PASSING-NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 10571, 18 January 1896, Page 2

PASSING-NOTES.

I observe that some misguided person, who apparently lives in rnral partß where such things may be treated academically, has suggested in the correspondence columns of the Times that steamer (and presumably other) whistles should be manipulated according to the Morse-code for signalling purposes,' In other words, he wants to add a new^horror to life, Has this correspondent ever sojourned near a railway etation, or, which is worse, been compelled to work near one? Has he ever been on the deck of a steamer when the foghorn has been unexpectedly blown,? It ;s plain he has not been subjeoted to martyrdom in either shape, or he would not dare to propose any method by which the torture- v?ould be prolonged; as it would be if an attempt were made'topro- , dnce an intelligible: message by spelling out the words, letter by letter. But the mm who abolishes whistling altogether will earn a statue for himself. -It has long 6een a ' matter of wonder why builders of steam '-engines should invariably 7 choose a hideous and nerve-destroying note for the whistles. ' Would it not. be possible to arrange them so that a musical sound should be produced instead of a shriek like the despairing waff of a lost goal ?.. It will be admitted that the'evil .is minimised as much as psssible^ though much of the shrieking about railway stations appears superfluous—especially if it beat untimeous hours in the moming. . But iwhat would it be if the engine driver, instead of .emitting one shriek calculated to <wake the seven sleepers of Ephesus for a signal," were to spell out the demand? And how would the passengers like .it if tbo Bteamet, pantitig and straining at her1 warps and springs, were,, instead of emitting these three impatient barks that parting friends know so walL to pbjurgate the laggard office hand wita' the_ ship'iai papers in choice nantical expressions interpreted by the Morse' code ?... ,If thai. porreepondent pursues tbe subject I shall suborn some athletip rustictp deal with him-according to his deserts.

We are fa&iliar with Baboo English, and bave been surfeited with pepimsns of the attempts of foreigners of various 'nations to render into tile British vernacular' iritormationthey wish to convey to the public. The source:of tim trouble frequently is the sttempt to crowd too much into the allotted spacß.''Ask any ordinary, person yon meet fir^a direction by which to find any place. In 09 base out of 100 yon ere overwhelmed with directions, injunctions, and suggestions. Tbe geometrical: art of explicitly statins a fact isI'a. possession few have acquired. The nearest approach that I have - seen in a foreignWis the following " dodger," issued by a Chinese merchant of San Francisco :--

t«''. ■ .i •.--■ For Sale. '. Best 'Peppermint .Oil made from its Really >*>•;' .V.yf-iSt Leaves.-. '•.., ■..,.. ' ' :'■> ■■■ ■ Csn-ba^purable for: the Sicknesses of Male, ?.;■'■■ .:...■ Female, or Boy, ..,,.. .■ : -.,.: Dizzj^Use to put or wipe few drops on the forehead, both sides under eyebrows, noseholes and both sides the back of ears. , . . ■ , Fevet.—Wipe on the forehead and nosetyoles. Fits.—Wipe most to the noseholea, aud drink few drops mixed with tea.•-: . . - Giddy,—Wipe both sides of forehead and nosehyes. ~. • .-. Goot'^or Goutswollen.^—Wipe' both sides of forehead; no3eholes and mnch to the breast, Hea^»qhe.—Wipe on the forehead and noseteles. t . Bqlieve us,'» ■ . . < '■■.■■. ■''■•'' ! Choy Thoonq Suno. There is one merit apparent in this "universali' igmedy—it pannot po»sibly:.do any harm*. ty , . ...,■■. .... .: ■ :-..-, ■..' m ..

