tim Sullivan of Tammany fame tells of a young philosopher he encountered not long ago on the street.' This lad was of diminutive size, and carried under his arm such a load of newspapers that the Hon. Tim was moved to pity. "Son," asked the Tammanyite, "don't all those papers make you tired?" "Nope," cheerfully replied the bit of humanity; "I can't read." * * * * * Patriotic. —Mr. Bryce tells a brief story to illustrate the exalted opinion that he thinks Americans generally have of their nationality. It was in a schoolroom, and during a review of history since the> creation. • "Who was the first man?" the examining teacher asked. "Washington," hastily replied a bright boy, quoting a familiar slogan, "first in war, first in peace, first " "Wrong. Adam was the first man." ■ "Oh," the pupil sniffed disgustedly, "if you are talking about foreigners " ***** Why Consider Them?—"l think the school teachers in this town ought to get more money than they do." "What put that kind of an idea in your head?" "Why should we expect the peopla who are educating our children to work for 70dol. or 80dol. a month, when we pay our chauffeurs at least lOOdol., and furnish them with board and lodging besidest" - "But what does school teachin* ■ amount to, anyhow? Look at most of the teachers. They ain't got nothin* but education." • * # # * Up to Date.—Mrs. Gadder: "What do you know about these people who have moved in across the way?" Mrs. Homer: "Not a thing, except that their name is Gimpus, the mas works in an office down-town, tht» woman gives music lessons, they take their dinner twice a week at a restaurant, have their washing done away from the house, and the plumber has been there twice in the last four days to mend leaks in the water pipes That's the way they usually print o conversation of this kind in the papers., you know, and I don't want to appear to be a back number."— "Chicago Tribune."