PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 13579, 28 April 1906, Page 4

PASSING NOTES.

■' ' ■■ ■ Our fellow feeling with the San Francisco people in their affliction has expressed itself characteristically. First we offered them money. The Quaker of the story with his "I pity him five pounds; liow much do yon pity him?" was not particularly Quaker; lie was just the typical And so, 110 sooner did we hear of the San Francisco earthquake than we started'it subscription list, lint the Americans, being seventy-five millions and a rich people at. that, am little disposed to see tho hat. carried round for their behoof. "Outside help declined," — so we read, Perhaps there are signs of weakening in this high resolve, Ittil for the present, tho word is "Declined with Shanks." Meanwhile our sympathy seeks expression in another fashion, equally characteristic but. less admirable—that of defending the Sun Franciscans against aspersions 011 their moral character. There are no grounds whatever, we say. for thinking the Paris of the Pacific especially wicked; which is like remarking of a reputable neighbour that ho doesn't get drunk and so.far as we know has never beaten his wife. Tim deuce take, such charity I It. recalls to me the. story of the Bath spinster who was reported to have had [wins. " 1 make it- a rule," said one of her acquaintances, "never-to believe more than half of what I hear." She conceded one twin, but 110 more. The people who defend the morality of San Francisco conecdo at least that there is a case to answer. Perhaps Bret liarto and Mark Twain with their mining-camp stories are mainly responsible for this. Then there is the American newspaper, dirl.y, ill-printed, with the blare and flare of its crosslieads ami the brutality of its illustrationsnot. without difficulty may the Americans live down their typical newspapers. There are examples totally diverse, 110 doubt: the Harper publications are as superfine in their moral tone as in their pictures and their letterpress, which is saying much. But. although the average American newspaper is a thing to touch with tho fire-tongs, that is 110 reason for implicitly accusing the San Francisco people in their hour of I rouble by excusing them. Our fathers, if they could have had thei/say on the matter, wouldn't have done much worse in talking ol" " judgments." The fact that wo are strengthening the British garrison in Egypt, strengthening it to such purpose that the Sultan, though unconvinced, is "much impressed," may bo referred to the presence, in the Cabinet of such good Imperialists as Sir Edward Grey, Mr ITaldane, and Mr Asquith. Thus have I been disposed to reason, perhaps doing the others an injustice. It was lor party purposes that the others, in their irresponsible Opposilion time, were proBoers and Ijittlc-Englandors. So let us try to believe; —I am a charitable man myself. On the question of F.gypt, at least, the Government is going io bo firmly Imperialist. This docs not necessarily menu that we shall fight the Sultan, even sunnosing him obstinate. It usually suffices to order up the warships to liesika Bay and to seize here and there a Custom "louse. Should this treading on the Sultan's toes not avail—well, we are strengthening tho Egyptian garrison, and it is to he hoped that. Mr Haldane, the metaphysical War Minister who argued, the case against the Wee Frees, and lost, will be less unlucky on the present issue, in short that he beareth not the sword in vain. It is about the Sinaitic Peninsula, the further shore of the Gulf of Suez, that- the Sultan, with secret backing by the German Kaiser as."patron and protector of all Moslems," is minded to contend witli us. Our forefathers crusaded against Moslems and Saracens for the Holy Sepulchre; with scant success,—the Holy Sepulchre is in Moslem.keeping at this hour. Spite of the omen we ;tre prepared, if called on. to take by the hoard the Grand Turk himself, who is head of all the Moslems. But it- is a curious destiny that assigns us I his attitude in defence of our rigid to Mount Sinai and tho Wilderness of Sin. An old-lime Victorian miner correcting " Civis " who I much admire," lie interpolates, in the grammar of the early fifties—wishes it sc-t down that the license fee "that set the diggers up in arms" was not 20s a year as "C'ivis" had supposed hut 30s a mn.nl h. Tho miller's right r.t 20s per milium, with n duty on gold ot 2s (id an mine?, it I remember rightly, was given to pacify the diggers after tho Eureka. Stockade affair in exchange for the Wis a mouth license. This point sot right, he wanders 011 as an old man may, filling a page or two with Forest Creek remmisccnct.s of 1853 or thereabouts, at which date two eminent New Zealand legislators of the future, whose names not. wild horses should drag from me, were storekccping 011 Old Post Office Ilill and Moonlight Flat at foot of Donkey (billy, respectively;—" they both kept sly-grog shops [All!