A coriesppndent.in a countryrnewspaper has propounded the startling, question: Is % handicapping an immoral, practice 1. He does , not exactly- pat it forward interrogatively;; 'he puts it affirmatively, and it seems seriously, for tbe purpose of condemning the temerity of certain clergymen .and elders' in the rural district of 0 tain a who flared to question the will of Providence by giving; -at a Sunday school picnic, some children a handicap in some foot races'. If' he bad confined the question to the practice indulged in by that " Mr Graorge Dowse," bo frequently mentioned in connection with horse racing, there would be no difficulty in answering : it, ■ since, as all .right-minded peraons-of the straiter sects condemn racing, there 'can-be- no- hesitation in -condemning those who take "art and part" in it, and I am afraid this must also-joclnde the parsons, who,conduct the newspapers that give facing news; But lie not only says that b'ancHca'pping is immoral, he says it is nnscripttrfa],. wh,ic& "•■■ is far worse, How grievous then mnst be the sin of a clergy-' man who; says that because Providence has endowed a lad with an active form, and agile legs be, mnsfc be placed a yard behind a less .jforfcnnatejy . endowed\flompetitpr 1 Would^the^like to see the same principle adopted in the schools? Wo aid ho like to see the stupid, sluggish'lad, whoso true vocation is-sawing wood, given a handicap of— say, 100 marks, inascholarship examination, while 'the'! Bright,' intelligent fellow,' Was placed;at ;^ scratch"?"- Would he care to see it carried into th.e■'ministerial' calling, and the fat. faeneficea given rto the least plentiinlly endowed with : talents inprder to make good the irregularities and omissions of Pro■vidence?. *I am aJEraid I mnst -refer this question to those.more capable of solving the knotty'problem than I cart pretend to be.

Ifc--was this.very same rural ecclesiastic, by-the' way, 'who had the temerity to ask "Ontha.Tam," in a public meeting, whether he could not change his views on tbo temperance.question, co as "to' come in'lint) with the majority of his constituents." The idea of asking the sturdy representative of Olutha to' change hss views on any qaestion.wa3 preposterous enough, but the publicity of the request made It more preposterous still. Fools might change their opinions; -wise men hevsr—at least-when.fine possibility of doing so is jpnblidy'disjosße'd;' -Of bourse, the answer •waS"-wbatimghfc Baveibeen expected from a man--who-hfid'Btnrdily asserted the right of a Briton 'sgafgqt all coiners: in the French Slanguage.to;a.clear.view ofthe stage at. a Parisian opera house.' ' If. tiie daring -rural ecclesiastic only read his Hansard as diligently as the Thirty-nine Articles he would ■have seen that on a matter of principle Mr Hackeade- was -adamant itself. Ho would not change, Ms views, he said, for all the constituencies in New Zealand—this .with a jßne ans large generous wave of both hands his supreme contempt; for anybody else's bpinSoV but his own". The difficulty appears to lie in defining that opinion. '.I observe, that several local correspondents have been vainly endeavouring for several months back to elicit.a declaration, of what Mr Mackenzie's opinion is, and on this very ticklish? liquor - question, too. Whence we have the anomaly 'of a " prohibition " constituency :represented by a member who'does not see eye to; eye with the prohibitionists, and who war not deviate one jot nor tittle from his viewsior'all the constituencies in Hew Zealand. ;, -,

Th&appoinfcment of the Hon.W. P. Reeves' as Agent-general is a new departure in colonial: history. I suppose it is tho. first time on record that a "straight-out Socialist" has gone Home to represent a BritishTbslony; There is something andacione, and yet fascinating, in the idea*of this young coloaiql; politician gravely proceeding to England to pat the Old, World to rights with his crude political theories and nostrums. Even tb,at.4slonly,parfc of his mission. ..L believe that in Mr Beave3's parpet bag, in addition toi,eatly;bound copies of his.various Labour Bills, are to be found a number of tracts, political and otherwise, designed to inßtruct and regenerate tho effete aris-, tocrscy of Old England. In the ritual course of events " Undesirable Bill" will make it'".his* business on arriving in' London to dall oh Lord Salisbnry aud Mr Chamberlain. I should dearly like to ba present at both or either of these interviews, Salisbury and Chamberlain alike are " social pests," ana no doubt will be told oi! the error of their ways. A few Socialistic leaflets will be left in the outer and inner offices at Downing street, and each member of her Majesty^ Ministry will be presented with c. copy "pf the labour laws of New Zealand, handsomely bound in morocco at tbe expense of the- colony. On Sundays the enlightened W. P. may probably occupy his leisure time,in preaching to the Red BepuhJican mob in Hyde Park. By this course of action our learned Agent-general will doubtless .ingratiate himself 'with the powers that be in Great Britain,-and at-the end of his, term of office we may expect to see him back amongst us-with a handle to his name..

