THE COMMON ROUND.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 19136, 2 April 1924, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND.

By Witiuheu. Prohibition has not been carried as yet, but Dunedin is a ‘"dry” district. It looks as though “Adam’s wine’’ might soon be as costly as whisky. Two or three nights ago 1 returned to my bedroom and turned on the common or garden electric light. Then in a moment a guilty thrill ran through me, and turned it. off, the oppression of my private, public, and municipal responsibilities weighing heavily upon mv tired mind. Stealthily 1 disrobed myself, gropingly I found my way to the virtuous couch, and lay down with a superb consciousness of duty done. Surely 1 had conserved at least a millionth part of a teaspoonful for the reservoirs. It is true that 1 forgot about it the next night ; but Mr Tapley will admit that 1 d’d my infinitesimal bit to improve the nonwatery situation. Of course, on Wednesday, Common Round day. when you read these ingenuous paragraphs, it may be raining like cats and dogs (Why cats, and why dogs) I haven’t the slightest idea. The ong’n of the phrase is “wrop in mystery. ) As Calverly remarked, Up whs as mad as any hatter,— Why hatters as a race arc mad I do not know, nor does it mailer. Apologies for that parenthetic digression. As i was about to say. if there is a deluge of rum on Wednesday, please to i eimunber that this is April’s Fool s season, and that all remarks have to be laKen 'n an irresponsible carnival spirit. As regards the prevalent avidity, it is not many hours since 1 overheard a man saying that It was confoundedly dry and a long time between drinks. “Confoundedly?” Well, perhaps it was a rather stronger word, which 1 have

euphemistically modified. If anyone should cons der the modification itself to ho too emphatic, 1 appeal to -Mr Massey, who has given “confounded” the imprimatur of Ministerial sanction. Mr Massey, in the course of his tour in Franklin electorate last week, again made reference to the unfortunate effect , tho Br.tish elections hud had upon the work of the Imperial Conference. “We tried to Advance the very important principle of Empire preference, and I am sorry to say we did not get very far, because that confounded election came along in England, contrary to my wishes. I may say that if it had depended on rue there would have been no election in England. They could have gone on very well without it.” ' It is not for me to pronounce judgment on Mr Massey’s views, on Home politics. It may he that bis opinion concerning “that confounded election" would have been different if the results had been different. The King has created a precedent by figuring on the Great Seal of Britain as an admiral standing on the deck of a battleship instead of seated on horseback, as all the Monarch* have done since the Norman Conquest. A precedent ?—yes, but precedents may bo very much belated. The Norman Conquest was not yesterday. At school 1 used to know the date, —1066 was it? or 6611? or neither?—well, choose your own Confounded date, as Mr Massey might say. Anyhow, if the representations on the Great Seal are to lie altered, the King should bo figured as piloting an airelnp, not as an admiral standing on the deck of a battleship. Sir Percy Scott will surely have something to say on this current issue. As for tho poor dear old war-horse, his martial days are evidently over. His most magnificent eulogies arc described in a passage of the Book of Job, which I will quote,—but no! there is never a Bible handy when I want one.

Wo have had the narrowest escape, the closest shave; and yet, with our inveterate lark of intclHgent perception, wb do not, peihans never shall, fully realise the horrors of the peril from which Gods Own Country was once rescued. We have a Professor Piekerill of our own, who, for pur good, tells lurid stories about the conditions of the Dunedin Dental School; but, iu point of trag'C suggestion, he is an infant as compared with a professor nearly his namesake, in London.

Professor Pickering said that when the moon's birth occurred the earth was already solid. The moon tore itself away from the Pacific and the northern portion of New Zealand was the last point of contact. Three-quarters of the earth’s surface, 35 miles deep, was carried away in a. trailing mass of ruin. New Zealand was just saved. But it would not he justifiable to assume that the Man ,in the Moon is a Maori.

Not so sure about that last point. More than once going home in the wee sraa’ flours, I have looked up to the lunar glory and seemed to detect, in a variegated omiier, the bronzed face of—but I never can spell the Maori names.

Mere lovers’ tiffs!—at least let us hope so. At more than one meeting on Monday there was a little fridtion,—a regrettable incident or two. At the Overseas Club, for instance; —

Mr De Spong made a number of interjections during Mr Barrowclough's remarks, and the latter commented that Mr Do Spong’s density was evidently as great as his sense of grievance. Mr De Spong rose again, and he and the chairman did a little waving of arms towards each other. The Chairman: Please sit down, Mr De Spong; 1 can't allow you to make a speech on the subject. Mr Do Spong: May I make an explanation ? The Chairman: No!

Mr De Spong (rapidly): All the figures I have mentioned are to be seen in your balance sheet. 1 like that ‘’rapidly.” How often have some of us been glad to get in an impetuously rapid remark at the end of a conversation or discussion, just to deprive the chairman of the chance to wave us down, —just to defeat his final “No”!

Also there was a hint (to put it mildly) of trouble at the annual meeting of the ” Soccer ” Association. This matter can be easily settled; or, at. least, judgmfnt, mav ke deferred indefinitely, Whv?—well, because obviously there 'is to be no football this year. You may hold meetings galore, but you can’t play football in midsummer weather. We were told on Monday that a season of brilliant and record-breaking cricket had ended. Ended?—once again, why? If there ii to l:o no winter, what occasion is there for a cessation of summer pastimes? Let Rugger and Soccer go hang, and let the centuries continue to be piled up, until (with fair fortune) winter breaks out somewhere about next Christmas. • Meanwhile, we might FPfTTI |o be living, with the war-wearied King, in

The, island-valley of Avilion. here fa Is nor rain nor hail nor any snow, X,:r ever wind blows loudlv.

Ray. pay, pay! There was no sign of friction or controversy at the meeting of the FalEn Soldiers’ ; Memorial Executive on Monday (please note my consistent refusal to use the term “War” Memorial) —but there was something more than a hint that payment, payment, payment was still renuired. Hr Gordon Macdonald remarked that “ the executive had £ cp oo in hand, and nut of that £2OOO would be spent in preliminary expenses, leavin" £30 n O. yet the sum of £BOOO was wanted before the contract should be pi'Oied. The whole matter was surrounded hv grave difficulties, and had set him thinking very seriously.” One Inst effort, then, to save shame on Anzac Hay 1

Napoleon 1. chose the busy bee as a nnhonn' emblem. “ It, was not inannrorwnt >.” observes a writer in the Nineteenth Feature, “ for a .sovereign who was i'l-TiM" of rennsn o' pleasure, but the o-UentaMou-- .vtivifv of that nestilent insert was inappropriate to France linger hrmnier circumstances.” A New Yor' r r intimates the development o r a s--.-irs of busy bee without a “ bpv ness" pvt.i-emitv.—“a new tvpe of insert. which while retaining its honevmnkinc rowers. possesses neither offensive nor defensive qualities, other than its ere-t winrr strength. Tts flierht is exceeding'" ran'd md on l-eine- attacked it depends cn its speed.’' That is the kind o c bee tha* T shall keep when I forsake the common round of journalistic drudgery