| and I have had many a nobbier in their stores." It is clear that this old-time Victorian cannot he ulioweil to confess himself coram publico, and I clap on Die stopper. Nevertheless as much of him as is quotable. I am willing lo quote—more than willing. Any genuine transcript of human experience from that golden prime, now far away and falling dim, is worthy of record. Listen then to s a Forest Creek miner of the early fifties. So long as he avoids confessing other people's peccadilloes along with his own I may permit him to talk at his will. The tee that set the diggers up in arms was tho license of !10s a month, which I remember was co!)cct«l with loaded musket and fixed bayonets- by Vaiidenionian pensioners. These were the "digger hunts'' you may have heard , of. Many a man could no! take a licence for lack of means, a large proportion of diggers being runaway sailors and immigrants just landed... I remember oil one occasion the cry of " Joe, .Toe!" went up. This was the diggers' signal or warning the traps were coming, and all men without licenses hid under ground, or, if their.hole was too shallow, came to grass and ran. For instance. I had- a license, but my male had not. f ran as hard as I could, taking a lino between the traps and ray mate, and as long as I could cover hint and get him clcar I was all light, and when I saw him safe I let the trap overhaul me. On being

caught, the first word was, " Where is your license?" And then the tun began. Anything to gain time, I would feel in both pockets where it was not, look in the breast of my shirt and inside ray hat, feel in my stockings, all tho time protesting I had it, until the trap's patience was exhausted, and he was preparing to slip the darbies on to take you to the log at the police camp, which was in the very early (lays of n new rush the lookup, 1 would produce it wiih (ho assertion, "I kuowed 1 had it, but you frightened a man so I coukl not find it;' and then, alter a lirtlo swearing, the trap would have to let you go and return with empty hands. I reniem'b-.-r r.t tho first rush to M'lvor, in April or. [ think, March. 1853, a chap camped alongside of me got nabbed—be was a sailor man ant! called " FiuldenlicKled Bit!." lie iva« tak?n to the camp and handcuffed to tho log, and left until 'lie court opened in flic morning, His mates tool; tacker to him and a nip, or nobbier we ca.ilcd it then., of mm. All of us who had licenses turned up at court to see him through in the morning. When lie was brought up iho first question of tho commissioner was, " Whero is vour license?"-- ". Ain't got op.-." Fined £5 and 303 for license." "What are you?"—"A digger." "No you aro not. Vouliavenolicen.se. Fined £3 for that.' This was too much foi Bit!, who had uo money, having only just run from bis shin. He began, lleli and damnation, ' when Commissioner S says, "The man's drunk; take him awry," ami fined him. XTi for being drunk. Wo made r. purr-s, paid the .£lO 10s, and then " Puddenlioad Bill'' was a licensed digger. I could spin lots of yarns of tho old times, but enough for this sereel. Oxn Who Was There. So precious a thing is humour that no grain of it ran over bo lost; so highly (iocs mankind prize what oncc has tinkled its diaphragm that the meanest joke, if in story form, is assured of immortality. This fad explains I lie perennial resurrection of withered chcstnuts. They were, dead and forgotten, you would have said;—not so; —with a new generation up thev come again, tresh us paint, and some zealous friend of this column passes them on to mo for publication. Thinks them newly minted, I imagine, or at least of recent discovery. Here, for example, is one alxmt a Highland minister who framed his sentences on the classic model— Joliu P. Robinson, lie etc., interpolating an otiose pronoun. It is a way they have in the Highlands. Applied to the text, "Your adversary the devil goeth about as a roaring lion," it worked out thus; First, we shall endeavour..to ascertain who the devi! he was. Secondly, Where the devil ho was