Coming events cast their shadows before. Ihe general election is approaching, and tbe «?oio3 of the canvasser for votes is beginning taJiaJh/saidrin Midland; One aneoial ieatura

of the present political position is the propagation of " associations " —sll formed with the pareat and loftiest motives. lam told that the National Association i 3 quietly befog revived all over the colony. Its main object is of coarse laudable—viz., to secure tho return of a better class of members of Parliament. This "object," at all events, has the hearjjiast sympathy of " Oivis." Some months' since another association —■ tho Southern Cross Society—was started in out midst with a great flourish of trnmpets. 16 was a woman's league, and its aims, too, were pnre and holy. Its name alone had a sweet religious significance—slightly dimmed by the fact that the FreethihkiDg Stout was apparently its prime mover. In fact, for such a temperate body there was.a most decided flavour o£ Stout about the whole concern. Lady Stout read a touching—and almost devotional— opening lecture. But " the People's Richard" is not to ba oatdone •by the renegade Sir Robert. In Wellington has been started an opposition society with the high-sounding title of the *' Women' 3 Social and Political League." Of thio leagne Mrs Seddon is presidentess, and the other day that learned lady in opening a branch at IJewtown gate a most interesting address, explaining tha aims and objects of the league. Papers wore also read on "Charity" and .'f The New Woman." Unfortunately the new women in Wellington do not appsar to be' overburdened with charity in the concrete. For that very evening at Newtown, in reply to a question by Mrs Player, the Presidentesa stated that " no woman who belonged to the Southern Cross Society would be allowed to join the league. The Southern Cross Society had tha assistanca1 of the men, and the league was only for women." To this Mrs Player enigmatically replisd, "We'cannot do'without the men."—(Laughter from the leagnera.) " Oivis " cordially approves of both society and leagne, but in order to avoid awkward mistakes wonld suggest that their names should be changed, aud in futnra that they should ba known as "The Stout Restoration Society " and "The Seddon Preservation Lsagus!' respectively,

While on the subject of elections I cannot help referring to the approaching elaction of members of the Education Board for the district of Otago. Thai august body has my sincerest sympathy. Up till the,other day I could never understand the ansisty of sane persons to sit on such a board. It seemed always to be in labour over some momentous question or other, and yet tho frnits of its labours as a rule are small and disappointing. Witness the lame and impotent conclusion of the board's committee on the celebrated Waiareka case, which satisfied no one, and left, the unfortunate inspector on the horns of a dilemma, and the eloquent' and long-winded P. B. Fraser almost where he started. At. the last meeting, however, several questions of great pith and moment were discussed—questions involving the half cost o£ the erection of a picket fence, the top-dressing of asphalt, and the removal of a cesspit. *A long and able discussion took- place, too, with' reference to the question whether the assistant inspectors of the board shonld be selected from their personal appearance or from the contents of their testimonials. After wrestling with this problem for Borne time, however, the board seems to have given it up; and finally "selected" the two budding inspectors by a species of " Yankee grab •" on the blackboard. Truly an improving object lesson inspectors and teachers alike 1 I now begin to understand how parsons, lawyers, doctors, and even politicians are anxious to have a "seat on the board." It is to improve their minds 1 Why, it mast be a liberal education in itself merely to listen to such discussions as I have referred to; while to take part in them should prove an intellectual graining of the highest value. Oivis.