THE COMMON ROUND

Otago Daily Times, Issue 21827, 14 December 1932, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND

By Watfaker,

Let us sing the praises of Mr Garner of America, the Nero of the hour. After reiterating that the Congress would never consent to the request of Great Britain for the suspension of the war debt instalment he added: “I have not read this latest Note from Britain. I haven’t had time. I am too busy with beer.” Nations are groaning 'Neath their weight of debt, A world in utter turmoil Seeks salvation : Banks totter. Empires quail. And yet— A statesman makes his peroration; “ Too busy with beer." And so may we When our short day la set, And we are on the road To our damnation : Resist the call, Excuse ourself, And set This legend down in explanation : " Too busy with beer.” If our metre appears shaky, the same can be said of Mr Garner’s logic. The truth is, too many of us have heard, or received, or given the same explanation, and it will be too frequently repeated in the brewery, in the bar room, on the telephone, and in the police court, between now and the Day of ’ Judgment to have any virtue of originality as the bon mot of a United States diplomat of the twentieth century. The British Note will probably be recalled by historians when Mr Garner’s distinguished comment on it is forgotten. It takes a poet to say something memorable in such circumstances as that in which Mr Garner suggested he had been surprised. Excerpt: — After an hilarious evening spent in the rooms of Tom Campbell, the poet of “Ye Mariners of England” and “ Hohenlinden,” Charles Lamb, in negotiating the stairs, lost his footing and descended with considerable noise to the bottom. “ Hallo! ” called Campbell over the banisters, “Who’s that?” “I, sir, rolling rapidly! ” replied Lamb. . . .

Simultaneously comes news from Warsaw of a relevant nature, a reminder that it is not in literary circles alone, nor solely in the society of statesmen and restaurateurs, that the subject under discussion receives attention. Perpend:— Poland is seeking a teetotal hangman. The last holder of the office was dismissed for drunkenness while on duty. Arthur Braun, who was appointed, with his two assistants adjourned to a public house to celebrate their good fortune. The three men were soon very drunk and beat the occupants of the bar with brandy bottles. Many hangmen, the Daily Mail informs us, have been barbers, probably because the verbal association of their professional title with the barbarous nature of this side-line was irresistible. We can understand that they • might well add bar-frequenting to the list of their qualifications. But even the executioner who would ply his trade out of hours in a pub is not always immune from retaliatory measures. To the epic quoted above there is an addendum, or else it is an unbiased version of the same story: — Believing that the hangman, Arthur Braun, and his two assistants had gone into a night club to celebrate a double execution they had performed, the revellers attacked them viciously and tried to hang the hangman. Really, the executioners explained to the authorities, they had only gone to the place for stimulant. They protested that nobody could follow their gruesome profession without drink. Once more we must protest that it’s a specious excuse. The man who is in a position to be able to make it should despise its invocation, for he has imbibed of strength and courage:— Sure his Ups Have drunk of Kaf’s dark fountain, and he comes Strong In his Immortality. . . . The, executioner, most of all, shoqld by his acquaintance with its antithesis which he administers appreciate the significance of tills draught, not seek to break it down by mixing in the waters of Lethe and the spirit of Cognac.

Anthony, if we remember aright, was known to preside over the Homan Senate when so well wined that it was necessary to hold him upright in his seat, so perhaps there is some excuse for a mere executioner. Most of them, however, have quitted their posts less gloriously than, we assume, the Polish practitioner. The .English hangman recently executed himself after experimenting successfully upon 203 subjects, and James Berry, whose record was marred by the refusal of John Lee, “ the man they could not hang,” to succumb to his ultimate art, took to religion. We prefer to remember the calm and amiable William Marwood, who regarded his mission with a gentle detachment. Excerpt; — It was he who hanged Charles Peace. Of this execution Marwood afterwards said, “ I quite expected difficulty with Peace—he had been a desperate man—but, bless you, sir, he passed away like a summer heve.” But since our immediate concern is with the cost of living rather than the price we must eventually pay for it, perhaps a few more cheerful thoughts will be acceptable. The contemplation of food is, generally speaking, more engaging than the calculation of the cost of°it, U and especially is this the case ten days before Christmas, for the latter must be reckoned before the former is reckoned wifli, to the serious dislocation of the masculine pocket-book and the severe taxation of the ingenuity and culinary capacity of the housewife. But let us console ourselves as we may with the thought that the good old days were also the dear old days—that we may still dine as well as did a belted carl of the sixteenth century and at less cost: — Prom the domestic accounts of the Earl of Dysart, who died in 1770, it appears that rea was ICs a > pound, coffee (is Sd, dried apricots Cs, mackerel is each, “ colly ” flowers Is each, and rabbits Is each. Twopence worth of dried apricots eaten in their contracted state for breakfast, wo may mention, in case we have previously neglected to do so, will provide an adequate lunch if the consumer drinks a glass of warm water at midday —he can then keep his Christmas expenditure on eatables at the twopenny mark by going out to dine with friends.

The Pahiatua railway bridge was the first to be opened in New Zealand by means of an electrical device for severing the ribbon. In Australia, of course, they prefer an old-fashioned de Groot for’this purpose. At a banquet afterwards the Prime Minister emphasised the need for cutting down overhead costs. Civil servants will be relieved to hear that_ he has not, as yet, found any electrical device to assist him, but must rely on the old-fashioned Parliament. A correspondent complains that a florin he received in change the other day broke in half. Just too bad! “ Freezing Dispute.” At any rate it’s a change from the usual heated variety. His greatest offence, said counsel, was that he went to Parliament House in a bathing suit. He evidently .failed to realise the dry nature of a debate. “ A White Elephant.—Discovery in South India.” Closely preceding, we trust, the discovery of one in America named War Debts.