going. Thirdly, Who the devil he was seeking. Fourthly, and lastly, What the devil he vas roaring at. This, as I can personally testify, was an old story before I was born; how long that is ago I refrain from mentioning because nobody would, believe me. Why, then, do I make room for so musty a joke? From mere goodness of heart. The correspondent who presents it for publication will have a largo following,—people to whom this old joke, a poor one at best, is as new as Mr Seddon's latest surplus,—and not less surprising. A humorous story may be considered alive as long as it keeps moving. It must pass from mouth to mouth—volitare per ora, in Virgil's phrase. Ceasing to circulate it becomes a Joe Miller and is ripe for burial in the next Complete Jester, Rut this conclusion may he postponed by a judicious change of time, placc, and circumstance; e.g.—a, story just now going the rounds of the English press: Two eminent Baptist worthies met at a ministerial conference. Stowell Brown reeked as usual ef his pipe. " Brother Brown." said Birroll to him, " how much does it cost you for tobacco?" "Just as much. Brother Birroll," retorted Brown, " as it costs you for starch." Now, as every well-instructed Baptist will perceive, this is an old story ingeniously brought up to date. The names are changed. Brother Birrell is brought in because, as I surmise, be is tho father of the present Minister for Education. Thirty years ago it was Maelaren of Manchester who reeked of his pipe, and Parker of the City Temple—little aware that one day he would publicly " God damn tins Sultan!"—it was whose early besetting sin took the form of starch. Apropos of the name of Birrell, I learn from Mr Herbert Paul in the Nineteenth Century that hcnccforth we have at command a new weapon of offence when arguing I'ible-in-Sebools. Education, we shall say, may be religions, irreligious, or IJirreligious,— the last variety being that of the Birrell : Education Bill. | The thoroughness with which any story ; having the salt of humour in it may be "faked" (by the newspaper artist) to I give it a new life in a new environment ' can be illustrated quite easily. Here is ■ such a story from " A Budget of Anecdotes. Collected and arranged by Mr George Seton, Advocate" (Clitipman and i Hall)": • I A Blairgowrie man had married a native of Kirkcaldy. Some years later, when tho woman was dying, she said to her husband, "John. I'vo been a good wife to you. and I want you to do in; a. favour." " Weel, 'oman, what is it?" "Weel, John, it's jist this, tbat yo'H bury me among my ain folk at Kirkcaldy." "Hoots, 'oman, it canna- be; 1 tell you it canna be." " Wee!,« John, it ye dinnn tak' me lo Kirkcaldy I'll haunt ye, my speerit 'ill haun. ve. ' ' Awenl, if it comes to that, 'oman. I'll hae to do it; hut I'll fry ye in Blairgowrie first. ' Consider now the same yarn as presented to American readers by the New York literary journal, Harper's Weekly: A darky in Jackson, Mississippi, bad married | a dusky belle of Macon, (leorgia. Years later j tho wife !av dying. •' Dink, she observed mournfully, " lse been a good v.-ife to vo', ail' now I'm dyin' 1 wants yo' to promise to do mo a favour.* "What is dat?" sobbed the husband. "Dink, 1 wants vo' to berry me wif mv own folks in Macon." The husband's . lamentations ceased long enough to enable him to reply;--" Mirandy. I can't do it; it's ! too expensive to take yo' to Macon." " Dink.' i solemnly said the wife, " e( yo' doan take me j to Macon Isc goiu' to haunt yo'! My | sperrit'll come back to vo', Dink. It shore i will." "Well, ef it comes to dat," said Dink, " I 'spose I'll have to humour yo'; but, Mirandy, Is« goin' to : try yo' in Jackson fust.' The Scotch story, as we see, has been admitted to American citizenship and transmogrified to American taste, every non-essential changed—names, places, dialect, and no trouble spared. I consider it a most instructive example. By the way, I_ learn from the same Harper that Dr Torrcy (Torrey-Alexander) is still running j his successful joke on one of the New | Testament miracles. His audiences always ! provide the necessary scoffer who asks l him derisively- " Do you think too could walk upon water?" Whereupon Dr Torrey "looking grimly for a moment at the inquirer" replies, "I can walk on water a .'good deal better than on rum." So long as the. newspapers don't give, him away, this joke is obviously as good as new every time, and warranted to kill, I consider Dr Torrey quito within his patent rights. Cms.