THE COMMON ROUND

Otago Daily Times, Issue 23321, 13 October 1937, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND

By Wayfarer

There touched briefly at Auckland the other day a Hungarian caricaturist who spoke more truly than he knew. Excerpt: Mr Savage could become the greatest laugh-maker in the history of New Zealand. If I were he I would create a Ministry of Humour

to cultivate good cheer from every angle. We cannot but observe, in fairness to the Prime Minister, that he has not entirely neglected this department of government. There is, as well-informed citizens may be aware, a Ministry, and that not without its humorous aspect; and there have been a few hearty laughs for which we have to thank Mr Savage—but the trouble is that the laughs almost invariably have been on us.

The best type of humour is not exemplified by that grim, sardonic croak with which one inspects one’s income tax demand; or the sour smile wherewith one recalls the present Government’s pre-election promises regarding the exchange rate, the sales tax and the abolition of unemployment. These matters are amusing enough in their way, but we like to think that Mr Savage and his colleagues, some of whom are certainly cut out to be comedians, could provide us -with more amusing subjects than these if they tried. In fact, considering the number of laughs they’ve given us without trying, we’re sure they could

Take the parliamentary debates, for instance. It is expected of such that there should be an occasional display of pyrotechnics, but how rarely do we hear a brisk, crackling fire coming through our radio when it is tuned in on Wellington? The answer is, Never, unless there is static in the airl And we are entitled to expect, surely, that when the best-paid debating teams in the country get together the verbal acrobatics should amaze us. But the truth, if it must be told, is that if we are amazed at Parliament it is not on that account.

The remedy which a Ministry of Humour might well apply is to meet our expectations with the actuality If. for instance, honourable members are unable to make an enlivening verbal display, they could provide a factual one. Basket bombs, a few double-bangers, a set piece framing the Front Benches, and set off by the Clerk o*f Parliaments when the gallery is well filled and things seem a trifle dull would serve to brighten the constituency very considerably, and would cost much less than a week of words.

If linguistic acrobatics are beyond the reach of honourable members, a flying trapeze need not be, if it were swung from the rafters enticingly above their heads. Is it not possible to imagine a happy scene, with Mr Hamilton and Mr Savage, arms locked and heads together (a bright and novel feature in itself) supporting, say, the honourable the Minister of Public Works, who poses upon their shoulders in his usual striking manner moustache rampant, while the member for Mataura. in a Highland costume, swings gracefully above? Or might we not settle disputes in a temporarily-erected ring on the floor of the House, where honourable members could take turns (Mr Speaker refereeing and no holds barred) in showing their prowess as legislators?

And now we must protest against any implication that because a correspondent has sent us a folder entitled “The Secrets of Fascination, Charm and Attraction.” we are in need of it. Our charm is our own. A delicate flower, this subtle something which so attracts us to ourself; one that must be kindly nurtured and gently handled; not to be taken out and displayed for the gaze of the vulgar world. But, very definitely, we can assure our correspondent (who obviously has not met us. or could not make such an error) that of Fascination, Charm and Attraction we have all we require to-day thank you.

No later than this morning, before the pamphlet was delivered, we were communing with ourself before the mirror and had just reached this conclusion, not for the first time “Wafe, old man.” we had told ourself. “ you can call it what you like, this strange power you have, that holds you steadfast and magnetised before the glass, but you’ve sure got it.” And we have no reason to think it has been dissipated since then. No, no! We know how to value our charm, and preserve it. We never give any of it away.

Our attention has been caught by a little experiment at the Warsaw Polytechnic, which is worth looking into; To-morrow Warsaw University will have seats numbered, in which the students will sit according to identity cards. The numbers for Ayrans will all be even, occupying half the room, while the Jews will have all odd numbers and occupy the remainder. No doubt other schools in Poland will act likewise.

Possibly the system will be adopted

in omnibuses, trains and theatres. Here, certainly, is something for our Government to consider adopting, with such modifications as are suited to the terms of race and aristocracy in New Zealand.

There can be no question in the mind of any of our millionaires nowadays (we do not speak from experience, however) when they pay their wages tax and chip in with the tax on income other than wages, that the sustenance man is the only true aristocrat in the Dominion His privileges are positively Sybaritic The lily is a toil-worn cabbage when compared with him. for it at least must dig into the ground if it wishes to grow, but to a sustenance man the idea of digging is inconceivable.

Here is a class to whom all is given, and it is proper that we should make the gift ungrudgingly Yet what do we find? When our millionaire totters from the taxation offices and stumbles blindly to a seat in the Queen’s Gardens, as like as not he will thrust his presence upon that same bench upon which the unemployed are lordlily taking their morning exercise. So. to prevent their contamination by those who toil, we would suggest a reallocation of these benches. Let the local millionaires declare their contemptible station upon a seat provided for their reception, plainly branded: ‘ For Taxpayers Only ” (and let the seats be hard and uncharitable, for this is the ireatment to which the person of the taxpayer is accustomed) And for the new leisured masses let us have couches under the shadiest with rests for their feet, and cushions for their heads, and upholstery of the most apolaustic type and degree And on these couches let there be graven the words: "Abandon work, all ye who linger here.”

The Italian press treats Mr Neville Chamberlain’s Scarborough speech

coldly. Presumably because he made it a bit hot for Italy.

Admiral Mitsumara Yonai has given the gold crowns from his teeth to the navy fund That will be one Japanese whose bark will be worse than his bite

Following an investigation it is not clear what it was that endeavoured to torpedo a British vessel in the Mediterranean but it may have been a porpoise Evidently a porpoise with a purpose.