ON THE DEATH OF MY LITTLE JOKE.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 19783, 7 May 1926, Page 12

ON THE DEATH OF MY LITTLE JOKE.

a L AMENT IN THE QUASI-POETI-CAL MANNER. (By Kathleen O’Brien, in the Daily Chronicle.)’ I jjiade It was not a very good joke. Home people, envious and little people, might have said it was rather a poor joke. But it was mine. I gave it life, form, and the small vitality it had. There was none but me in a hard, cold world to cherish my poor little joke. This was My joke. Aunt Jezebef, who was sitting next to me at lunch, turned to me and said: ■“I wonder why theatrical managers do not take steps to abolish the pitqueue system ? ” I replied: “ Sheer queue-pit-ity, I expect. Aunt Jezebel.” (You see it, don’t you? Pit-queue . . . queue-pit-ity. . . cupidity. Cupidity: avarice, covetousness. Queue: the collective name for the long-suffer-ing, patient people, of whom I am frequently one, who wait at the doors of the pit. Pit: that portion of a theatre reserved for the best-mannered and the most intelligent section of the audience.) Aunt Jezebel, who is growing rather deaf, turned to me and said: “ What did you say, dear ? ” I replied, a little louder: “Sheer I expect, Aunt Jezebel.” Uncle Rameses, opposite, lifted his eartrumpet and said: “ What’s that ? What’s that ? Whose sheer stupidity ? ” Aunt Jezebel said: “Poor Rameses! How deaf he is getting. Tell him, dear, whftt you said—something about the year’s humidity, wasn’t it?” I said, raising my voide: “We were Talking about the Theatrical Queue System, Uncle Rameses. 1 only said it was sheer Queue-pit-ity.” Uncle Rameses, turning to Cousin Ahab, who sat beside him, said: “ What does she say ? ”, Cousin Ahab said, shouting into Uncle Rameses’s ear-trumpet: “ She was talking about the ecclesiastical pew system. She said it was sheer futility.” Uncle Lucifer, at the end of the table, said: “What nonsense! I consider it the backbone of the British Empire! What do you say, Rameses?” Uncle Rameses replied: “ I entirely agree with you, Lucifer. I don’t know what these young people arc coming to. Don’t seem to have any guts nowadays. When I was at Cambridge we didn’t consider it too antischolastical.” Cousin Ahab said: “What?” Uncle Rameses answered: “ The Blue system, of course.” Cousin Ahab screamed down his eartrumpet: “They weren’t talking about the Blue system.” Uncle Rameses replied testily: “ That’s right. Tell me I’m getting deaf. If that wasn’t what Lucifer was talking about, what was it?” Uncle Lucifer replied: “Something someone said about the ecclesiastical [tew system.” I said, in a small, tired voice: “ It wasn’t quite that, Uncle Lucifer. Aunt Jezebel mentioned the theatrical queue system. I said I thought it was sheer queue-pit-ity. That was all.” Uncle Lucifer answered: “Oh, the theatre! Never go myself. Last thing I saw was ‘The Merchant of Venice,’ with Irving. Marvellous as Lago.” Cousin Ahab said snappily: “ lago isn’t in ‘ The Merchant of Venice.’ ” Uncle Lucifer replied irritably: “ Didn’t say he was, did I? ” * Great-aunt Boadicea, sitting next to Uncle Lucifer, woke up smuldenly, and said crossly: “ I do wish you wouldn’t shout so, Lucifer. Who’s invented a collapsible pew system ? ” Kind Aunt Jezebel, sensing a family breeze, said pacifyingly: “ Come, come! Don’t let's quarrel. Let’s change the subject. By the way, dear, I meant to ask yon, as I believe you are interested in these matters; why don’t theatrical managers take steps to abolish the pit-queue system?” I replied lifelessly: “ I don’t know, Aunt Jezebel. I expect they find it pays.” bo it was that, deep in my suffering heart, I buried my poor, slain little joke. I stood by its graveside in my heart, I planted oyer it amaranth ami rosemary. I said: “Farewell, little ioke! Never again! ” Although it is true that I have expectations from Aunt Jezebel, Uncles Raineses and Lucifer, Connsin Ahab, and possibly from Great-aunt Boadicea, I do not think they should have taken advantage of tiffs to kill so remorselessly, with so little display of feeling, My own, cherished, innocent e Little tJ o k t?.