THE COMMON ROUND

Otago Daily Times, Issue 23704, 11 January 1939, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND

By Wayfarer. Before we go any further in disclosing our plans for reorganising the country during the coming months, we must deal briefly with our New Year greetings, which have poured in from all corners of the civilised world, and also from Germany, Italy, and Japan. These have proved most gratifying to us, following a trying year, in which we feel that only our undeviating inattention to the political situation kept our fair Dominion out of even more serious trouble than it is already in. It just shows, really, how one’s little efforts are appreciated, especially by people who don’t know any better. Among the goodwill greetings which have encouraged us in our labours, we prize none more highly than those received only last Saturday while we were in our bath (or was it the Saturday before?—at any rate it was our bath night) from a Very Important Personage. It reads as follows: From Mr N-vi-le Cha-berl-in: The Rt. Hon. the Prime Minister desires me to acknowledge your favour of recent date. I am instructed to inform you that he is unable to entertain your request for the loan of a fiver (£5) owing to the heavy prior demands which are being made on the Exchequer by the Government of Czechoslovakia. And thio flattering eulogy definitely cheered us, just when we felt in need of a little enlightening influence, the New Year plum pudding having proved a trifle more doughy than our pocket book this festive season: From Signor Mus—li-i: Zebaglioni giovanezza minestrone gio to blazo u silio asso. Unfortunately a translation cannot at present be supplied, but we may say that we take particularly kindly the inquiry as to our Uncle Charles’s government, which to tell the truth had us rather worried on Tuesday last, when he fell down the steps to his wine cellar and we weren’t even sure whether he’d made a will in our favour. Then there is a rather touching little tribute which was actually brought to our door by a High Official of the Court in person immediately after the holidays: From a prominent Dunedin businessman: Dear Sir,—lt is with regret that we observe that you have not replied to our letters of July 30, August 29, September 30, and subsequent dates asking for an immediate settlement. . Well, the rest of this communication happens to be of rather an intimate nature, and we are afraid we cannot share it with our readers, but they will appreciate how pleased we are to know that even in the midst of preparations for the New Year, and with their import licences to be obtained, the great commercial houses of the city have time to spare a thought for our humble self. Among the many other complimentary messages we have received, we should lijse very briefly to acknowledge the following:— From an Old Friend: Asking us whether it would be convenient to return the book on How to Destroy Borer which he lent us a couple of years ago. To him we have to reply that unfortunately the borer have destroyed the book, but we can send him the borer if he likes. ..... ~ From his Worship the M-yor: Request for a recipe for evicting moths from the ermine border of the M-yoral robes. The only suggestion we can offer is that the council chambers and contents be thoroughly fumigated with tear gas. For crying out loud! From the Chief Traf-ic Inspe-t-r: A nice little greetings slip with an adhesive under-side. Thanks a lot, pal, and may all your convictions be small ones. From Herr H-tler: A gift of boloney which we have already acknowledged with the popular Nazi greeting: Aryan go Blah! There is a host of other communications from Really Prominent People, to which wb cannot find time to reply individually, but we can assure them that we wish them the same with tin cans tied to their tails. Mention of the Import Regulations reminds us that we spent a profitable ten minutes the other morning thinking up a few more importations to this country which we consider might very well be added to the banned list. Perpend: 1. Bagpipes and Haggis. 2. Scots accents. 3. Tourists who (a) say it’s a wonderful little country; (b) declare that the hotels are excellent and/or awful; (c) can’t get a drink after hours

(they should learn to find their way about): (d).find the scenery reminds them of the Lakes District (or Switzerland, or the Norwegian fiords, or Wigan, or Iceland, or Flapdoodle-on-Puddle. Or the Tyrol, or the Bavarian Alps, or Heaven). We don’t believe they’ve ever been there, or that they’ll ever get there, particularly to the last-named. 4. Radio serials. 5. Women’s hats with those fol-de-rols stuck around the crown which poke into our eyes in the train. 6. Sweepstakes tickets with the wrong number on them. 7 Missionaries from the Islands, who are always passing round the hat. 8. Advocates of Communism. Fascism. Social Credit. Democracy, health exercises. Socialism, Pacifism, Militarism, -isms of any other kind, and vegetarian diets. 9. Prohibitionists and inebriates. 10. Golfers who go round in three under oar. 11. Peregrinating Politicians. 12. Peregrinating Politicians. We may add that we were most gratified to note among the banned imports this item: “English vyces.” There was obviously no need for them when we New Zealanders already have n 6 many nyce vyces of our own.

The Tailors of Tooley street who, it may be recalled, commenced a petition with the resounding declaration “ We. the people of England

. .” must look to their laurels. Of a London meeting which was called with the object of starting a new political group we are informed: The formation was suggested of a bodv to be called “The Hundred Thousand.” 'based on the articles of faith beginning: “We When asked who “we ” were. Mr Sandys replied: "The statement was drawn up by several people whose names cannot be disclosed.” This is an excellent beginning. Most nuts from little meetings grow, and if one is bent upon starting a new political family tree it is as well not to let the public twig which way one is inclined.

Seriously, though, there’s much to be said for what we might call the Hush-Tush school of politics. There’s nothing like several names to start a party, even if they are undisclosed, and we are emboldened by the fearless revelations of Mr Sandys to announce the formation of a new group in New Zealand. Unfortunately, we cannot, at this

juncture, disclose just exactly who is responsible for it, but we can assert without fear of contradiction that it consists of at least one wellknown columnist, or possibly almost several of him. The aims of the party it is not permissible to state just at the moment, but we are fairly safe in predicting that they may be several, including keeping the aims an absolute secret and the absolute denial of any aims whatsoever. Already it has been suggested that the party, if it is formed, should issue eleven articles of faith (that’s one up on Mr Sandys, by Jove!) beginning: “Us the popula-

tion of Dunedin. . . .” However, intending members are advised to be patient, as us doesn’t yet quite know what us wants to hold a party for.

Members of the new Rumanian Totalitarian Party will greet each other with the Roman salute and the word “ Health.” We have to confess, all the same, that we have never considered Totalitarianism particularly healthy.

In a broadcast the new Premier of Iraq said that if the State wishes to be democratic there must be an effective Parliamentary Opposition and freedom of the press. In that event we’re afraid that Hit and Muss will have to write of Iraq as a Totalitarian loss.

“ The ways of previous Governments,” said Mr Savage, “ were to blunder along in the hope that the right thing would turn up. We are going to make the right thing turn up.” The very vfords we used, we recall despondently, when we did in our last ten bob at the two-up school.

“We will make mistakes,” he added, “ but we will make other things, too.” Errors, perhaps?